IT’S ALL RELATIVE


BY ROBBY SR.



All of the studies done on the subject suggest that not only does a gay gene exist, it also runs in families. So everyone who is gay would have to wonder which of their ancestors were also gay. As it happens, I recently learned that at least one of my gay ancestors was my great-great-grandfather.

My grandfather left his house to my father, who turned it over to me. It’s located just outside Washington DC in Chevy Chase, Maryland. It’s a big, old house that was built with room to house a live-in staff of servants (My grandfather was an eminent college professor). It even has a guest house. I don’t need all that space, so I’m thinking of turning it into a bed-and-breakfast, and I’ll live in the guest house.

I was going through the tons of stuff in the attic, and ran across a “journal” or even something of an autobiography that my great-great-grandfather wrote. He wrote it long-hand a little over 50 years ago; just before he passed away. It was a tough document to read: he didn’t have an education, and, according to him, didn’t even learn to read and write until after he retired. He didn’t use anything: punctuation, chapter breaks, etc, and the booklet itself was old, with yellowed, fragile pages, so it took me a long while to read and decipher it.

I copied it and corrected his mistakes, but it wasn’t any good then. I suppose I fixed too much, and it was then no longer my great-great-grandfather talking. I went back over it again, and left it much like he wrote it word for word. I only corrected enough to make it easier for anyone to read, but left everything else alone, including the spelling! I got quite a kick out of it, so here it is…


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My name is Will, short for William, and I don’t rightly know how old I am. Alls I know for sure is I was borned sometime in the early 1870’s. I’m around 80 years old now I guess, as I write this the year is 1950, and I know I’m ‘bout to go to my reward, whatever that may be. I worked at farmin’ all my life and don’t know nuthin’ else. I retired from that ‘bout five years ago and moved here to the city so’s I can be close to my young-un and close to the doctor.

It weren’t ‘til after I moved here that I even learnt to read and write. Guess I didn’t have nuthin’ much else to do, so I found me one of them college kids willin’ to make some extra money learnin’ me. He since finished his schoolin’ and moved away. He was a good kid. I hope he does OK.

I was borned right there on the farm. Weren’t no hospitals anywhere close to us in those days anyways so everyone was borned at home, and most times without even a midwife there. We lived on a patch of land in Nebraska. I learnt later the farm and house was passed down from my grandpa to my pa, and he passed it on to me.

The house we lived in started out as a log cabin my grandpa built with his own two hands. He homesteaded and farmed the place in the 1840’s and then hitched up with a gal and had some young-uns and added on to the cabin. My pa added on some more and now it looks like a regular house ‘stead of a cabin.

We didn’t have no neighbors right when I was still a baby, but when I was able to walk and talk another family built theirselfs a house close enough to ours that we could see it. Until then you could walk anywhere outside and think you was the only people in the whole world. They had a boy ‘bout my age, name of Tom, and me and him were best friends. They almost had another baby but Tom’s ma and the baby died during the birth. That happened an awful lot in those days. Folks kept telling Tom’s pa to hurry up and find another gal to hitch up with and have some more young-uns but he never did.

Turned out Tom’s ma was the second wife his pa had. He had a brother older’n him name of Jeremy. Tom’s pa said he just didn’t want to go through loosin’ another wife so he just stopped hitchin’ up with ‘em. The reason they built a house close to ours was because Tom’s pa wanted to start out fresh. The old house had too many memories in it for him and it wasn’t standin’ too good no more anyway.

Tom and me would play while my pa and Tom’s pa and Jeremy finished up the house and built a barn. With the left over lumber they fixed up our house and barn a bit too. So after our chores was done, me and Tom would run off and play games or something’. In the summer we’d run off to the pond and strip down nekkid and go swimmin’ and maybe do a little fishin’ too.

We never did have any schoolin’. Weren’t no schools around us even if we wanted to go, but back in those days the work done on the farm was more important. It was the farmin’, not the schools, that brought in money so’s we could buy supplies and food to eat in the winter. It didn’t mean much, though. Hardly anyone had any schoolin’ so me and Tom didn’t stand out none. My ma and pa didn’t have no schoolin’ either and that was the reason I guess why even today I don’t know exactly how old I am.

