31 December 2016

I’d been preparing for the ritual for the last week, and I finally had acquired all my supplies and set up a space in the guest bedroom of my apartment. I had acquired a large vanity mirror through craigslist and put it against one wall of the guest bedroom, and on top of it I arranged my materials for the summoning. I set several cones of incense alit in plates arranged around the room and let their intoxicating scent fill the room. I lit the black candles I had on the vanity and turned off the overhead light. With painstaking care I drew the demon’s sigil on the mirror in chalk. I sat down in a chair in the middle of the room and faced the vanity. I took several deep breathes to calm my nerves before I recited the lengthy summoning text that I had found off the internet.

“I invoke you denizen of chaos…
…and show thyself…
…by the changing seas of glass I conjure thee!”

The last words rang out loudly in the confined space, which almost instantly turned eerily quiet. I waited, tense, for some sign that it had worked. Flickering candles, thunder, demonic laughter……..nothing. What a waste of time. I thought to myself. I stood up, turned on the lights, blew out the candles, dumped the incense into a nearby ashtray, and went back to the kitchen. I should have known that all that stuff I found on demon summoning on the internet was full of crap. Probably just a bunch of psych ward patients on those forums anyways. I turned on my playstation and went to Netflix, set it to play a documentary about the cocaine cartels, and grabbed a beer from the fridge.

It was a pretty stupid idea anyways. At a certain point I had to come to grips with the fact that I just wasn’t sexually attractive, at least not to the girls I was attracted to. Sure, I could make them laugh, have them confide in me, be the person they trusted to give them the truth when they needed to hear it, but when it came to anything more than that it was always ‘I love you like a brother.’ Everyone’s entitled to an opinion though, and I am definitely not a ten in the looks department. I’m tall and I never had acne, but that’s where the luck ends. Slow metabolism mixed with premature balding and a hairy chest and back doesn’t exactly scream dream boat. Three beers later and the documentary was over.

I got up from the couch to retrieve my laptop and resigned myself to another night of masturbating to porn. I pulled up xnxx.com and opened up several promising looking videos in separate tabs. Twenty minutes later and I came watching a girl who ‘never does this kind of thing’ getting creampied on a casting couch. I discarded my used tissues in the bin next to the couch, closed out the browser and plugged the computer back in on my desk. With a big yawn I headed to my bedroom, ditched my clothes in my laundry basket, and crawled into bed in my boxers. Five minutes later I was out cold, I’d always been good at falling asleep quickly.

I woke up with a start. There was a thick fog all around me, it was very warm, and I didn’t actually seem to be standing on anything, just pitch blackness beneath my feet.

I AM SITRI. I HAVE ARRIVED MORTAL. WHAT IS THE NAME OF MY CONJURER?

Oh shit. It had worked. I was actually talking with a demon. I cleared my throat and responded, “My name is -redacted-. I would like to make a deal with you.”

VERY WELL. STATE YOUR DESIRES TO ME.

“Well, I want to be desirable to women. I’m tired of being rebuffed constantly. And, um, somewhat related I’d also like to be physically able to perform without any issues, if you know what I mean.”

A dry chuckle echoed from everywhere and nowhere at once. I SEE. WELL LUCKILY FOR YOU I HAVE GRANTED THIS ABILITY TO MANY HUMANS BEFORE YOU. THAT PART IS A TRIFLE. ARE YOU READY FOR MY TERMS?

“Yes, Sitri. I understand I can’t get something for nothing. Please go ahead.”

VERY WELL. IN EXCHANGE FOR A SMALL PORTION OF MY POWER TO ACCOMPLISH THESE GOALS YOU MUST PLEDGE YOUR LOYALTY TO ME, IN BOTH THIS LIFE AND THE NEXT. I ALWAYS HAVE NEED FOR MORE SOULS, AND EVEN MORE NEED FOR AMBITIOUS AND LIKEMINDED VASSALS. OCCASIONALLY I MAY ALSO HAVE SPECIAL TASKS THAT I WILL REQUIRE YOU TO CARRY OUT. IN ADDITION, THE WOMEN YOU CORRUPT WILL BE ADDED TO MY ESTATE WHEN THEIR TIME ON EARTH EXPIRES. WILL YOU AGREE TO THESE TERMS?

I had been thinking about this for a long time, but still took a moment to consider before finally responding.