My Stay at the Institute

My name is Devin. I’ve been in this institution for 4 years now. Or was it 4 months? Sometimes I’m just not sure. Every time I screw up they up the medication. That’s the solution to everything, for them. Sometimes I don’t know my dick from a doorknob in this place. I don’t really remember why I was put here…I remember being in court…some sad lady crying all the time. I was accused of something or other, and now I’m here. Or maybe I imagined that. Like I said, sometimes I’m just not sure.
It’s not so bad, really. Free meals, a nice big room. They put me in a padded one. I never really thought these things really existed, I always thought these were something invented by the guys in Hollywood. Or at least I think I thought that…

Apparently they think I’m a danger to myself. I would never hurt anyone, especially not myself. You’d think by now they would realize that, I’ve been in here for so long (haven’t I?) When have I ever hurt myself…or anyone? Never…or at least, I don’t think so.

Once a week they let me eat breakfast in the cafeteria with the low-riskers. They seat me at a table by myself and chain my ankle to the wall, but at least I can get out of that room. There’s something wrong with it. I always hear screaming at night…little girls. They scream at me to “stop,” even though I’m just trying to sleep. I don’t think they want me to sleep. I understand, I don’t like to sleep either, I can’t control my thoughts in my sleep. I don’t like the dreams in this room. Maybe the little girls are my friends, and they are just trying to help out.

Today was different though. My mind was clearer than usual. I don’t remember taking any drugs the past couple days. That either means they’ve upped my dose so high that I can’t remember a fucking thing…or they really did take me off the meds for a couple days. I don’t like the clarity. Being able to see…to think…it only makes the screams louder. Were the pills causing all this?

A doctor walked over to my table. I hate this fucker. “Hey Devin, how you are doin’?” I grumbled, “Ummm…ok I guess…” I didn’t like the look in his eye, it was like he was testing me. “Well great, how about we get that chain off you, huh?” Now that took me by surprise. I shrugged, “Ummm…ok I guess” He gave a little smirk, and I wanted to wipe it off his fucking face. He bent over and worked the chain off my ankle. I fought the urge not to get up and slam his head into the fucking table. “You seem better Devin, you’ve been re-assigned to low risk. Congratulations” Something didn’t seem right, but I was intrigued, “Ummm…ok I guess…do I get a new room?” He shook his head.