My Bad Covid Romance – 4

Welcome back to my diary. Thank you all for the feedback and the messages. Since quite some people seem to stumble over the German nickname Matze, I will change it to Mat for the rest of the story. And now without further ado back to the summer of 2020.

___________________________________________________________________________

Mat stayed overnight. I loved it and I remember that I didn’t want to fall asleep, wanting to savor every minute of the time we had together. We talked far into the night. Not about what would happen with our now changed (and messed) relationship but about our past. We had talked about some of these things before on our afternoons and evenings together but it was different now after we made love.

I told him about all the times I have had a crush on someone during my youth and had been too inhibited to talk to them. How I later repelled all sexual advances from men who were interested in me as a woman. I talked with him about how difficult it had been for me to come to terms with my body and how I had always felt inferior when I compared myself with other women. He wanted to hear nothing about it and told me that I was beautiful the way I am. Apart from that he said that, for him, my personality was the most pretty and precious quality he loved about me. Now, while I am writing this down, that might sound like a cheesy thing to say but it also feels incredibly good to have the person you love tell you this while you are in his arms.

He was very open with me and told me in detail about the sexual experiences he was having in the past. How he had felt during his first time (right after he had gotten his motorcycle driving license) and then the twelve other flings and relationships he had. I was rather surprised that he had slept with that many women before. He didn’t talk about Nadine. There was a silent agreement between us to not bring her up at that evening.

What really put me off and led to a very awkward discussion was when he told me about the last time he had sex with another woman, which had been with a prostitute in 2018 while he was on a business trip to Dresden. That really shocked me multi-plane. Funny enough the first thing that came to my mind (but I said nothing about) was that this meant he had been unfaithful towards Nadine while they were married. I mean, seriously ? That is the first thing? After we just had cheated on her in almost the same manner?

Anyway what I am trying to say here and what I told Mat as well is that it is completely beyond me why he would do such a thing. For me, I could never imagine having sex in real life with a person I know nothing about, just for the carnal satisfaction. He could not really explain to me why he had done it.