The Violated Virgin

Chapter 5


The early morning light filtered through the drapes, and in the street
the first sounds of activity could be heard. A friendly shout between
two men echoed up to the room, and Suzanne stirred, opened her eyes and
looked about. At first she felt a stab of uncertainty, then she
realized where she was. Then she remembered what had happened the night
before, and her face went scarlet. She looked over her shoulder and saw
Yvonne and Carole, still asleep, their arms about each other, a look of
beatific contentment on their faces. Oh, God, what have I done, she
thought. How could I possibly have joined them in that orgy of sensual
delight? Suzanne shivered and pulled the sheet up to her neck. Ah, but
it was wonderful, wasn’t it? It was the best sex ever. But what about
the boys?

She shivered again, remembering the harshness of the boys’ words,
actions and manner; yet there was something primitive and appealing
about it. God, she didn’t want to go through that again, but she did
feel that she wouldn’t mind having sex again with a man. After all,
that wonderful piece of meat, that lovely long lance that could
pleasure her vagina with such ecstasy. Oh, yes, she wanted that again.

She wondered who it would be with; she hoped it would be Sam, because
she knew Sam’s penis was large and long. She had not touched it, but
she had seen it, sticking up out of his pants that night on Belle Isle.
Oh, why didn’t she give in and take it then? Sam might not have gone
off to Europe. They might even have been married by now. She knew she
loved him, and he loved her, so why didn’t she? She wanted to;
remembering back, she knew she did want to feel it, to take it between
her lips and suck it till his sperm shot out in great gobs into her
mouth, coating her tongue with delicious saltiness before being
swallowed and becoming a part of her. Oh, yes, she had wanted him that
night; she had wanted him many nights, but she could never bring
herself to go through with it. She always remembered those moments when
her mother had said to her, “Suzanne, remember, nice girls don’t. Only
cheap little tramps will indulge before marriage.” And she had wanted
to ask her mother then whether she hadn’t made it with a boy before she
married.

But there was something about Mrs. Delacorte that made Suzanne afraid
of asking anything so intimate. Her mother was very prone to discussing
the intimacies of Grosse Pointe gossip, but something as personal as
sex was taboo. There had been several times when her father had brought
up the subject, often in a joke, and Suzanne felt a warmth; but
inevitably her mother would freeze them both with a cutting remark and
comments about “not being coarse.”

Now that she had finally experienced sex, an overwhelming orgy of
sensation, she wondered why and how the whole aura of dirt and
revulsion became attached to the subject. After all, it was a most
enjoyable experience; at least, despite the horror of the attack by the
boys, she knew that the ultimate penetration and orgasm was something
undeniably pleasurable. And with someone tender and loving, as Yvonne
and Carole had been the night before, it was the greatest release, the
highest expression of emotion. Yet why, then, did she still feel such
pangs of remorse, such a feeling of guilt and self-recrimination?

Suzanne looked over towards the two sleeping girls and wondered whether
they felt the same ugly gnawing in their stomachs after indulging in
relations? Obviously not, if they had been living together as lovers.
Yet how could Yvonne also have sex with men? Suzanne had read a
marginal amount of literature on the subject, but she was aware of
Freud’s bisexual theories, which must have some basis of fact, judging
from her own reaction the night before and her active participation in
sexplay.

But still, she couldn’t help wondering how she was ever able to indulge
with the girls, not merely the act itself but so soon after the
traumatic experience with the boys. It must have been Yvonne’s tender
massage of her breasts and her vagina, she knew that was it. Any girl
would react to such a stimulus; yet she knew deep within her that it
was more than that. It were as though a demon had been loosed in her
loins. Held back for so long, she finally felt her inhibitions falling
away. She wanted to indulge, she wanted to enjoy the delights of sex,
to throw herself with complete abandon into the most perverse practices
she could imagine, provided they were pleasant and didn’t hurt anyone
and, most of all, there was no violence except in the intensity of the
sexual feeling that quivered in her.

With a sigh, Suzanne pressed her hand to her forehead to ease the ache
that had just begun. There was a movement on the bed and she heard a
low moan.

“Oh, God, it’s morning,” said Yvonne, her voice sounding like the
rumble of the trucks up and down Woodward Avenue.

“Hi,” said Suzanne.

Yvonne reached out a thin arm for the cigarettes on the night stand.
She shook one out of the package and clicked the lighter, inhaling
deeply and leaning back, holding Carole’s still sleeping body in one
arm.

“Oh, that’s better.” Yvonne managed a grin and tapped Suzanne’s
shoulder with her forefinger, still holding the cigarette in her hand.

“How’s our little violated virgin this morning?”

“Okay, I think.”

“That doesn’t sound very convincing.”

Suzanne shifted in the bed. “Oh, I’ve just been lying here thinking.”

Yvonne heaved under a sudden attack of coughing.

“That can be dangerous, especially at this hour. I guess you’ve got all
sorts of guilty feelings running around that head of yours, huh?”

Suzanne nodded. “I’m … a little confused.”

“Aren’t we all? Let me tell you something.” Yvonne took another deep
drag from the cigarette and exhaled slowly. “I won’t hand out advice,
but I’ll make a few comments. You’ve gone through a lot in the past two
days. I mean, with sex. I know what happened with those little bastards
must’ve shaken you to the bottom of your carnal cavern, and last night,
well …” Yvonne laughed softly. “That’s another bag of beans entirely.
But am I right in saying that you’ve had more sex the last two days
than you’ve ever had before?”

Suzanne nodded. “I’ve never had sex before. Ever. Not with anyone. But
… but I’ve often wanted to.”

“Why didn’t you? I thought you and Sam were pretty thick there for a
while.”

“Well, mother’s always told me it wasn’t right. I mean, not until after
you’re married.”

Yvonne snorted loudly. “Yeah, I get the picture.”

“I wanted to, but I just couldn’t. There was one night, no, there were
lots of nights when we almost did, but right at the last minute I’d
hear mother’s voice and I lost interest.”

Yvonne nodded. “It sounds like lots of mothers I know.