My first love_(3)

My First Love


Part 1


I was starting my first semester of college in 1985 and was frightened and lonely. All my friends had gone to other schools or started working and they all were chasing girls like crazy. I wasn’t. I had tried desperately to have a girlfriend in highschool but I knew I was living a lie. I just wasn’t attracted to girls they way my friends were. I thought some girls were pretty, but once I look beyond the face I just wasn’t interested. I was too scared to approach any guys and went to a very small rural district. I did not think any other guys were like me.


I knew I was gay when my friends and I decided to camp one weekend. I was changing into a bathing suit and my friend entered the tent and started to change also. He was my most attractive friend and I tried desperately not to look but being in that tent naked with him for a few seconds drive me crazy. I didn’t do or say anything. But I thought about that moment a lot.


Spanish was my first class and I sat in the back row. I petite young man sat beside me and I glance over. He had dark black hair and slightly pale skin. He still wore braces on his teeth and when he caught my eye he smiled and said “hi.”


I said hello and teacher started attendance. He answered to Sage Conner. I had never met a boy named Sage before. His voice was higher pitched than mine and it sounded lovely. The class went well and when I was walking out I heard a voice behind me.


“What did you think?” It was Sage and he moved up beside me and we walked together. I told him my name was Jimmy and this was my first class.


“Do you live on campus?” He asked and kept grinning at me. I was starting to think he was flirting with me but that could not be true. I lived at home and commuted to school. I got to the end of the walk and was hoping he would stay with me, but he had a class and turn the other way. The next class was in two days and I counted down the time to see him again. We chatted a little before class and when the professor told us to split in partners we joined up. He sat across from me and we practice pronunciation. I stared into his eyes and was getting a big crush on him. He was so cute. He had died a very small patch of his hair a very dark purple so it was barely noticeable. I notice it. I notice everything about him. How he rolled he eyes after making a mistake and how he held his hand in front of his mouth like he was embarrassed of his braces.


when class was over he asked for a ride to his dorm room. I couldn’t believe my luck. He climbed into my car and i drove him the few blocks to the campus houses.


“Thanks, Jimbo” he said and tapped my knee with my hand, then got out of the car. It was the weekend and the thought of not seeing him for three days made me sick. He stopped, came back to the car and leaned in


“Hey you want to hangout this Saturday night?”


I couldn’t believe it. “Sure that’d be cool” I said not trying to sound overly anxious.


“Pick me up at 7:00 sharp” he said and winked at me.


“Okay I’ll be here.” He walked up the sidewalk and then turn to look at me. We waved and smile and I think he winked again. I was I love.


When I drove up to the dorm he was waiting outside for me. He had a black jacket on and black jeans. He got into the car and I felt underdressed. I could smell his cologne and he had styled his hair with some moose. He looked a bit effeminate but that turned me on. It made me think we were thinking the same thing. We first went to a movie and I felt proud having this beautiful boy by my side. We set in the dark and our arms touched a few times. God I wish he take my hand. When the movie was over we are at a food court in theater. We talked a little about the movie and out Spanish class. His foot suddenly tapped mine under the table and I blushed.


“Let’s get out of here.”


We got to the car and sat in the dark. I didn’t know what to say.


“You okay?” He asked and looked at me.


“Yea I’m fine. I. “. I stopped and Sage moved a little closer. “I not sure what this is?”


Sage knew what I was talking about. He looked at me and told me it was whatever I wanted it to be.


“I’ve never done,”. He stopped me with a kiss. It happened so fast I was in shock. He backed away and my heart raced. He look gorgeous sitting there and I still tasted him on my lips. I think we wore a little lip gloss.


“Was that okay?” He asked.


I nodded. So that what this was. I drove back to the dorm and we car a second.


“I want to kiss you again, but someone might see.” I understood and nodded. He placed his hand on my leg and rubbed me a little. I grew excited.


” I’ll see you Monday “. I smiled and said goodbye.


I hated Sunday. I was so miserable I couldn’t stand it. I had to see Sage. I drove to the dorm and asked the dorm attendant for his room number.