42
Not long afterwards I arrived home, tear-stained and exhausted. I’d had to stop a couple of blocks away to compose myself enough to stop Mum or Dad asking any awkward questions, and cast a passable Cheering Charm on myself, but I was still less than my usual sparkling self when I pulled into the driveway. And seeing the Potters’ owl waiting for me on the front steps, a note in Sirius’ handwriting attached to its leg, didn’t help.

“Is that you, Laura?” Mum called out as I let myself inside.

“Yeah, it’s me,” I said, hoping to be able to disappear upstairs before she saw me.

“You’re home early,” she said, poking her head around the corner and seeing my face. “Oh, Laura, what’s wrong?”

If you’ve ever had someone ask you that question when you’re trying to hold everything in, you’ll know that it causes you to break down completely. In this case I just dropped my bag and burst into tears, and she rushed over to give me a hug.

“Careful,” came Dad’s voice. “We should make sure it’s actually her.”

“It’s her,” Mum said reproachfully over my shoulder as I cried into her. “You think I don’t know my own daughter? And she’d never be able to answer any questions when she’s in this state, anyway.”

Dad conceded defeat, and once I’d calmed down a little Mum managed to coax a little bit of information out of me.

“I was made a fool of,” I explained, hiccoughing uncomfortably. “I trusted someone I shouldn’t have and it backfired.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” she asked.

Definitely not, I thought. Instead I just shook my head.

“That’s fine,” she said, “whenever you’re ready. There’s a letter here for you, too,” she went on. “Is that anything to do with it?”

I shook my head again – it was easier to lie when I wasn’t talking. “I’d better go upstairs and answer it.”

Or, I thought, I’ll go upstairs, burst into tears again, and then send the letter back unopened. I knew that I didn’t want to know what he had to say, it was too soon and too painful. To think you believed him, a voice inside my head chastised me. You should have known it was too good to be true.

I gestured to the owl to follow me upstairs. Once in my room with the door shut, I pulled off my new bracelet and daffodil clasp, wrapped them in a bit of parchment and tied them to the owl’s other leg. “Take this and the letter back again,” I told it. “And don’t bother coming back, I don’t want an answer.” Whether it understood me I had no idea, but once I opened my window it flew off anyway, probably back to James’ house.

The next week was torture. I’d written to Mary to explain what had happened, and while she was sympathetic she had her own new relationship that was occupying her attention, and I didn’t want to depress her with my problems. Charlotte would probably have understood, but while we were much closer than we had been, we still weren’t really close enough for me to pour my heart out in a letter to her. And Sirius, well …

He hadn’t even tried to follow me.

This fact tore at me more than anything else. I’d kept an eye on my rear vision mirror as I drove away from James’ house, hoping against hope that he would try to coax me back, that the black motorbike would appear from nowhere and try to make me stop. But all I’d seen was a dog, probably a stray, which seemed to like the challenge of chasing the one car on the roads that early on New Year’s Day. Eventually, as I neared the motorway, even that had given up, its large black shape slowly disappearing behind me as I drove north.

Shows how much you really meant to him, that annoying voice in the back of my mind kept pointing out. If he’d really cared, he would have tried to stop you from leaving. He would have tried to get you to come back. And I knew that was true, because that was what I would have done if the tables were turned. I would have tried anything I could think of to get him to change his mind. But all he did was write a short note – I knew it was short due to the size of the parchment attached to the Potters’ owl’s leg – and leave it at that.

Right, so perhaps that wasn’t fair. There had probably been a dozen letters in the week between the party and school going back, but I hadn’t read any of them; they’d all been sent back, unopened. Cerridwyn was probably sick of the journeys to Somerset and London by now, but whatever he had to say could wait. I probably couldn’t have read his letters, anyway – my tears would have bled the ink across the page before I could have gotten through it. The trouble was that it had all felt so real – more real than anything else in my life – and I was having difficulty coming to terms with the fact that it wasn’t.

My parents, of course, realised something was wrong, but they weren’t very successful in getting any answers out of me, even with Mum at her police-officer best.

“Laura, is this about a boy?” she asked gently one night when she came into my room. “Is that why you’re not talking about it?”

“I’m not allowed to have boyfriends this year,” I said automatically, not looking at her. “I know the rules.”

