So I took up with Kennedy, we got home from the weekend shooting in L.A. She was horny, very horny. So was I, I hadn’t had sex since the early hours of the morning. Kennedy dragged me up to her room, and got me to go down on her, then I fucked her. Once we were done, we’d both come again, that was it, I had served my purpose; I was no longer needed. I was expected to leave, so I put my clothes back on and walked back to my place on the other side of the graduate village, as Kennedy drifted off to sleep. I supposed that’s what being friends with benefits means. It just felt kind of weird.

That set the tone for our interactions, I felt like I was being used, and that Kennedy was rude towards me, but I seemed to like it. I just got turned on by that. That I didn’t understand. So, as with any problem I don’t understand, I researched the issue. There’s a lot of information about sexuality out there, some of it helpful, some of it less so, some of it just plain wrong. There are a lot of opinions, like they say, everyone has one.

What I found most useful to understanding was a website bdsmtest.org. That asked me a bunch of questions, some of them about things I’d never considered and then ranked my tastes. It also had explanations of the terms used, so I could understand its rankings. It reckoned:

99% Non-monogamist
92% Voyeur
88% Submissive
70% Experimentalist
62% Exhibitionist
61% Rope Bunny
58% Degradee
48% Slave
33% Primal (Prey)
31% Brat
27% Switch
27% Vanilla
25% Rigger
20% Degrader
18% Dominant
17% Masochist
14% Primal (Hunter)
13% Master/Mistress
12% Brat Tamer
10% Girl/Boy
8% Daddy/Mommy
8% Owner
4% Pet
3% Ageplayer
1% Sadist

Some of its conclusions, I might argue with, I think I’m pretty vanilla really, but it doesn’t. (Vanilla is normal, liking normal sex. I like normal sex.) I also think their methodology is flawed, and the numbers too conveniently smoothly distributed, but it gave me something to think about.

I’m not sure I am a “non-monogamist” at heart, but Kennedy has made it quite clear I’m not to get attached and expects me to fuck others if I have the chance, so there you are. I like watching porn, I like watching others fuck in front of me, so I wouldn’t argue with “voyeur”.

Then, it gets to submissive. It explains, “Submissives like to follow. Some like to give control away to their partners.” That’d be me. I really like Kennedy telling me what sex we’re going to have. Well, I like that we have sex, and then I like that its at her behest which makes it even better. It also says, “Submissives typically pair up with dominants.”

Intrigued by what it was telling me, I mentioned it to Kennedy, who took the test herself. For Kennedy, it reckoned:

99% Dominant
98% Master/Mistress
96% Sadist
95% Rigger
95% Primal (Hunter)
92% Degrader
90% Owner
82% Experimentalist
80% Non-monogamist
78% Brat Tamer
65% Voyeur
62% Exhibitionist
20% Daddy/Mommy
7% Masochist
7% Brat
7% Vanilla
5% Primal (Prey)
3% Switch
3% Ageplayer
1% Rope Bunny
1% Degradee
0% Submissive
0% Slave
0% Girl/Boy
0% Pet

Basically that’s saying she likes almost every type of dominant role, and hates the submissive ones. We’re compatible in that we both score highly for “non-monogamist,” “experimentalist” and “voyeur/exhibitionist.” So we have some common ground and like experimenting, then it comes to she’s dominant and I’m submissive, so we compliment each other perfectly there. That’s the part I really like. What it says about dominants:

“Dominants like to be in charge. Some like to have their partner obey them without question.” That’s us. Then of course, “Dominants typically pair up with submissives.”

Then, it comes to how she’d like to express that dominance, she really scored high for “rigger,” she likes to tie her partner up, and degrader, she likes to humiliate and degrade them. On the other hand, I scored high for “rope bunny,” liking being tied up, and degradee, liking being humiliated. I’m not so sure I like the idea of being tied up, or humiliated, but the thought of being helpless and at Kennedy’s tender mercies turned me on so much. Of course, in my version of the fantasy, I’m helpless and Kennedy has normal sex with me, I don’t know how the reality would turn out.

Then there are the ones I’m somewhat ambivalent about. Master/slave, and hunter/prey. It’s not that I had a strong desire for these, but I didn’t mind so much, and Kennedy likes them, so she could do that, and I’d be happy. Kennedy behaving in a Master/Hunter/Degrader sort of way was the sort of thing I found confusing. How I could be turned on by Kennedy being so uncaring, and humiliating me. Now, we could incorporate these elements into our sex lives in a mindful manner, we’d understand what it was we were doing. Or at least, that was my reasoning, Kennedy just liked the ideas the test gave her. She really liked that I would let her do that to me, and I’d enjoy it.