We had been having sex almost from the beginning. It was a relationship where you were having sex before you actually considered yourselves to be dating, despite not seeing anyone else at the time. We met at a time when she was separated from her second husband, with a divorce pending. Whatever the quality of her sex life was in both her marriages in the beginning, in the end, it was dismal. Both her husbands ended up being emotionally and physically abusive. At best, the way she described sex, it seemed to be a ‘wifely duty’, endured but not enjoyed, and often silently loathed. At worst, she never said, but I can only assume sex was taken from her unwillingly and abusively.
But when I met her, I would have never guessed that she had such poor sexual experiences for the past 10 years or more. We had gone out a few times, and at her home one evening, it began with gentle kissing, caressing, and ended with sweet love making. I guess I came across one of those women that was just starved for good sex with someone who cares about her, which I did very much, and everything really was wonderful.
We grew a lot together, sexually speaking. Living out fantasies or playing on desires that had never been realized before. We never went so far as anything sadistic or masochistic, didn’t introduce others into our sex life, and never did anything that we didn’t think the other wouldn’t like. It ranged from lovemaking by soft music and candlelight, to mutual and lone oral sex to orgasm with no penetration, mutual masterbation, to rather hard-core fucking porno-movie style.
But early in the relationship, while talking about sex, she mentioned that she thought anal sex was wrong, implying it was a moral sin of some sort. I held no such belief, even though on only a very few occaisions I had done such things. A few months later, discussing previous sexual encounters (and trying to avoid admitting to have had anal sex with another woman), she bluntly asked me if I had had anal sex before. I couldn’t lie, so I told her I had. Wow, the next few hours were less-than-pleasant with her. Despite having a quite open relationshiop and free discussion of limits of sex, even when referring to previous partners, she didn’t much appreciate my previous sexual acts in this arena, regardless of the very minor exprience I had.
She told me again how it was wrong, and even said it was ‘dirty’. Not ‘dirty’ in a provocative or sensual manner. She said ‘dirty’ in a way a mother chastizes a child for wanting to handle or investigate a dead bird. ‘Dirty’, as in the mere matter of being near the creature would bring disease or even death upon the one in the dead animal’s presence. With that in mind, I never approached her with any prospect of anal sex.
So, despite a deep and wanton desire of anal sex, I never actually asked for such action. Anal sex has always been a form of gratification that turned me on. I really have no idea how or why…it just did. But, knowing her stance on the matter, I kept the fantasy to myself.
But somehow she must have known.