Heart and Soul – part 2

Chapter Six – Coalescence

BRRING BRRING BRRING!!

The telephone jarred Mike awake. He reached for the receiver, and answered with a half awake ‘hullo?’

‘Hey man – did you forget? You were going to give me a call after 6, remember? It’s almost 8 – I was worried about you!’ It was Chen, sounding genuinely concerned.

‘Hey – I’m – well I – well, I got home and was really tired – crashed to bed, and guess I’ve been here ever since – sorry’ Mike sleepily responded.

‘Well – are you awake enough to talk, or do you want to call me back later in the week?’ said Chen.

‘Let me give you a call – say – Tuesday evening – OK??’ Mike said, still sleepily slurring his words.

‘You sure you’re OK? You sound like you’re drunk or something – ‘ inquired Chen.

‘No – no – I’m fine – I just didn’t realize how tired I was – I’ll be fine’ – Mike was slowly becoming more alert.

‘OK – well if you say you’re good, I’ll say good night – and wait to hear from you Tuesday – OK??’ said Chen.

‘I had a really great time with you this weekend – a really great time’ said Mike. Chen replied ‘me too man – me too – take care of yourself, OK?’ Mike said ‘I will – talk Tuesday’ – and hung up the phone.

Mike got up – he’d slept almost 12 hours since he got home – it was dark outside, he was fully rested – and had to go to work the next day. There was no way he was going to get back to sleep now. He realized he was hungry – he half walked, half stumbled into the kitchen – grabbed a bowl, his favorite cereal, doused it with milk, grabbed a spoon, and headed for the sofa.

As he was sitting on the sofa, legs crossed beneath him, thoughts began to coalesce in his mind. First, he suddenly realized that he wasn’t tense right now – for the first time in a long time, he was sitting by himself, just himself – and he wasn’t tense – that was new. Ever since he’d moved away from home for his job, he’d been very uncomfortable being alone in his apartment – the silence was deafening if he didn’t have either the TV or stereo on, and invariably he’d get nervous enough that he’d drive over to the local mall to walk around, just to hear other people – and drown out the screaming emptiness within.

As he finished his cereal, he noticed that he felt somewhat invigorated – crap, what do I do with this energy at this hour of the night, he thought. He went back to his bedroom, put his clothes back on, and went outside.

It was a cool, clear night – no breeze, nice air temperature – and the stars were out. There was a park nearby, so Mike walked into the small park, found a bench, and sat down – it felt good – still, quiet, cool – odd, he thought – he normally didn’t like parks – but something inside said ‘stay – listen’ – he sat quietly, looking around – hearing the birds, the insects – he looked at the stars – and just gazed. He looked through the tree branches, and his focus narrowed – narrowed down to a small group of stars, so bright they almost appeared three dimensional against the velvety black background – as he gazed, a deep peace settled in – he rearranged himself so he could lean his head on the bench back, and just gaze at the star group without having to hold his head in position – deeper and deeper into the stellar calm he drifted as the stars, in their eternal blackness, flooded him with their calm, steady brilliance – he wondered if somehow, God had called him out here to look up and see these stars – and get something from them – connect with them – connect with Him – he wondered –

‘Sir – Sir – SIR!’

Mike jolted awake, and nearly fell off the bench. It was cold – he was cold – and there were two cops standing behind the bench.

‘Sir – you really shouldn’t be here this late – do you live around here?’ one of the officers asked as Mike tried to compose himself.

‘Yeah – yeah – just a few blocks away – guess I drifted off watching the stars’ said Mike – ‘by the way – what time is it anyhow?’

‘It’s about 1 AM sir’ said the other officer. ‘Would you like us to take you home?’

‘No – no – I’ll be fine – I live just over there in those apartments’ Mike pointed to his apartment building – ‘I’ll walk’

‘Suit yourself – but we’ll follow along just to make sure you get there, OK?’ said the first officer.

Mike started to walk home – he was chilled, and stiff, and his nose was stuffed up – guess the night air got to me, he thought as he walked. He put his hands in his pockets to get them warm – and felt Chen’s key in his right pocket. He hurried his pace to get his circulation moving, and got to his apartment. The officers in their patrol car watched as he opened his door, and he waved to them to signal he was OK – they drove off, and he went inside and closed the door.

Once inside, he pulled Chen’s key out of his pocket. He handled it like it was a precious jewel – slowly turning it over and over in his hands, puzzling over why someone who had known him for less than 48 hours had entrusted him with a key to their house – as he stood there puzzling over the key, he realized something – somehow, in his sitting out under the stars, the question of why he was feeling what he was feeling because of meeting Chen had completely dispersed – in its place, just a sense of ‘follow and see what comes next’ had taken its place – along with a great sense of calm and relief – as though some unseen force had opened a door, and beyond the door was a path – the path for him. He closed his eyes, clutched the key in his hands, and felt something amazing – comfort – he felt comfort. He went to his bedroom, undressed, got into bed, put Chen’s key on the night stand where he could see it – and drifted off into a deep slumber – the sleep of feeling his soul finally at peace.

Chapter Seven – The Dam Breaks

Mike sat on one of the bar stools around the island in the kitchen, sipping at a beer. Chen was in the bathroom, getting a quick shower before they went out for their now customary Friday night dinner. Mike and Chen had been seeing each other on an ever increasing basis for the past months – first at car events with dinners after, spending the night together at Chen’s house and part of the following day – then Friday night dinners, movies, or just sitting together at Chen’s house watching TV, sitting on the porch enjoying a drink and the night air, always winding up sleeping together – but no sex. Chen had made hints in that direction – playfully walking up behind Mike, playing with his nipples through his shirt, thrusting his groin into Mike’s backside, nibbling on his earlobe – always smiling and laughing while doing things – but never pressing, and understanding when Mike would quietly say ‘not yet – just – not yet, ok?’

Mike heard the shower turn off, and listened for the sounds of Chen going through his closet to find something to wear. His mind was racing – on the way over here tonight, he’d started having thoughts – strong, insistent thoughts – and images – images of him, old, alone – and alongside that, images of Chen – his gorgeous face, amazing eyes – smiling at him – just fading away, leaving the image of him – alone. In his heart, he felt things when he was with Chen he’d never felt with another human – ever – powerful, amazing, feelings – feelings of wanting to open up totally, and let Chen completely enter him, body and soul – become one with him – but he was scared – so deeply scared – he’d been so terribly hurt by others he thought he loved and trusted – and fear had built some very strong walls inside Mike.

‘Penny for your thoughts’ – Mike whirled around to look at the entry to the kitchen from the hallway – there stood Chen, smiling as always, arms folded across his chest – totally naked, leaning against the door frame, towel around his neck. His body glistened like a wet marble statue – perfect muscle definition, jet black hair shining in the light, and those perfect almond shaped eyes – sparkling, dancing, so full of life – Mike scanned down Chen’s body – just as he’d seen it before, only more beautiful in the warm kitchen light, with small droplets of water all over him, like dew on the perfect flower in the morning – perfectly muscled chest, abdomen, nice inguinal V pointing to his wet, shining black pubic hair perched above a well formed, uncut, darker colored penis and large, hairless scrotum – low hanging from the warm shower water – clearly outlining two egg sized testicles suspended within – as Chen stood there, his scrotum was starting to contract, and its movements were clearly visible – the testicles within moving and rolling about as it pulled back up, the wrinkles in its surface rippling and moving – causing Chen’s penis to start to lift as his scrotum pulled itself up tighter beneath it.