The House that Jo Built: Bonus Chapter Three: You’ve Got Chat!

Smilax: I’ve got a confession to make

FunkyBunch: ok

Smilax: I know you

FunkyBunch: we’ve been chatting for a few weeks now, i hope you know me

Smilax: No, I mean i KNOW you. IRL.

FunkyBunch: how do you know I’m who you think i am?

Smilax: Because I knew who you were before saying hi to you in the NIN chatroom

FunkyBunch: you recognized me from my pic?

Smilax: LOL no that pic is fake

FunkyBunch: no it’s not, i told you my ex used to like to take photos. she used me as a model

Smilax: Ok. Then how do I know you go to Airy Heights?

FunkyBunch: what?

Smilax: You’re in the tenth grade and you go to Airy Heights. Believe me now?

FunkyBunch: tell me how you know this. now

Smilax: Please don’t be mad!!

FunkyBunch: i’m serious. how do you know where i go to school?

Smilax: Because i go there too

FunkyBunch: so… wait.. do i know you? in real life? How do you know who i am?

Smilax: Your nick is pretty obvious. That gave me a hunch. After that I did a whois on you and saw you’re connecting through the same ISP as me.

FunkyBunch: how is my nick obvious?

Smilax: Marky Mark?

FunkyBunch: holy shit. so you’ve known who i was this whole time??

Smilax: Please don’t be mad

FunkyBunch: why’d you let me lie to you? send that pic? you don’t know my parents do you?

Smilax: I don’t know, I just thought it was so cool to see you on here chatting like me. I thought I’d see where it went

FunkyBunch: so who are you then? this isn’t stephen is it?

Smilax: Eww no!

FunkyBunch: you obviously don’t go to rutgers so your pic is fake too. are you even a girl?

Smilax: YES!!!

FunkyBunch: who are you then?

Smilax: Now I’m afraid to tell you. You probably don’t even know who I am

FunkyBunch: that’s not fair. you can’t blow up my world like that then not tell me who you really are! unless you want to stop chatting? is that why you’re telling me this? you’re bored of talking to me?

Smilax: No! It’s the opposite! God, this isn’t going how I thought…

FunkyBunch: then tell me

Smilax: I’m… Julie. Juile Baldwin. From Mr. Alevato’s chemistry class.

FunkyBunch: i know who you are. just give me a minute to process

Smilax: Are you mad? Please don’t be mad

FunkyBunch: i’m trying to think back to all the stupid shit i told you

Smilax: You didn’t say anything bad… except that ex-gf photographer. No chick would ever believe that. You should just use your own pic, you can pass as college age

FunkyBunch: so… this is so crazy… why wouldn’t you just talk to me in class?

Smilax: …because on here we can be whoever we want and as honest as we want without anything bad happening. I guess I just wanted to chat with you as another human being instead of Mark the geek talking to Julie the slut

FunkyBunch: am i known around school as a geek?

Smilax: Mister 4.0 GPA? Yeah, you’re a super geek. And thanks for not disputing that i’m known as a slut 😛

FunkyBunch: that’s not what i meant! i mean…

Smilax: I know. It’s ok. I’m aware of what people say about me

FunkyBunch: guys talk all sorts of shit. my friends talk about stuff that didn’t happen all the time

Smilax: You mean Ant didn’t get blowjobs from Kathleen Straight and Maryann Thomas at the same time?

FunkyBunch: haha not even in his dreams

Smilax: LOL

FunkyBunch: i guess i see what you mean. on here we can be whoever we want. so i guess this means you’re not 19 and working at a temp agency to pay for college? 😛

Smilax: Guess not, Mr. football scholarship LOL

FunkyBunch: wait… how do i know this is really Julie? I’ve been chatting with you for like a month and was completely oblivious. so how do i know it’s really you just because you say so now?

Smilax: Hmm… is this you trying to get a nude?

FunkyBunch: hahaha no, but can you take a pic of your face or something? wIth today’s paper like a ransom note?

Smilax: I can’t scan photos here. How about tomorrow in class, I come up to you and say something that I’d only say if this is really me.

FunkyBunch: that could work

Smilax: What should I say?

FunkyBunch: how about “i love your big penis?”

Smilax: Ugh. How about “I chatted with you last night on AOL” instead

FunkyBunch: i guess that works

–

Smilax: Is this weird for you now that you know who I really am?

FunkyBunch: is it weird for you?

Smilax: Obviously not since I knew from the beginning and risked everything to tell you. But be honest. If I ruined it, let me know. I don’t want your pity chats.

FunkyBunch: tbh it did take a minute. one of the reasons i chat on here is so i can be completely honest and not have to worry about what people think. knowing that i’ll have to see you in class every day kind of affects that.

Smilax: I understand that. That’s kind of why I’m here too. But in the spirit of total honesty and all that, I really like chatting with you, Mark. If you want, we can keep this a private thing just between us and never even talk in class.

FunkyBunch: wouldn’t that be weird?

Smilax: I can keep a secret. And I think it’d be kinda cool, to have a place to chat and share truths on here without worrying about normal highschool bullshit like eating lunch together and passing notes and shit

FunkyBunch: that would be cool. i’d catch all sorts of shit from my friends if they thought we were together

Smilax: We wouldn’t want that LOL

FunkyBunch: so what do we do now?

Smilax: Did you see The Ben Stiller Show last night? He did a Die-Hard skit that was unbelievable!

–

FunkyBunch: can i ask you about something?

Smilax: Anything,. You know that

FunkyBunch: you sure? it’s personal

Smilax: Oooh, finally. Ask away

FunkyBunch: how many guys have you been with?

Smilax: Oh that. Did you hear something at school or something?

FunkyBunch: you know how i feel about what they sat at school

Smilax: So why are you asking?

FunkyBunch: just tell me first, then I’ll tell you why

Smilax: Well I’m not gonna give you a number or anything, but I will say this. Sex is super natural and fun and feels furking awesome, so when guys started showing interest in me and they’d ask to do stuff, I’d say yes. I was happy, he was happy, I didn’t see any harm in it. It wasn’t until people started talking about it that it became a problem. Most of that I think are these bitches like Danielle Stopper who are just jealous because she’s not getting any

FunkyBunch: i bet you’re right. all my friends would kill for some real experiences. do you think other girls are more hesitant to do anything because they’re afraid of what the danielles of the world would say?

Smilax: Oh definitely. And it’s a shame too. I guarantee they’ll regret it when they finally find out what they’re missing.

FunkyBunch: 🙂

Smilax: So now you get to tell me why you’re interested in my sex life all of a sudden after months of chatting about everything in the world BUT sex.

FunkyBunch: hahaha you said butt sex

Smilax: LOL!

FunkyBunch: B “`(====3

Smilax: ok Picasso, tell me why you’re so curious all of a sudden

FunkyBunch: well I had an epiphany this morning in the shower

Smilax: Is that what you call it?

FunkyBunch: 😛 anyway, i had a thought.