SHOPLIFTER Chapter Five.

I had never known my dad this mad. He was furious. He just went on and on. I did not have to lie to him. I never had a chance. I never got to say a thing. I just sat there and sweat and froze. I was shaking violently.

The calls would be early tomorrow, because dad had to leave for a long meeting at Aronow & Associates and mother was committed to helping with a Make-A-Wish bake sale at nine.

Anger filled the room. That was it; meeting over. My dad was screaming angry things I will never remember as my parents stormed out of the kitchen and up to their bedroom.

I sat choking on a strange vomit that just rode in my throat. I could hardly breathe. I reached up under the remains of my blouse. I was hot in some places and freezing in others. My breasts were lactating everywhere.

When I could finally get down from the stool I made my way up to my room. I was so sick. I vomited twice. I dropped on my bed and just lay there shaking. I could hear my heart in my ears. I was unable to move, unable to think. Finally, I crawled into the bathroom one more time to vomit.

My world had completely collapsed. I had no options. I had no one to call. I had no one to talk too. Everything was dark, horrible, and chaotic.

Throwing Kyle under the bus…impossible! He was a nice, benign, preppy guy and his parents were even more preppy and boring, but if he got hit with something like this, the shit would hit the fan. His dad was a civil trial lawyer…do I need to say more.

Kyle had professed over and over how much he loved me, but that was when I was a cute virgin with a nice little ass and he wanted things to progress with me sexually. Now, knocked up by someone else he would have nothing to do with me. He was not the hero type at all. His parents, like mine, had instilled an outline for his life and it did not include marrying a pregnant girl while he was still a teenager.

Even If I was able to trick him into a marriage, the thought of Kyle and his family the day a black baby arrived caused me to convulse all over. Anything with Kyle and a “marriage” was beyond any consideration.

Jamal would do anything for me, but in the light of all this, there was nothing he could do that was worth considering. Living with him was a fantasy of the highest order. I had this picture of me sitting alone in his big condo, waiting for all hell to break loose. He was a grand good guy…and a hell of lover…but beyond that we had nothing in common. When my parents learned where I was and what had happened to me, my life and his would not be worth living. There would be no protection for me in the normal suburb.

I sat on my bed tormenting. I could not have been more alone, more lonely, more tortured. I was as caught as a grizzle bear in one of those pipe traps. I had no way out. Nothing made sense. I looked over at my alarm clock…almost two.

My mind shut down I flopped backward on the bed, but stark terror kept my eyes wide open and tears flowed down toward my ears. I looked at the clock again…ten minutes had passed. The morning would be here inevitably. I was doomed at dawn.

I kept watching the number changing on the clock. At two thirty a light bulb came on and I sat up. I needed someone to at least know what was going on here at home. I felt like I was in real danger. What kind of hell would I face in the morning when I had to confess to my parents?

My dad was as angry as anyone I have ever seen and he thought I was pregnant by Kyle, a handsome, white, classmate with a big future. Can you imagine my morning if he learned the truth…if I confessed the truth?

“Dad let me tell you the truth. I am a thief, a felon shoplifter, who fucked a big black security guard to avoid going to jail. I am three months pregnant with his baby.”

Get my casket ready.

I honestly could not trust my dad right now. I had never seen anyone so angry and he had guns in his bedroom.

I needed to talk to somebody. Call Jamal…came sweeping across the dark horrors in my head. At least he should know what was going on with me in case something violent happened.

Jamal’s number rang and rang, both times I tried. There was no answer. Thank goodness. What would I say to him anyhow? He could not protect me. He had absolutely nothing to offer a pregnant white girl in an all white world with parents ready to kill her. Getting Jamal involved in any way would be nuts. Think about how my parents would react if they knew who it was that did this. My dad would have him in jail in a heartbeat, probably for life.

Call Kyle? No way. Think about that.

I tormented. There was no way to get my mind organized. Everything kept going around in a circle, faster and faster. I struggled time after time to just stop this “wheel of panic”. And every time I tried the pointer stopped on one square…Bobby.

PANIC

At two forty five in the middle of the night my Mustang quietly drifted backward out of the driveway into the dark. I had somehow changed into shorts and a sweater. I was physically sick as I drove. Several times I thought I would have to stop and vomit. The streets were empty. Traffic lights were mostly blinking yellow. My head spun so badly I feared going off onto the sidewalk several times.

Finally, I manage to get down to the hood. Here everything was wide awake. Bobby’s street was alive. There were several black guys sitting on his porch. I could hear music playing from somewhere. The street was parked full, but his drive was empty as usual.

