my first step in USA was with dream of meeting my soulmate ,, tall white blonde American lady ,, i kept trying but there was no luck ,, i figured out not all what we have been informed truths ,,
one night when i was checking some sexual porno sites ,, a commercial appeared on my screen about gay bars ,, honestly i was so curious .. i am not straight but i tried my best to control my desire so i did sex with men before but not frequently ,, so i tried to give this idea away when i decided to start a new life here !
day or couple days curiosity forced me to check gay bars again and special feelings controlled me that moment so i told myself ,, whats wrong if i go and check it !
i am still a new resident ,, who will care have some fun !
i walked to the bar because i didnt have a car that time ,, so i walk about 20 minutes to that bar ,, and when i came in was surprise it was entirely slow ,, a man or 2 and the bartender
i ordered a beer while watching the affected movements of the bartender ,, he was that kind of gay who try to show the feminine part of himself …
i drank my beer ,, waited for a 30 minutes but nothing changed ,, i was nervous ,, therefore i walked around ,, entered to a restaurant there to eat something then i walked past the bar ,, here i found my legs leading me to that kinky place again ,, people showed up but not as many as i have expected ,, oh fuck it is Monday and that`s why !
i got upset and i was telling myself ,, so what! you did not come here to fuck but to check
while i was there people were checking me ,, but they did not approach ,, so i was thinking ,, oh you got older and nobody will care ,, you are not the same boy who was dressing his mother cloths and got men crazy around ,, not that young man who was making men crazy
or maybe because i could not smile or showing happy face ,, come on how can i show happy face when i am worry and nervous ,, this internal conversation continued until the time i decided to leave this fucking place .
I came out and stepped some treads then a black guy was sitting on the porch of the nearest florist store ,, it was so cold what he is doing there ( i said to myself)
oh my God he is trying to talk to me ,, let me walk quickly he looked like a bum and maybe he will ask some bucks
but the man stopped me and told me
– buddy may i have one cigarette ?
– ok
– you do not look happy ,, things did not go like you expect ?
-sorry , what are you talking about ?
i handed him the cigarette over and intended to go then he said again ,, huh if you like some fun i am here ,,, he astonished me so my reply was emotion
-what are you talking about and what did you notice to tell me that ,,,,,he answered the bar ..