If you feel emotionally weak, perhaps it would be best you opted not to read what I’m about to write herein. The early morning five hours of Saturday August 25th, 1979 was the day I lost my heart, soul, and virginity…if you can call it that. Perhaps it was not my virginity but more aptly my manhood that was forcefully robbed and stolen from me. Being a heterosexual man, and living with an unspeakable affliction for the last thirty years has caused me heart-wrenching pain, guilt and utter shame for three decades.

Through all those years I have always questioned what part of my manhood still remained intact. I’m not the effeminate type, but; admittedly, I am an emotional and sensitive man. Saturday August 25th, 1979 could have been like any other normal day. Immature at the age of twenty-three, still a virgin looking for a girlfriend to date and grow to genuinely love and call my sweetheart wife someday. I went out alone “late” in the evening on Friday, August 24, 1979 to a popular downtown dance club bar. So what the hell does a young 23 year single man do at a night club? Drink copious amounts of beer and watch young sexy woman on the dance floor. Seemed like the normal thing to do being a young heterosexual male. During the course of the evening I ran into two out of town gentlemen and struck up some casual conversation. We mingled around the club on our own. It was shortly after mid-night when caught up with the two guys again. By this time I could feel those beers going down pretty good. I’d say I was a little better than half drunk by then. The two guys told me that they were staying at local motel until they could they secure permanent residence in the city.

They also told me that they were having a party in their motel room with lots of cold beer stocked in the fridge, with two men and a woman coming over to celebrate. Being naive, stupid, and half in the bag I accepted their invitation, grabbed a cab and joined them in their soiree. After entering the motel room and sitting in a chair I must have chugged another four or five beer. I was fairly drunk by then. Approximately forty-five minutes later two men and women entered the motel room and joined in the small party. They also carried in two large hockey type duffel bags with them. Sometime later I could vaguely remember an argument ensuing between the two men who invited me and the other two men and the woman who arrived.