Alright, I’m here. Sitting at the park at the dead of night when I could be sleeping. What the fuck does Kevin want? And why isn’t he even here? I swear to God if he shows up in a pig head again, I’m gon-

“See, look,” I hear Kevin’s voice say as he sits down next to me.

I turn around to see him with some girl. Ok. What’s going on here?

“He’s right here,” Kevin says, “What do you want us to do?”

“Prove that you’re gay, what did you think I wanted?”

Well that took a turn.

“Uh…sure,” Kevin responds before turning to me, “Easy enough.”

He immediately gives me a peck on the lips. I’m so taken aback by the sudden action, I just freeze. What’s going on? Who is this girl? Why is she here? What the fuck, Kevin?!

“Psh,” the girl responds, folding her arms, “Any Joe Schmoe can kiss another guy. It happens all the time. You’re gonna have to do a bit more than that.”

“What do you expect us to do?!” Kevin responds, frustrated, “You want us to strip naked and fuck in the middle of a public park?!”

“First, volume. Second, nope. That’d be too immoral and possibly illegal. I don’t want my boyfriend-”

“Not your boyfriend.”

“Soon to be boyfriend to be locked up.”

“Then what do you want from us?”

She takes a moment to consider. As she decides, I’m still trying to piece things together. Ok, so she’s deluding herself into thinking that she’s his girlfriend. It seems like he’s not really into that idea. So he must’ve told her that he’s gay to try and drive her off. But he needs proof. And that’s where I come in. Kevin, you dumb bitch.

“Got it,” the girl finally says, “He’s gonna suck you dry.”

“What?!” Kevin exclaims, “W-we’re in public.”

“Yes.