“Something happened at that party,” Mum said, ignoring my answer. “You were unusually happy before it, and you’re unusually upset now, and all you’ve said is that you trusted someone you shouldn’t have. It looks to me like a broken heart.”

Well, that was uncomfortably accurate. When did she get so perceptive? “I’m fine,” I said stiffly. “I’ll be fine. I’d just rather be alone.”

“Hmm,” she said doubtfully. “I’ll bring a cup of tea up then, shall I?”

“Fine,” I agreed. “Now I need to get this homework done.” I looked pointedly at her and she left the room, closing the door gently behind her.

****

“Laura, can I have a word please?”

I looked up with dread as the train compartment door opened, but it wasn’t Sirius. It was, however, Remus, and I wasn’t sure how prepared I was for this conversation.

“Yeah, all right,” I heard myself saying. Might as well get it over with. Getting out of my seat and following him, I found myself in the roomy bit at the end of the carriage. “What is it?” I asked, trying to summon enough energy to sound interested.

“Padfoot,” he said seriously. “Look, Laura, what happened? All we know is that you left in a huff, and he hasn’t said anything except that he was a stupid idiot for letting you jump to conclusions, and you dumped him.”

“Like he cares,” I said bitterly. “He made it clear that it wasn’t that important to him, anyway.”

“You’re kidding,” Remus said.

“I’m not,” I said. “Like I said, he made it clear.”

“He can’t have,” he protested. “I know Sirius, and there’s no way known he would have done that. And he’s downright depressed at the moment, he’s taking it really badly.”

“Right,” I said. “Whatever. All I know is that I was a fool to believe him and I’m better off how I was before.” And I turned away from him and went back to my compartment, pulling the blinds down as I got inside.

“What did he want?” Charlotte asked. She looked a little strained, and I realised that Remus talking to me like that wouldn’t have been easy for her. I certainly wouldn’t have been comfortable if Sirius had stuck his nose in looking for a word with her.

“To talk about Sirius,” I said shortly. “Which should explain why it was a very short conversation.”

I was sitting with Charlotte and Martha, Lily being busy with Head Girl duties and James, and Mary spending her time with Sebastian. I didn’t blame her for that – if Sirius and I were still together, I would have done the same thing, and the last thing she needed was me dragging her down with my tales of woe – and the other girls were perfectly happy to hold my hand for the duration of the train journey.

Martha kept trying to cheer us up by badmouthing both Sirius and Remus, trying to get us to say how awful they were (and in the process let off some steam), but she was met with a stony silence on both sides. I was heartbroken, yes, but I couldn’t bring myself to speak badly of him to other people, not even my fellow exes. Instead, we concentrated on the food we’d bought from the trolley witch, the passing landscape, and homework – just about anything that wasn’t male.

I couldn’t escape the gossip, though. Because Sirius and I had appeared separately on the platform, had occupied different carriages, and didn’t speak on arrival, it was impossible to ignore the whispers. “I knew it wouldn’t last” … “The amortentia wore off, did it?” … “I see he came to his senses …”

“Ignore them,” Charlotte said steadily as she helped me to the Gryffindor table at supper that night, sounding uncomfortably like Sirius had done before the holidays. “It’ll stop soon enough.”

“Whatever,” I said dully. I was having difficulty putting any effort into anything at all, and seeing Sirius at the same table didn’t help. He looked hopefully at me as I sat down, as though I might have been willing to hear him out, but I wasn’t ready to face him yet and turned away, and he moved onto ignoring me after that. He looked a little different – paler than usual, perhaps, with a bit of a closed look to his face – but he was still Sirius and having him there at all tore at my heart. I didn’t like the constant reminder of what I’d lost.

I barely ate that night. In fact, I barely ate all week. Lily cast a few Cheering Charms on me but even those didn’t have the desired effect, instead wearing off after quarter of an hour or so, though that may have had something to do with the fact that I still wasn’t sure how much I trusted her. In any case, just getting to classes at all was a huge effort and I struggled to get my homework done, something which didn’t go down very well with Professor Flitwick.

“Not at all to your usual standard, Miss Cauldwell,” he said as he handed back a particularly bad Charms essay. “You seem to be losing your flair.”

