It all started when I was 7. I was hanging out with my best friend, who happened to be a girl. We were inseparable. We did everything together. I thought we might have ended up together.

We played dress up sometimes and other times we played sports and video games. We did what the other wanted to. I guess my dad didn’t like it.

One day when I came home, I had some make up on my face.

“What is that on your face?” My dad said.

“Make-up. Natalie did my make-up.” I replied.

“Well Nate, you look very pretty.” My mom said.

“Go wash your face. Then come see me.” My dad demanded. I could hear faint arguing as I washed my face. Once I washed all of the make up off, I walked out. My dad had his belt in his hand.

“Come here.” He screamed. I walked over and I felt a strip of pain across my face. Then across my back several times. I cried really hard.

He still hits me when I do something he doesn’t like. The only person I’ve told is my therapist. They are pretty much the reason I’m alive. Playing sports is something my dad wanted me to do, and he wanted me to ignore girls so I can focus on sports.

I really want Jess and I really want to make her happy, but I’m scared I’m going to be like my dad. I don’t want her to be stuck with a guy like that.

When I finished the fifth grade, my family moved. I met Jess in the new town. I never really talked to her, but liked her. She never really had many friends and everyone thought she was weird. I always wanted to be her friend, but I was afraid people would think I was weird too, and I didn’t want to get hit.

I hit puberty in the 8th grade. I started to masturbate. All I thought of was Jess. It sounds weird but I was in love with this girl. One time, I was doing my thing, my dad walked in. He got really mad and hit me really bad. I have scars on my back from that one time. He also gave me a black eye and a gash on my head. I told everyone I got into a fight.

I thought I was bound to end up like my dad, so I distanced myself from girls.