Mimics are the Worst

Adventurers are so dumb.

Let them get a few drinks in, and suddenly their pockets are much looser. Not even the observant rogues caught on once they were deep in their cups. And people paid less attention when someone inconspicuous slipped a hand in their pocket.

Adrian was a master of the art of pick-pocketing. This time, he had managed to snag something expensive. Or, at least it appeared expensive.

The object appeared to be a small statue made of a colorful rock. It was about the size of his hand and very light to hold. He couldn’t determine what the object was supposed to be. It didn’t look like any animal he had seen before. He stowed it away in his pocket, excited to have it appraised by the fencer in the morning.

Adrian ran to his hideout, eager to be somewhere the adventurers wouldn’t be able to find him. He hoped they weren’t the type who had spells to locate stolen goods. It was rare, but that was the last thing he wanted to deal with.

When he got to the hideout, Adrian placed his gear on the floor and dropped the little idol on his dresser. Most of the furniture in his home was broken, makeshift, or poorly held together. The bed was a large downy mattress covered with blankets and things he had stolen from clotheslines around the area.

He undressed and flopped on the bed. Adrian slept mostly nude, preferring the feeling of the blankets and cool air on his skin. Unlike most men, Adrian had been born with what some called ‘lady parts.’ Lots of people had told him this meant he was a girl, but he never listened. He was a man, and he would always be one. Didn’t matter what kind of parts he had.

He kept his blond hair cropped short, and dressed in men’s clothes. Though his body was thin and developed a delicate curve around his waist, he saw it as a blessing. While his friends had blocky bodies, he was still slight enough to fit into all the tight places. Which was where the best loot was usually kept.

Tonight he was quite pleased with himself. That little statue had to be worth something. Once he got paid, he was going to go to his favorite food stalls and buy all kinds of goodies. Maybe he’d get to see the lovely Ms. Tanner who worked in the bakery. She was sweet on him, he just knew it.

With a smile on his face, and baked goods on his mind, Adrian slipped into sleep.

***

He woke up a few hours later to a strange sensation.