“Yes, Professor,” I said automatically. “I’m sure it will come back eventually.”

“For your sake, I hope it’s before final exams,” he said kindly, and moved on to the next student. I realised dully that Dad had been right after all – distractions during NEWTs were a bad idea. Boyfriends especially.

As Flitwick left I turned to look at Sirius, hoping that he didn’t realise he was the reason for everything, but from the look on his face I wasn’t convinced he was taking anything in at all. His head was turned towards me, but he looked so blank that for a split second I considered waving a hand in front of his face to see if there would be any reaction. At least, I realised, he wasn’t getting any satisfaction from my despair. In that one sense, I was probably one up on Dione Turpin.

Martha wasn’t really helping, either, though she probably didn’t know she was doing it. In her case, it was more a matter of not thinking.

“What’s wrong with Sirius?” she asked as she came into the dorm one night, joining Lily and me in the room. Mary was out with Sebastian somewhere, and Charlotte was finishing off some Divination homework.

Lily glared at her and put a finger to her lips, pointing at me. “You know that, Martha.”

“Oh.” Martha shrugged as she flung her bag onto her bed. “Really, though? He’s like this over a break-up?”

“He’s like this over this break-up,” Lily said quietly, clearly trying to wordlessly get Martha to understand that, with me there, the dorm wasn’t the place to be discussing this.

“It’s all right,” I muttered. “You can talk about it. I have to get used to it anyway.”

“I must say I’m amazed,” Martha went on. “I thought he must’ve been disinherited again or something, he’s really clammed up like he did in fifth year when he left home.”

Her words made me realise that I hadn’t heard him talking that term at all. He’d come towards me on the train platform as though he wanted to say something, but I’d turned my back on him and concentrated on talking to Mum and Dad, and he’d backed off, and then there was the attempt at contact on the first night at supper. And that was it. I hadn’t noticed any interactions with anyone else at all, not even James. As the week wore on he’d even stopped looking after himself – more often than not hair not combed, face unshaven, robes dirty or haphazardly thrown on. It was like he had shut himself down, like he just didn’t care any more.

“Well, he’s upset,” Lily said.

“Hmmm.” Martha looked at me. “How long were you together again?”

“About a fortnight,” I said. “Two weeks on, two weeks off, so to speak.” Together for a fortnight, broken up for a fortnight. And it still hurt like nothing else. I hated that he had this strong a hold on me, it just showed how stupid I’d been for getting that attached to him in the first place.

“Right.” Martha looked thoughtful before turning to Lily again. “You know, Lils, I think you might have been right. He did fall for someone.” She shook her head. “Too bad for him that it didn’t work out, hey?”

“He’ll get over it,” I said bitterly. “It’s all an act. He didn’t really care, not that much. He made that perfectly clear.”

“Are you sure about that?” Lily asked gently. “Are you sure that this whole thing isn’t just one big misunderstanding?”

“Oh yes, Lily,” I shot back icily. “I’m sure. You can depend on that.”

****

My week improved a little on Friday when Bernie Carmichael approached me after Ancient Runes. “Um, Laura, can I have a word please?” he asked.

“What?” I was so immersed in my own little world that I’d forgotten that other people even existed. “Oh, yeah. Sure.”

He cleared his throat uncomfortably. “Look, by all means tell me if I’m being too forward here, but I noticed that you and Black seem to have broken up.”

“Big call, that one,” I said dully. “Yeah, we did.”

“So,” he said a little hesitantly, “I just wondered if, when you’re a bit more over it all, whether you might consider, uh, me?”

I stopped dead. “You’re asking me out?”

He looked nervously at me. “Well, yeah, if that’s okay. But only when you’re ready,” he added quickly, as though I’d looked like I was about to curse him. (And quite possibly I did. I felt like cursing people all the time that week. It was nothing personal against Bernie.)

I considered his offer. He was nice enough, as I’d noted before the Yule Ball when I’d ditched him so unceremoniously. I felt horrible about that now – if I’d known how the thing with Sirius would end up, I would never have done that in the first place. This was my chance to make it up to him, and it would be a relief to think about someone else for a change.

“Thanks, Bernie,” I said with a smile that I didn’t even have to fake. “I’d like that.”

