Merry Christmas_(0)

Christmas Eve. It was dark already. Festive lights all along the high street and in the shop windows. Around me the people were rushing to the shops for some last minute gifts or home to their families.

Another coin landed in the Cup I had placed on the pavement and I murmured a “Thanks and Merry Christmas”. That was the funny thing about this time of the year. People either just rushed by or they gave more than the rest of the year. I reached for the cup, counted the coins. Not enough for a hostel, enough for food, enough for tobacco, enough for a coffee. Wait another hour and try to get more? But I was restless, memories tried to force themselves onto me. A group of young girls walked past. They were laughing, chattering. As I watched them walking down the street I made up my mind. Get up, get some food, tobacco and get going.

Just half an hour later I was walking. Leaving the crowded streets behind me calmed me down a bit. But the memories lurked in the shadows. My second Christmas on the streets, my second Christmas alone. “Why did you stupid bastard leave me like that?” I muttered, not caring a bit that I was talking to myself.

It started to rain. “Yeah, Merry Christmas”. I had to find some kind of shelter. For the first time since I started walking I looked around me. Town houses, gardens, all in a pretty bad state. As the rain grow more intense I quickened my step. I remembered this area vaguely. Just around the corner should be a graveyard with some spots where I could hide away from the rain.

And it was.

Soon enough I found a dry spot, brushed some leaves into a pile and put my blanket on top. That would do for tonight. I sat down, pulled my legs up to my chest and closed my eyes.

Without warning the memories came back. His face, so close to mine, his arms around me, his lips on mine.