I agreed to stay with ms. Cook and her daughter for one week. I thought it would be nice to have electricity and hot water for a change. She even said she would let me bring kona. I just had to be good….

We walked out of the woods together. It was a very awkward walk that seemed to drag on forever. Probably because this was my fucking teacher that I just masturbated for. That usually is kind of awkward right? She tried to break the tension by talking. She was asking me where I think my mother was and why no one was taking care of me. I couldn’t answer it. I had no idea where she was or why she left me. Honestly I didn’t give a fuck. I was fine on my own. I was alive and fine. Sure the feeling of being abandoned got to me but that’s what the drugs and alcohol were for.

When we came out of the woods I saw the car I had been seeing. Sure enough ms. Cook got in. I told her bye as I walked away.
“Hey get over here! Let me give you a ride to your house.” She said.
I got in the car and told her where to go. The entire ride was silence except for me telling her where to go. Good thing it wasn’t a long ride.

We arrive at my house and she has a slightly disgusted look on her face. I ignored it and got out. I lit a cigarette as I walked to the door. Marlboro red. Even though I was a broke piece of shit, I smoked decent cigarettes. I saw ms cook in the reflection of the glass door as I unlocked it. Standing about ten feet behind me. Hands on her hips with an extremely unhappy look on her face. I turned around and sarcastically said “what?” I was prepared for the guilt trip and judgement about my smoking habit.

“Those things will kill you. You know that right?” Ms cook said.

“I’m already dead inside Ms. cook.”

I don’t know why I said that. No one knew about the feelings in my head. No one knew about how worthless and unwanted I felt. No one knew about the depression and self hate boiling inside me.

“What do you mean?” She said. I could hear the worry in her voice.

“I don’t know man. I’ll come over eventually to stay or whatever.”

“Okay.” She said as she started walking to her car.

I went inside and finished my cigarette. Kona was happy to see me. I threw some food in her bowl and filled her water bowl. That was one spoiled dog. I’d go without eating just so she could eat. I made myself something to eat then began packing. I threw everything I owned in a backpack and called a friend to get him to take kona to ms cooks house later.

I smoked another cigarette and chugged some jack Daniels before I hopped on my motorcycle. It was a Harley Davidson shovel head bobber. My dad was building it before he died. It’s really the only thing left of him that I had. I finished the project as a memorial for him.

I rode over to her house. The jack that I just drank added to everything I smoked and drank in the fort earlier. I was feeling nice. Not safe for riding at all though but fuck it.

I parked the bike in the street next to her house. It didn’t look like it belonged there at all. I didn’t look like I belonged either. Here I am,A ratty teenager wearing ripped jeans, Some stolen vans shoes and a support your local bandidos motorcycle club t-shirt. (The 1%er gang). The neighbors stared at me as I walked to the door. I tried to be as nice as possible. Usually I would say something like “what the fuck are you looking at” but I held back. I knocked on the door and she answered.

“Uhh hey ms cook. I’m here.” I said in a slightly confused tone.

“Oh hi! I honestly wasn’t expecting you to come. I’m so glad you did though.”

“Well i mean… If you didn’t expect it I guess I can go home.”

“Oh no no no!