Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Here I was again, called to the principal’s office for the second day in a row. The only difference is that this time I was already naked. I had to put on clothes for the trip home from school, but I stripped down again as soon as I got home. This actually wasn’t that unusual, my family tends to stay naked a lot, which I suspect is part of the reason mom thought I would be a good candidate for the program.

I entered the room, which already contained my mother, Dr. Martin, Ms. Lease, and Reverend Tucker, the school chaplain. Dr. Martin addressed me.

“Hunter, have you seen the morning news?”

“No sir.”

“Very well then.” Dr. Martin turned on a TV mounted from the ceiling. There was Reverend Vernon Neale, standing next to a boy I recognized from yesterday’s English class and a man who I didn’t recognize, but seemed vaguely familiar. Reverend Neale was ranting about his son being suspended for “refusing to allow a homosexual student to sodomize him.”

“That’s not what happened at all!” Ms. Lease objected.

“It gets better.” My mom replied.

The camera cut to a news anchor, who informed us that Reverend Neale was pulling his son out of St. Mary’s and establishing the Neale Christian Academy on the campus of his church. He was also calling on the man next to him, who turned out to be Representative Nathan Johnson, to hold Congressional hearings on “this disgusting program of sexual indoctrination.”

Dr. Martin turned off the TV. “I’ve already had three parents tell me they’re pulling their kids out of school, and no doubt there would be more if Reverend Neale hadn’t set his tuition at twice ours. We need a plan to deal with this.”

“Perhaps I can help,” offered Reverend Tucker, I was planning to address The Program in this week’s sermon. If we arranged to televise the chapel service, it would give us a chance to put our case forward.”

“There’s one slight problem with that,” I said, “I signed up to do a reading.”

“Which passage?” asked Reverend Tucker.

“Genesis 3: 1-13”

“You’re going to be reading the 10 Commandments Naked?” Dr. Martin interrupted “what good would that do”

“Actually,” Reverend Tucker responded, “that passage tells the story of Adam and Eve eating the Forbidden Fruit. Reverend Neale will likely use it to justify his opposition to public nudity, particularly verse 10: ‘I heard the sound of you in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked, and I hid myself.’ It would be useful if we had an opportunity to present my reading of the text, and it would be especially useful if we could present the public with a student who is not afraid of his nakedness.”

Dr. Martin thought for a second. “That being said, not many reputable news networks want to air footage of a naked 14 year old, and even fewer want to air a 20 minute sermon unedited.”

I had another idea.