Intro:
In the dark hours of the night, Tokyo screams with noise. Never silent, never peaceful, and never finished.
‘ aishite mo ii kai? yureru yoru ni
aragamama de ii yo matto fukaku
kurushii kurai ni nareta kuchibiru ga tokeau hodoni
boku wa…kimi no…vanilla’ rang through the house. The sound of Gackt: Vanilla sang it’s tempting melody in the hotel room. Translation is ‘ Would it be ok to love, too, in this trembling night?
Just like this… harder, deeper…
At the grind of your lips claiming mine,
I am… your… Vanilla.’. The song is one of my favorites, it knows exactly how I feel. My favorite part of the song ‘ Can I love you? In this trembling night
Do it just like that . . . do it more . . . you are . . .
At the grind of your hips against mine
You are . . . my . . . keeper ‘. A sensual and erotic meaning. I answer my phone “hello?”.


” Tashinaku?”

” Yes, who is this?”

” Mikashi” the voice on the other end said. I felt my heart drop to the pit of my stomach. The room grew darker as the sound of his voice continued with the conversation.

” We should talk about last night”

” why can’t we just forget about it?”

” because”

“because why?”

” I don’t want to forget about you, and I don’t want you to forget about me either”

“oh…” that’s all I could say. My heart sank deeper and a sad overwelming feeling enter my body. Last night should have happened and we both know it. Mat and I are going to stay together, no matter how much I like Mikashi. ” I have to go”
I said because the more I talk to him the harder it is to give him up ” no wait” he ended.


The train ride was hell, bumps and shaking until you feel like exploding. I’ll never ride in a train again. We were invited to stay with my sister and her family, that is if I can learn to behave. I’ve never met my sister’s kids or her husband so I’m feeling a bit nervous. When I arrive at the station I see her standing by my niece who is 3 and my nephew who is 9. Sometimes I feel envious of her life. A women walks past and accidentally bumps into me. ” excuse me” she says. She looks so familiar, her dark hair and eyes mesmerize me. ” excuse me, but do I know you?” I ask. She looks at me and instantly I know she remembers. ” sorry, I don’t think so. Perhaps do you know my ex husband?”

” what is his name?”

” Mikashi Takanori”

” Mikashi?” I asked.

” do you know him?”

” umm..yes..yes we’re close friends”

” oh, well It was nice meeting you. I’m Shikashi and this is my son Tashinaku”

” wow, we have the same name. I’m Tashinaku Mitsimoto” Everything around me seemed to darken. His son and I have the same name. His ex wife is beautiful and his son seems charming, who would want to chance that? Who would be so stupid? ” well I’m glad I had this opportunity to meet you” I said casually.

” me too. When was the last time you seen him?”

” oh, it’s been so long. About two years I think.”

” well, a lot has changed then. especially since the accident.”

” accident?”

” Mikashi was in a wheel chair for….”

” yes?”

” well a little less than two years”

” do you mind if I ask what happened?”

” He went off babbling about some guy he met and he really needed to apologize for something. After a while he went looking for this guy and he didn’t make it home for a while. Even missed Christmas.” she said. I seen sadness in her eyes, a sadness no one can fix.


” yes go on”

” The doctors said he wouldn’t be able to walk again, he was paralyzed from the waist down.”

” I’m sorry”

” the car flipped several times, and they said at the hospital the first thing he said when he woke up was…..’find Tashinaku’…