Miss Jacobs in jeopardy

Miss Jacobs in Jeapardy

It was a tolerably warm winters morn in Cartlebury in the lower latitudes of England just before the great war with Napoleon.

The nobility were assembled in the yard at the Fox public house ready for the Fox hunt to commence. The Lord Cartlebury and his ilk in their red jackets on fine steeds, the lower orders in black on ordinary steeds, and the lower orders afoot.

Into this situation rode our heroes. Miss Jacobs, the body of an angel, beautiful blue eyes, long blonde hair, a heart of stone and the object of if not affection, then certainly lust from every warm blooded male who met her.

Alan Allenbridge was perhaps the exception, Miss Jacobs’ perfection struck fear into him, he wheeled his horse away rather that wish her good day. She watched with amusement, plotting how to humilliate him. Bunty Bagthorpe roused her from her day dream.

“Ah Miss Jacobs, are you well,” Bunty enquired as he found himself and his horse beside Miss Jacobs and her steed.

Poor Bunty had the wit of a half dead Orangutan and the stature of a Pot bellied Pig but was an amiable cove for all that.

“A bit sore, my Dildo is chafing,” she said disarmingly, “A girl has to do something to enliven these proceedings you know!”

She turned away and suddenly there was an almighty crumping noise, like a hay stack collapsing or similar.

Bunty had fallen of his steed, awkwardly, he had seemingly fainted and now lay motionless upon his back.

“Good lord Bunty,” Lord Cartlebury challenged, “Surely your not pissed before we even set off.” and seeing the cove immobile he ordered, “Young Allenbridge, give a hand lad, I’ll never get back on if I dismount, touch of gout.”

Alan reluctantly approached Bunty as Miss Jacobs hovered near, “She said her Dildo was chafing!” Bunty explained as he regained some of his senses.

“You mis heard,” Alan said, “Miss Jacobs said her girdle was chafing, clearly you mis heard.”

Miss Jacobs was not pleased, she did not want Allenbridge’s interference, she wanted to humiliate Bunty.

“I said Dildo you slimy oik,” she hissed as Alan raised Bunty up beside her horse.

“I know,” Alan answered, “Bunty has one up his ass hole.”

There was an astonished gasp and a crump, Miss Jacobs lost her footing as she rode side saddle and she too crashed to the ground. Her voluminous skirts blew up and Alan saw for himself that she had lied about the dildo as her loose fitting underwear afforded Alan a perfect view of her woman’s parts.

“Idiot!” she snapped pushing Alan away as he proffered a hand.

He recoiled and went to re mount his steed as every hot blooded male made a bee line for Miss Jacobs.

Willing hands restored Miss Jacobs to her mount but Alan’s rapid departure displeased her, for she wished at all times to be the centre of attention, as if it were her right.

Miss Jacobs was annoyed, how dare Allenbridge seek to ignore her, she suddenly desired him to make advances no matter how trivial, in order that she might put him in his place firmly and with as much humiliation as she could contrive.

There wasn a blare of hunting horns and the hunt moved off.