The only book we had in the house was the family Bible. It was one of them unwritten rules back then. If you had a house, you had to have a family Bible. Didn’t make no difference what religion you were or even if you was religious at all – you had to have one. Ours was a big ole book and heavy too. It sure looked nice sittin’ in our front parlor but nobody knowed how to read it. Even the folks who knew how to read and write still couldn’t read the Bible anyway ‘cause it was written so funny. The only one we knew of who could read the Bible and understand what it said was the preacher. So we all just listened to him and did what he told us to do.

In the front of the Bible was a bunch of pages where you was supposed to write down who got hitched with who, and when they did, and when the young-uns was borned. All my ma could do was draw a picture that looked a little bit like a person wearin’ either trousers or a dress, and that’s how anyone knowed I was borned. But since she couldn’t read any of the words, she didn’t know if she was drawin’ my picture in the right place or not.

Me and Tom growed up together and did our chores and played. Both of us weren’t borned yet when the Civil War broke out. The grown up folks would still talk about it some but that was about it. It was fought mostly way out east by the ocean. It didn’t really come to Nebraska so it didn’t mean nuthin’ to us.

Once a month or so we’d all hitch up the horses to the wagons and spend a day ridin’ into town. It took most all day to make the trip so we always left on a Friday morning’.

We stayed Friday night at Tom’s brother’s house. Now Jeremy had hisself a whole mess of schoolin’. When he was done he was a fancy lawyer and had a office right there in town with a big ole sign hangin’ with his name on it and everything. We was all real proud of him.

On Saturday mornin’ we’d go in to town and lay up supplies for the month. Me and Tom would run around town lookin’ for places to play and some other boys to play with. If there was enough money left over after payin’ for the supplies we’d get ourselfs some rock candy and sit on the porch of either the general store or Jeremy’s office and suck on the candy and watch folks goin’ by.

On Sunday we’d dress up in our finest and go to church. Me and Tom weren’t comfortable at all in the clean trousers and shirt, and we couldn’t play in ‘em, and only the Good Lord Hisself could help us if we got those clothes dirty. So we couldn’t wait to get out of ‘em and back in our regular clothes. After service was over the grown up folks would stand around visitin’ and me and Tom would run back to his brother’s house. We’d laugh and have a race to see who could get out of the nice clothes the fastest. We’d get ourselfs completely nekkid and laugh at each other and see how much our peckers was growin’. After the grown up folks were done visitin’ and gossipin’ we’d start the trip back home.

Now in those days we didn’t go to church every Sunday ‘cause it was too far away. If we tried to make the trip every weekend we wouldn’t get the work done on the farm. So the preacher never made it a problem for us that we only went once a month. But there was a rule in the town. It wasn’t writ down anywhere, but the rule was: if you was in town on Sunday, you was in church. Didn’t matter if you wanted to or not, or if you believed or not – you went. When you was in town everybody else knowed it, so if you didn’t show up in church the sheriff would come lookin’ for ya.

Even when I was a boy, I understood the power a preacher had. You could break the law and get away with it, and you could sass your folks and get away with it, but if you ever dared go against what the preacher said you were made to wish you could die right there if you was a boy, or if you was a grown-up you could be run right out of town.

Now and again Tom and his pa would go back into town. They would just ride their horses ‘stead of hookin’ up a wagon so they got there a lot quicker. Sometimes Tom’s pa would come home by hisself and go back again a couple days later, and then come home with Tom. Tom stayed with his brother on those days.

Tom was a year or two older’n me we figured. One day when we was swimmin’ I saw he was growin’ some hair around his pecker and asked him how he got it.

“Cause I’m growin’ up, stupid!” he said.

“I ain’t stupid!” I yelled at him. I hate it when someone calls me stupid.

“Then how’s it you don’t know nuthin’?”

I thought about it a second, “Well it ain’t ‘cause I’m stupid!” I got mad and walked out of the water and started pullin’ on my overalls.

“Aww, don’t do that!” Tom whined. “I was jess talkin’. You ain’t stupid.”

I took my overalls back off and walked back in the water. I kept my eyes on Tom’s pecker and the hair.

“I’m growin’ hair just ‘cause I’m older’n you,” he told me. “You’ll grow some hair too in another year or so.”

He said he’d been talkin’ to his brother Jeremy, so I figured he knowed what he was talkin’ about, what with all the schoolin’ Jeremy had. I walked up right next to Tom and leaned over a bit to look at his hair up close. Whilst I was lookin‘, Tom’s pecker started to get longer. I looked up at him. He was lookin’ down at me an’ smilin’ real big.

“What’cha doin?” I asked him.

