My Konstantine & Me – “Hi.”

So here I am again, lost in thought, shutting everyone out. It’s one of those moods that creeps in so slowly, like a nite of champagne, a single candle, and a playlist that could make a flip-of-the-wrist at a rainbow parade want to slit his wrists. Initially, you think you are just in the mood for champagne, just cause it tastes so sweet and it is the choice beverage of toasts at times of celebration, so how could it be gloomy. And of course the candle symbolizes a sense of romance, passion and even peaceful self-preserving meditation. And of course the excuse for the playlist coincides with that feeling of need for music that reflects the calm collective mood you are contemplating. And there you go, three impressive explanations that you, naturally, except without question. Damn.

This is the type of mood you thrive on, wait for, even anticipate…and even though I may not consciously acknowledge it, I know that at some point, eventually, you will appear. Will it be tonite??? At this point you have developed the ability to sense these phases…you are impressive in that respect. It begins at the end and progresses, til the end becomes the beginning. Ignoring your calls, not responding to messages sent…no matter how heated and erotic…no matter what fantasy you are currently exploring with those soft curious and experienced fingers of yours. I resist, though it isn’t even resisting, because my drive to indulge in your many skills has been banished, exiled, and left me to my solitude. Of course it does not bother me…in that moment I am exactly where I want to be, so ignoring you is not even a conscious decision…it is merely me, being me.

As I lay there, lost in the flicker of the candle, Something Corporate’s ‘Konstantine’ gliding throughout the room, a darkness obstructs the white wall that moments earlier provided the backdrop to the flame that had possessed all thought. I close my eyes tight and open them to find you standing there in the open carpet of room. I close my eyes again, tighter, and open them to confirm that it is in fact you. It is. Your expression is limited, unreadable, yet smooth.