While out Christmas shopping with my friend, Cheeseburger, I stopped by an adult novelties outlet store to hunt for some gift items for my family. Upon entering the massive warehouse of erotica, I witnessed a vast array of pornographic material and a wide selection of bedroom devices that would properly be suited atop a diesel mechanic’s workbench. Searching for potential holiday sales, Cheeseburger made his way over to the DVD selection while I walked around on the opposite side of the store to peruse the shelves of exotic merchandise.
As I marveled at the CyberSkin horse cock and the gargantuan butt plugs that were hanging on the walls, I came across a latex ass. The strange sex toy was reportedly shaped and molded after the buttocks of a well known porn star. Next to this forged ass were shelved all sorts of vibrating mouths, rubber vaginas, and enough fabricated penises to fill every nook and cranny of a seventh grade girls’ locker room. I was quite amazed at the size of many of the dildos, some of them being greater than the diameter of a bowling pin. In fact, there actually was a neoprene bowling pin for sell, displayed next to a latex arm and fist.
After having my astonishment fulfilled by thoroughly exploring the myriad items that people insert into their orifices, I wandered over to the racks of DVDs, where Cheeseburger was found busily searching through the titles of smut. Standing several aisled away from him, I began selecting certain movies from the available stock that had caught my eye and started yelling out to Cheeseburger for his advice on a possible purchase for my mother.
“Hey, Cheeseburger!” I hollered across the store. “What do you think of Cum-Slurping Whores Part Four? Should I get it for mom? It’s discounted.”
Cheeseburger shook his head in response to my inquiry while several nearby customers who were trying to keep a low profile shuffled away in embarrassment.
I selected another title from off the rack and held it up above my head for my friend to see. “What about Double Penetration Teens?” I yelled over to Cheeseburger. “It says here that there’s some great creampie shots.”
“Don’t your mom already have that one?” Cheeseburger responded back in a sarcastic tone.
“Hey, check this one out! Golden Showers and Squirting Snatch. Think she’d like that? It has a bloopers section on the bonus DVD.”
As I was placing the graphic film back upon the shelf, one of the store clerks approached me. She was a short black lady with gapped teeth and rows of disfigured freckles scattered over her cheeks. I immediately surveyed her body and determined that she was probably worth a poke, or at least good enough to suck me off. Her nametag read “Laquifa” and despite that fact that she had a busted grill, her thick curves definitely held my attention for a few moments. The woman was holding a blue-colored sex toy in her hands as she approached me. “Can I help you boys find somethin’?” she asked with a disenfranchised accent. “We have triple crowns, docking sleeves, and cock harnesses against the other wall over there.”
Reaching for another porn movie from off the rack, I quickly looked it over and demonstrated it to the clerk. “I was thinking about Gooey Facials Part Seven. Is it any good?”
“Oh, ya’ll like womens?” Laquifa replied. “Well, then, why don’t ya’ll get one of these?” She held out to me the strange sex toy in her hands.
“What the hell is that?” I asked.
“It’s a dolphin.”
Without touching the marital aid, I inspected it closely while Laquifa continued to exhibit it. The dildo was molded into the shape of a mutated dolphin, having a bulbous protrusion along its midsection and another strange growth coming out of the top of its head. As I was examining the item, Cheeseburger curiously walked up beside me.
The clerk rubbed the head of the dolphin. “This part goes inside the girl,” she explained, “while this part on top its head here vibrates.”
“What about that lower part down there?” Cheeseburger asked, pointing to the bulbous protrusion along the dolphin’s midsection.
“Womens can slide that part into their butts while pleasing their pussy,” Laquifa replied in a ghetto dialect.
“… Interesting,” Cheeseburger commented.
“My females don’t need any of that shit,” I proclaimed, grabbing my crotch. “I got all a woman needs right here.” Smirking, I then began to candidly interview the clerk. “Do people actually buy those things?”
“Yes, actually this is my last one.”
“Women, I mean.”
“Yes.”
“Attractive women?” I probed. “—Girls who weigh less than three hundred pounds.”
Laquifa nodded her head up and down. “Yes.”
“There’s no reason why a girl needs to jill off if she’s got a thick schlong in her life,” I pointed out.
“Honey, every girl wants one of these, whether they gots a mans or not. You should buy one for your lady and see.”
I was momentarily distracted by the sight of two pudgy-looking men walking along the far wall of the store and entering what appeared to be a back room, the door of which was encased in shadow.