“It’s gettin’ big an’ stiff,” he told me. He grabbed his pecker and started movin’ his hand up and down it. It got bigger and real stiff and was standin’ up all by itself. I didn’t know why, but I could feel mine gettin’ bigger too. It’d done that before and I thought maybe somethin’ was goin’ wrong with it but I was too scared to ask my pa or anybody about it.

Tom smiled at me some more and was rubbin’ his hand up and down his pecker faster. I scrunched up my face. “What’cha doin’ that fer?”

“Cause it feels good!” Tom said. He was breathing funny now. Faster. He let his head fall back for a second and then looked at my pecker. I looked down and my pecker was standin’ up by itself too. It wasn’t as big as Tom’s but I figured that was just ‘cause I was younger.

Tom smiled at me and didn’t say nuthin’ but just reached out and grabbed my pecker and started rubbin’ it up and down like he was doin’ to his. He was right, it did feel good. Felt kinda naughty too, but it felt good so I just stood there in the water and let him rub it.

Tom grabbed my hand and wrapped it around his pecker and made me rub his like he was rubbin’ mine. I moved my hand up and down it like he was doin’ to mine. After a minute Tom put his other arm around my shoulders and we walked up to the bank. Tom laid down in the grass and held his pecker up.

“Come on,” he said.

“Come on an’ what?” I asked. I had no idea what he was talkin’ about.

“Put it in your mouth and suck on it!” He said it like I should have known what he was talkin’ about.

“Put it in my mouth?” I asked. “What fer?”

He rolled his eyes and looked like he was gonna call me stupid again. I gave him a dirty look and turned my back on him.

“Aww stop actin’ like that!” he said. “I’m tryin’ to help ya if you’d jess lissen to me!”

I turned back around to look at him. “Well you don’t gotta keep on actin’ like you’re better’n me! You might be smarter’n me but not much! You sure ain’t better though.” I stood up to start gettin’ dressed again. I was a little mad at him but it was gettin’ close to time to start my evenin’ chores anyways. He got up on his knees and reached out to me to stop me.

“Wait! I didn’t mean nuthin’! Here – I’ll show ya what I mean.” My pecker had got little again when I got mad at him. He took hold of it again and rubbed it some and it did feel good so I stood still and let him ‘til it got big again. He was on his knees in front of me, and he didn’t slow down or nuthin’ but just opened his mouth and stuck my pecker in it and sucked on it. It felt so good I almost fell over.

I didn’t really fall but I did wind up layin’ on the grass. Tom laid down too and I spread my legs and Tom kept right on suckin’ on my pecker. I felt like I was ‘bout to pee right in his mouth but it felt different. I started hollerin’ anyway that I was ‘bout to pee but Tom didn’t pay no attention to me and kept right on suckin’ on my pecker. I was sure I was gonna pee in his mouth but figured I’d warned him and all, and if he didn’t wanna lissen to me then that was his fault. So I laid back and just let it happen.

I didn’t pee of course, fact is, nuthin’ came out at all, but that day I didn’t know nuthin’ other’n it felt better’n anything I ever felt before. Tom told me it was called ‘cummin,’ whatever that was. I didn’t care what it was called. It felt so good I thanked him. Then he told me I’d have to do it to him too.

I didn’t care. He just rolled over on his back and I laid between his legs like he did mine and took his pecker in my hand again. It was right up in my face and I was a little nervous about it. I ain’t never done nuthin’ like this before and wasn’t sure if it was right or not. But I figured Tom made me feel so good that I owed him. So I stuck my tongue out and licked his pecker real quick, and found out it wasn’t gonna bite me or nuthin’ so I stuck it in my mouth.

It tasted kinda funny, but not bad. The skin moved back and forth and Tom reached down and peeled it back so the end of it stuck out. Then I could suck on it like he did mine and Tom started moanin’ and tellin’ me it felt good and to keep on suckin’ on it, so I did.

After a minute or two, I decided it felt good suckin’, so I started suckin’ harder and faster like he’d done to me. I kept lookin’ up at Tom and he had his head back on the grass and was breathin’ harder and moanin’ a little.

When he started buckin’ his hips and put his hands on my head so I couldn’t let his pecker outta my mouth I knew he was feelin’ just like I did. I figured he wasn’t gonna pee in my mouth so I kept on suckin’, and he hollered out a bit, and I almost throwed up when I felt a little bit of his pee in my mouth.