My Secret Life Vol-01 Chapter 0I Part 02

My Secret Life

Chapter I

PART 2

I could not, as the reader will hear, thoroughly uncover my prick tip without pain till I attained majority , nor well then when quite stiff unless it went up a cunt. My nursemaid, I expect thought this curious, and tried to remedy the error in my make, and hurt me. My mother, by her extremely delicate feeling, shut herself off from much knowledge of the world, which was the reason why she had such implicit belief in my virtue until I had seen twenty-two years, and kept, or nearly so, a French harlot. I imagine I must have slept with this nursemaid, and certainly, I did with some female, in a room called the Chinese room, on account of the color of the wallpapers. I recollect a female being there in bed with me, that I awoke one morning feeling very hot and stifled, and that my head was against the flesh; that flesh was all about me, my mouth and nose being embedded in hair, or something scrubby, which had a hot peculiar odor. I have a recollection of a pair of hands suddenly clutching and dragging me up on to the pillow, and of daylight then. I have no recollection of a word being uttered. This incident I could not long have forgotten, having told my cousin heard of it before my father did. He used to say it was the governess.

I suppose I must have slipped down in my sleep, till my head laid against her belly and cunt: Some years afterward, when I got the smell of another woman’s cunt on my fingers, it at once reminded me of the smell I had under my nose in the bed; and I knew at a flash that I had smelt cunt before and recollected where, but no more.

How long after I have no idea, but it seems like two or three years, there was a dance in our house, several relations were to stop the night with us, the house was full, there was bustle, the shifting of beds, the governess going into a servant’s room to sleep, and so on. Some female cousins were amongst those stopping with us; going into the drawing-room suddenly, I heard my mother saying to one of my aunts, “Walter Oh it’s only for one night.’ ‘Hush-hush,’ both said as they saw me, then my mother sent me out of the room, wondering why they were talking about me, and feeling curious and annoyed at being sent away.

I had been in the habit then of sleeping in a room either with another bed in it or close to a room leading out of it, with another bed, I cannot recollect which; I used to call out to whoever might have been there when I was in bed: for being timid, the door was kept open for me.