There was a commotion as I pulled back along the house. A very big black guy opened my door and led me up the back steps. Bobby came out to the back porch rubbing sleepy eyes. I remember crying when I saw him. He said nothing, just gave me a strong embrace, a deep sweet kiss, and led me up to his room on the second floor. Everything he did was filled with kindness.

His room was big and fancy. His bed was enormous. I was an emotional wreck.

I remember him taking off my clothing. He gave me what he called a sleeping pill. I remember the warmth of his body. I remember his lips. I remember the blackest night with deep sound sleep.

I awoke some long time later. It was daylight. I was completely nude, covered with a blanket, lying beside Bobby in his large four poster canopy bed. I was resting on his right arm as he lay propped up on several big pillows, looking down at me, smiling, wide awake. I will always remember the feeling that came over me…I was a little girl again. I was safe. There was no one here that would scream at me, condemn me, or ridicule me or worse.

“Wow girl, you damn near slept the clock around. It’s the middle of the afternoon. Bet your feeling a lot better now.”

I moved up a little on his arm to look toward the window.

“How long have you been awake?”

I asked quietly.

“I’ve been here for hours, holding you and letting you catch up on that rest.”

He smiled down,

“You really needed some special attention when you got here last night, lover. You were at the end of your straw.”

“I wondered what the hell had happened to you until I started to hear things around the hood. They tell me that whole white world shit on you big time. You had every reason to me a mess. Guys in building maintenance at the hospital put out that a bitch in reception did you in, big time. She set the whole world on you.

You came to the right place. I’m glad you got here without getting hurt. Bobby will always have your back. I put things together for you right after you got here. I had my guys put your car in the garage so it wouldn’t be found and I put the word out in the hood that we want you to have full protection here. You’re safe. Not even the fuzz will mess with you here. I got it all under control.”

I turned on my side to face him and hugged him so tightly my breasts started to respond.

“Bobby you cannot imagine the horror I went through and they only know a small part of the story. I have never seen people so angry. Thank you for taking me in. I’m so happy to be with you, to be safe from that nightmare if only for a few minutes. “

He looked at me with a mock disgust.

“What do you mean…a few minutes, girl? Get that minutes stuff out of your mind. A few minutes don’t solve it for you. You came here out of a world of shit and abuse that ain’t going away. It will only get worse, far worse, if you go back and they beat the whole story out of you. They don’t give a damn about you and you know it. There is nothing but hurt for you there, and you don’t need any part of their crap; understand?”

He hugged me to him,

“On the other side there is nothing but happiness and love for you here.”

He hesitated looking down at me. He was so concerned about me. I could feel loving commitment in every word.

Bobby was a loving guy, but he was forceful and blunt. He put everything right on the table for me,

“If you think you want more of that shit back home, Caroline, go back right now, before all the kindness down here gets further under your skin. Don’t stay and get caught up in all the love that’s here for you or you will never go back. Get up, right now, and head home. I’ll have your car backed out and ready by the time you get dressed and down there. Just say the word.”

He hesitated again. Looking at me with the most possessive look I have ever seen,

“But understand; if you stay here now, you are here with me from now on; understood?”

The horrible scene in the kitchen last evening came flooding back. My dad’s angry face; I had never seen anyone so angry; my mother crying uncontrollable with disappointment and sorrow.

I lay there cradled in Bobby’s loving arm, warm, safe, comfortable.

Slowly, revolutionary thinking came over me. I lay on his arm in comfort and security, but I knew his last words were not an idle threat. “If you stay you are here from now on.”

With that foremost in my mind, came to the most significant conclusion of my life.

There was a bad element in my home life that I had never allowed myself to truly consider. It became clear last night.

My parent’s anger last night explained so much. I could not get the intensity of my parent’s anger out of my mind. I had never seen people so distraught. Why, oh why, would they be so angry knowing only what they knew? So I was pregnant. They thought it was by a fellow classmate, Kyle. If that were true as they believed, that would not be the end of the world. It happens. It might have called for some disappointment on their part, but nothing like the vial, hateful, treatment I got from them.

It had to be something much more…something that went far beyond the obvious…and as I lay there it became clear.

Their love for me was very twisted and wrong. Think about it. I was a scared pregnant girl, but I was still their only daughter, and they had not offered even one expression of concern or love. They had offered nothing supportive. No compassion what so ever.

There was a reason…a very big reason…and here was that reason. All their love for me was completely self serving. The entire diatribe had been about them. It was all about the disappointment they were going to experience…the embarrassment at the club…the embarrassment in the neighborhood…the terrible impression this pregnancy would make with relatives and their friends.