Sex toy? Sex slave? Sex queen? (2)Why I can’say no?

The next time I wake up, my first thought is that I need to think.

I go to the bathroom and hear the men talking in the kitchen. I can’t face them now.

The shame of my licentiousness last night is back.

I take a quick shower and try not to think about whose hands lingered on which part of my body last night.

I try to understand what happened and why now. Why not two years ago? Never one of the men tried something on me.

I need time alone, and I will take it.

I scurry out of the bathroom and into my bedroom.

I rarely lock my door, but today I feel the need.

Only my key is no longer in the lock where it always is!

What does that mean? I look at the floor to see if it might have fallen out, but it never has.

It has been removed!

Panic and anger flood my mind. Who dared to take my room key?

I quickly get dressed, comb through my disheveled hair, and rush into the kitchen.

“Where’s my room key?”, I ask into the room. I expect silence or evasion.

“Here.”, says Pao, pointing to the sideboard. I walk toward it to take the key, but he gets in my way.

“Sit down!” he says, pointing to the breakfast table.

Angrily, I look him in the face to really give him a piece of my mind about his insolence. Images of last night immediately come to mind when I see his lips.

I could try to reach around him to take the key, but the closeness of his body does something to me that I don’t understand.

I look at Adam, but he only looks at Pao and remains silent. I open my mouth to argue, but Pao takes a step toward me and I fall silent.

Am I afraid of him? Why?

He had never done anything to me and certainly wouldn’t do it.

Why am I backing away inside?

Am I afraid that he will touch me?

Yes! I am afraid that he will touch me and that it will be like last night. I’m afraid of wanting him. Or Adam. I have to get out of here, away from these men.

I turn around and flee to my room. Like a little child.

I slam the door behind me and sit down on the bed. I can’t think for long, because my bedroom door opens without a knock. Adam comes in and walks towards me.

“Are you going to come into the kitchen to talk, or should we come in?” He asks this quite seriously and holds out his hand to me. I don’t want to touch him, any more than I wanted to touch Pao.

He knows it and doesn’t move from the spot. If I try to get up, I will land right in front of his body. Much too close.

I have no choice but to take his hand.

When I put my hand in his paw, it goes through me like an electric shock and I try to pull it back. Do I see mockery in his eyes as he grips tighter?

What is this all about? Will he pull me with him if I refuse? Like a little kid who doesn’t want to go home from the playground?

He pulls me up and goes into the kitchen.

Completely confused, I follow him.

Pao turns around and looks at my place at the table, where there is a cup of coffee. He doesn’t say anything.

I know he doesn’t like to repeat himself.

Adam doesn’t let go of my hand until I sit down.

A quiet sense of loss creeps into my thoughts. I reach for my coffee and stare into it. I can’t look at any of the men.

“You won’t need your room key anymore,” I hear Pao say.

What nonsense is he babbling?!

How will he know what I will need and when?!

What the fuck is that all about?!

“You won’t lock yourself in your room for hours or days this time like you always do when you have a problem and want to think. You don’t have a problem cara.” Again this pet name and again so serious.

“You won’t lock your room door at all because everything you do, you can do in our presence”

WHAT???? Is Pao crazy? Totally crazy?

I look up expecting a laugh and confirmation that it’s a joke, but neither of them smiles. Anger boils up inside me.

“And what the hell are you going to do when I do? Punish me???”, I reply, laughing into his serious face.

He nods.

He actually nods!!!

The absurdity of the situation leaves me speechless.

I finish my warm coffee, leave the cup on the table and go to my room, smashing the door behind me.

The slam of the door behind me breaks my tension.

I shake all over my body.