Chapter 5


“When did you learn about him?”

“Your father never lied to me.”

“Where is he?” It was supper time.

“Father called him away.”

“You were going to tell me.”

Mother smiled. “I’m glad I didn’t have to.”

“How-?” It was the hardest question.

“You know about stem cells. They can become sperm cells.”

“That’s not legal.”

“Not yet. The country where you were conceived was more like an enclave of mad scientists.”

“You’re getting too comic book on me, Mom.”

She smiled again. I loved her smile. It was all too rare. “You were not an experiment. The procedure was proven safe several years before we paid to conceive you.” Her smile waned. “I used to love comic books.”

“Did father tell you to grow up?” He’d told me that, when I was thirteen.

“I still read them.” She tapped her laptop. “But I don’t love them as much.”

“Do you really let him rule you?”

“Of course, Walter. I promised him.”

“Because you love him?”

She quieted. “I love you. That was our deal.”

“You wanted a child, and you wanted to be able to work.”

“That’s right.” She ran a finger over her touchpad. An app launched, code editor. She was itching for it.

“No, Mother.” I pulled her finger from the pad. “I have a million questions.”

“There’s only one question you need, and you have to answer it. Do you love your father?”

I released Mother’s finger. “Yeah.” All other questions were worthless.

“Wait. I can’t help it. You gotta tell me. Is he really your sex partner?”

“That’s private, Walter. I won’t tell him you asked.” She shook her shoulders and rubbed her neck.” She wanted to get back to work.

“Is Grandfather your sex partner?”

“Walter. I’m not going to be patient with you.”

I’d lost. I’d never know how my mother really felt about how the ‘men’ in her home could treat her. “Um- Am I your sex partner?” I felt like I was about to pee in my pants. I was terrified.

“Make yourself dinner, Walter.” She examined her code.

Father arrived later that night. I was studying for a special exam that might merit a college subsidy. He passed my door.

“Good night, Walter.”

“Good night, -” I started to cry.

I was wiping my eyes when Mother knocked. “Walter, your father is very upset.”

“I’m sorry.” I wanted to cry again.

“We’ll talk in the morning.”

I couldn’t sleep. I went out for a midnight walk around the neighborhood, against Father’s curfew. I didn’t return until four in the morning. I stayed up, reading an online manual for submissives. It was shit. I woke up, head on my desk, at a knocking.

“Come to the breakfast table, Walter.” Father called.

Bleary, weary, heartsick, and scared, I stumbled into the dining area.

“Walter, you’ll leave for college next week. Your mother and I will pay for your housing.”

“Huh?”

“I can’t be anyone but who I am, Walter. You need time and space to figure out how to process my birth sex.”

“I can manage. I-I will manage, F-father.”

He shook his head.

“Sweetheart, your father has decided.”

I slammed my hand on the table. “I haven’t.”

Dad leaped up. “I can order you out of my house this minute, Son.”

“You can. Father.” I couldn’t face him. “But then you’ll lose Mother, too.”

Three individuals struggled with individual thoughts.

“We have an agreement. You don’t understand.” Father began.

“I understand, if you don’t let her love me, you break that agreement.”

“I don’t have to live with you, to love you, Son.” Mother backed him.

“Try it, Mom. I’m not the one with something to lose.” Both of them did.

“Emotional blackmail is the worst, Walter. I didn’t think you capable.”

“I didn’t think I was a freak!” I broke down again. I slumped in my chair and bawled.

Arms quickly hugged me. “You don’t believe that.”

“I’ve thought I was a freak since I first wanted to fuck you.”

Father exploded. “Out of my house! Out! Out! We’ll send your things.”

Mother could have calmed him. “Go, Son. I’ll call your grandfather.”

“I’m not going!” I threw off Mother’s arms. I stood up to my dad. “I would go, if you loved me.”

She shook her head. “I will drag you out.”

“Ed!” Mother shot his name.

“I will fuck you!” I pointed at him.