Online dating, for years it’s been seen as one of the most desperate ways to meet someone. The possibility of meeting people who were unstable, lying about their identity, or complete psychopaths drove most sane people away. Lately with more and more people spending time on their computers, tablets and phones, it’s been given a massive popularity boost. I never really got into the whole dating scene in general to me it was for people looking to settle down or people looking for sex.
I was a decent looking man, not extremely strong or macho but fit enough for an active life, I kept myself clean, my light brown hair managed as long as it didn’t get too long in which case it became ridiculously curly and out of control. So I didn’t have much trouble with women but I was content with being without those complications for now. My friends however felt differently.
One morning I was going through my emails as I do every morning and there I saw something new. There was an email in my in-box with the label POF. I figured it was spam but I felt curious so I opened it. It was a regular email greeting, Hi thanks for joining our site, edit your profile, upgrade your account etc etc. There was only two things wrong here, one I had never heard of a website called POF before, and two the name at the top of the page was Carli, the name of one of my best friends.
Of course it was Carli, she had been driving me insane lately telling me I need to go out and meet someone. Apparently a friend who isn’t in a relationship has to be miserable, so what’s the better solution than to toss him into the world of online dating. She had even written a profile up for me and posted one of the worst pictures imaginable right on the site.
Looking over at the clock it was 8:14am, she was definitely asleep right now, perfect. Dialing her number I let it ring until I got her voice mail, I hung up immediately and redialed. It took three more of these until she finally picked up
“What?” she grumbled sleepily.
“So Plenty of Fish sounds like a fun site,” I said calmly into the phone.
“Chris? It’s eight in the morning, what the hell are you doing calling me?!” she yelled
“Well I was checking my email and considering you were kind enough to sign me up for something like this I thought I would return the courtesy by giving you an early wake up call.”
“Ugh, fuck off,” she moaned, followed by the click of her cell closing.
This was far from over though I knew Carli too well. She wouldn’t be able to sleep after that. I finished going through my email and just as I started on a report for work I saw that familiar Skype bubble in the corner, “Pocketkitty” was online.
Chris: So you ready to explain this?
Pocketkitty: You didn’t have to wake me up like that, I Just want you to be happy
Chris: I am happy, I’m always happy
Pocketkitty: Yeah well now you’ll be even happier!
Chris: Well how am I supposed to go around meeting women when I have your name?
Pocketkitty: No problem you can change that.
Chris: Along with the ridiculous description and hideous picture
Pocketkitty: Awww, I worked hard on that description, and it’s not my fault you hate cameras.
Chris: Do tell me what keeps me from just deleting this account?
Pocketkitty: Because if you do meet someone and I meet someone then we can double date and all hang out together!
Chris: …
Pocketkitty: Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?!?!
Pocketkitty: I has extra ticket for Sound of Music
Chris: If I meet a murderer and get killed I’m going to haunt you forever
Pocketkitty: YAY!!!
And there I was, sitting in front of a screen, ready to edit the web page that would act as the conduit for my dating life. After changing the name, rewriting my description a dozen times and deleting the photo I was ready to start looking for someone. Hitting the search button I started going through the nearby women who I thought would make good girlfriends but nearly every one had “Must have a picture to contact this user”, even for the women that didn’t have pictures themselves. I guess I will have to take a decent picture one day until then I will wait.
Just as I was finishing going through the tabs I had already opened fate seemed to shine on me, a woman who had no requirements for contact, no picture either but I didn’t mind. And my luck didn’t end there, she was online and available for chatting now all I needed was a way to get her attention. Staring at the blank chat box I went through all the possible ways to introduce myself.
Roamingwild: So a woman of mystery, you must have all kinds of men chasing after you on here.
Cutiewithabooty: Hehe thanks you’re right I even have a stick ready to chase them off. I see your being mysterious yourself any crowds of chicks chasing you around?
Roamingwild: Well today’s my first day so I haven’t been subjugated to the flood of adoring women just yet. I was actually hoping I would find myself someone soon so that I can change my status and avoid the endless date requests.
Cutiewithabooty: Well I could use a break how about we spend a little time together and see if we click?
Roamingwild: Well if you can put up with me then it sounds like a plan.
That day really was my lucky day, not only did I find someone I found someone who seemed to be able to actually hold a decent conversation.