Its 1880ish before mobile phones and airplanes. Life was simpler then. Picture the scene, Massive Mansion, lawns trees, sunshine, birds singing sun shining…

Mary and her sisters were deep in animated discussion as they strolled across the lawns at Farleigh Court her new husband’s parents home It was the first time the sisters had been together since her marriage nigh on six weeks prior since when she had been on honeymoon around the sights of Europe returning on the famed “Orient Express.”

“Oh it sounds so wonderful,” Esme simpered, “Does it not Jayne?”

“And the nights, did Harold take you to heaven?” Jayne enquired mischievously.

“Jayne have some decorum|!” Esme chided, “But was romance as wonderful as you expected?”

“Yes, yes of course,” Mary insisted rather hesitantly, “Pray change the subject this is not a subject for discussion.”

“Why, was he insatiable,” Jayne queried, “Did he ravish you morning noon and night?”

“Jayne,” Esme chided and then continued, “Well did he?”

“Please!” Mary pleaded.

“It’s all right, we are sisters you can tell us,” Esme reminded her, “Could he not please you?”

Mary sadly shook her head, “On the contrary it was I who could not.”

“Submit, dear god why not?” Esme queried.

“She loves his younger brother,” Jayne added unhelpfully.

“John? No? Surely not,” Esme countered.

“Well they were inseparable before Harold wooed her,” Jayne ventured.

“No I do not love another,” Mary insisted, “But Harold loves me too much.

“How can anyone love one too much?” Jayne demanded.

“I have said too much,” Mary insisted.

Jayne thought a moment and then suggested “Perhaps he fornicates with her every minute of the night and day until her insides are stretched and red raw with.”

“No you idiot, quite the reverse,” Mary snapped.

“What he neglects you?” Esme queried how strange.

“No, no, no, He want’s me, I love him it’s just,” Mary explained.

“His appendage will not rise, father had a stallion like that,” Lucy agreed, “He had to send him to the knackers yard.”

“No, No, he loves me too much, it swells to such enormity that try as I might it will fit within me.”

“Are you saying his appendage is too big?” Lucy gasped.

“In a word yes, I can barely accept the tip within my conch,” Mary admitted, “And it is not enough, he says not to worry but I know he has to seek some serving maid or some such within whom to sate himself.”

“So you are still a virgin?” Esme queried.

“No, my physician confirms we have done enough to satisfy that one,” Mary insisted, “But I must do something, it is not fair on poor Harold.”

“Oh my, be careful what you wish for,” Lucy laughed.

“It is not a laughing matter,” Mary insisted, “And you can stop laughing too!” she added for quite un noticed Tilly a serving wench had caught up with them with as she returned from some errand or other and had burst into a fit of the giggles.

“Sorry madam, Tee he Teehehehe he,” she said as tears ran down her cheeks, “His dick’s too big!” Hahahahaha!”

“Have that wench sacked,” Mary said to no one in particular.

“You wants to stick a candle up yourself miss, or a rolling pin, that’s what I does afore the master fucks I when I don’t fancy him!” the maid said as she realized she was in big trouble.

“How dare you suggest it’s my fault,” Mary snapped.

“To be fair you did start courting John his younger brother,” Esme pointed out, “Mother told you to marry the heir not the spare.”

“Nonsense,” Mary replied though she did feel a nice warm feeling inside when she thought of John.

“Mother said all men are the same,” Lucy pointed out.

“Except some have bigger dicks!” Tilly laughed, “Sorry Ma’am.”

“Tilly exactly why are you still here?” Mary asked in frustration.

“I’m listening to see if I can help,” Tilly replied, “Perhaps you could do it with Master John a few times to loosen you up if you don’t want to stick a candle or broom handle up yourself.”

“I’ll stick a broom handle up you in a minute,” Mary snapped, “Metaphorically speaking, you understand, I don’t mean literally.”

“Shame,” Tilly replied, “I should like that, see all you posh women have to stop chaste and that and not stick anything up yourself ‘till you’re wed but us lower orders well we just get’s on and has fun.”

“I thank you very much for that information, Tilly,” Mary replied, “It was entirely and utterly, distasteful.