Only One Road – chapter 14

– XIV –


Then


I can’t remember for sure when I realized that. I think it was sometimes in the middle of March when it hit me. I realized a couple of things actually. One of them was the fact that I was getting completely lost in him. Nothing mattered but his eyes, his smile, his touch… It felt like I was slowly becoming a part of him, or maybe his shadow, I don’t know. Lately I was catching myself copying his gestures, the way he talked, even the way he ate. But at the same time I’ve noticed that he would use the same words and idioms as me, and the way he dressed was eerily similar to mine for the last month or so.

Sometimes I was wondering what is going to happen to both of us in, let’s say, two years from now. Would we become completely alike? To the point that we even manage to look the same? Would we just become one entity instead of two independent ones? I couldn’t figure out if the thought scared me or not. I mean, losing myself completely was scary but at the same time inviting somehow.

The second thing that I realized was the fact that his violent side didn’t disturb me anymore. Whatsoever. Sometimes when he’d become too restless or annoyed and I knew that he just needed to “blow off steam” (a nice way to put it), I would actually help him to provoke someone, to start a fight just so he could get his jollies. We didn’t even have to talk about it, we could read each other perfectly by then. And after yet another ugly scene, I wouldn’t even think about it twice. At first there would be an urgent frantic whisper or sometimes even screaming in my head. “You are becoming just like him!” I would shut it up immediately and soon enough it simply stopped.

As for my common sense, it seemed that it was gone along with that frightened voice in my head. I still have no clue how in hell we never got caught. Seriously, we skipped the lunch period almost every day since the beginning of March. We would go almost anywhere that seemed remotely safe – bathrooms, locker room, the sheds behind the football field. I knew that there was a crapload of nasty talk and rumors behind our backs but everyone knew better than to say something in our faces. People knew that if they manage to get on Dylan’s or my bad side, they would pay for that dearly.

Even my mother who was usually pretty laid back about my choices or behavior, was beginning to get somewhat concerned about all the changes in me. I would just shrug it off every time she tried to “do the talk”. I would just point out the fact that my grades didn’t suffer and that people do change sometimes and that it’s not necessarily a bad thing. Finally she left me alone but her eyes would get wary every time she saw me and Dylan together. I guess it was pretty obvious that he was the reason I changed so much. Finally it started to piss me off and I would spend more and more nights at Kay’s house instead of mine.

Billy and his pets would try to pester us every chance they’ve got. We had several nasty fights with them but nothing as bad as the one back in January. One of those fights cost Billy yet another tooth and Mickey ended up with three broken fingers and a cracked wrist bone.

I don’t know what would happen to us if the shit didn’t hit the fan at the end of the second week of April. Maybe we would get arrested eventually. Or maybe we would get killed, I have no idea. Either possibility seemed quite likely. But that night – it was a Saturday – changed it all.

Now that I am thinking back, I find it kind of funny that whenever something really nasty happened in my life, my parents were never home. They would inevitably be away, on one of those deal-signing things. Believe me, I am not complaining. I am glad it always happened that way. Because if they were home on that Saturday night, I don’t know how everything would play out.

That evening Dylan was supposed to take Kay to the airport.