I blame my sexual curiosity on the internet. When most kids where watching Mr. Rodgers or Sesame Street, I was trading nude photos over AOL. I soon found myself unsatisfied with “normal” porn. I think I was 10 when I realized that my sexuality was a moving target. Sex is about release. It is about satisfying the primal urges that we are slaves to. My mind was overwhelmed with the landscape that was the porn scene. After all of this, though, I still felt as though I would forever remain sexually unsatisfied. I would play with myself or jerk my small, 10 year old little cocker, but to no avail. I realized that there was a need that would not be met by my own efforts. I needed someone else. I needed another person to share my sexual frustrations with. Who would I share this with? Who would be able to satisfy my sexual frustrations.
Perhaps this is a good time to describe my situation. I was a ten, at this time, small below, and undersized for my age. I had a lot of growing to do. I was maybe 4 inches completely erect. I would rub it until I felt some relative feeling of satisfaction, but it was never enough. I didn’t care who it was, but I needed another person to share these sexual needs with. Being in a close knit family, I had a cousin, male, not two years younger than me, who was sexually innocent and confused and very easily molded.
Andrew was his name, being the my aunts son, we were the closest in age of all my relatives. We got along well enough. I felt sometimes like I was a big brother to him. We would climb trees and catch snakes together. We were best friends as kids. As I began to reach my sexual awakening, I found that while he was a few years off, he was still mine ton control.
The first experience began when I had just turned 13, and him 11. It was summer, so we had plenty of time on our hands. We would spend our entire days outside, away from our parents. We would spend the day outside, on our own time. Living and breathing in every bit of nature. Every once in a while I would mention something about sex.