He beamed at me. “That’s great,” he said enthusiastically. “Maybe we could start sitting together in Runes, you know, just get to know each other a bit better. What do you think?”

“Sounds great,” I said, even finding a little enthusiasm. That would mean I didn’t have to sit with Remus – it was like killing two birds with one curse.

Remus, however, seemed to have other ideas. “I heard you and Bernie,” he said quietly as we made our way along the Gryffindor table for lunch. “Look, Laura, I might be completely out of line here, but I think that you and Sirius should try to work things out before you start thinking about seeing other people. You’re both miserable and, frankly, you’re pining for each other.”

I turned to him angrily. “And what would you know, Remus?” I spat. “How do you know what I’m feeling? It’s my life and if I want to go out with Bernie Carmichael, I’ll bloody well do it.”

“Well, make sure you’re doing it for the right reasons, then,” he said coolly, not blanching from my attack on him. “If it’s just to get back at Padfoot, or to try to get over him, then that’s not really fair on Bernie. Just keep that in mind.”

“Right, I’ll do that,” I said. “Now, if you’ve finished sticking your nose in other people’s business, I’d like to have some lunch.”

Or rather, I thought, I’d like to sit alone at the Gryffindor table, ignoring everyone around me and nibbling at a piece of bread. Because that was all I did at mealtimes these days. My appetite still hadn’t come back – in fact, the dinner at the Potters’ on New Years Eve was probably the last time I’d eaten properly. Mary had stolen into the kitchens a couple of times to try to tempt me with chocolate, but even that wasn’t working. At this rate, I’d waste away to nothing before my birthday.

After lunch it was Lily’s turn to try to talk me around. “I heard you’re thinking of going out with Bernie Carmichael,” she said as we headed up the stairs towards Gryffindor Tower.

“Remus been telling stories, has he,” I said bitterly. “Nice of him.”

She grabbed my arm firmly. “Laura, please talk to Sirius first,” she urged. “This is killing both of you. I’m sure if you just talked it over you could work things out.”

“Really,” I said. “Well, you think that if it makes you happy.”

“Now you’re sounding like him,” she said. “Look, Laura, he’s really suffering. James thinks he’s coping with this worse than he did when he had to leave home, he’s never seen him this down.”

“So you just want him to get over it, is that it?” I asked angrily. “More concerned about him than you are about me. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” she snapped. “I’m just as worried about you. I was just about to say that you’re not doing any better: don’t think we haven’t heard you crying yourself to sleep every night, those Muffliatos you’ve been doing haven’t worked. And no one’s been able to get a coherent sentence out of you all week – not one that’s not bitter and, well, venomous.”

“Oh, so you just want me to be better company?” I snapped, trying to keep the bitterness from my voice in deference to her last remark.

“You’re being ridiculous again,” she said. “I saw how happy you were. Both of you. No one could fake what you two had. I was so happy for both of you, and now, for heaven only knows what reason, you’re both miserable.” She paused. “And, well, I know this is selfish of me, but I want James back.”

“I bet you do,” I muttered cynically. “It’s all about you, isn’t it?” Then I realised what she’d actually said. “What do you mean, you want James back?”

Lily sighed. “Ever since you left on New Years Day, James has been concentrating on Sirius, trying to get him either over this, or back with you. I’m lucky if I get a fifth of his time these days, it’s all Sirius. And, to be honest, I miss him. I love that he’s the sort of person who does this for his friends, but I want it back how it was.” She sighed again. “I know it’s selfish, but please, if you won’t do it for your own sake or for his, do it for me? Just talk to Sirius? Please?”

“Why should I do it for you?” I asked. “You’re obviously on Sirius’ side, not mine. Why do I owe you anything?”

“I’m not on anyone’s side,” she said impatiently. “I don’t think it’s a matter of sides, Laura. I think that once you sit down and talk it over, you’ll make up.”

“Yeah, whatever,” I said tonelessly, though I wasn’t so bitter any more. To be honest, I hadn’t considered how this might be affecting Lily and James’ relationship, and I was feeling somewhat guilty for driving them apart like that. No matter what I thought of Lily just then, I didn’t want to break them up.

“You will, I’m sure of it,” she said, steering me into an empty classroom on the fifth floor and sitting me at a dusty table. “I haven’t had a chance to mention this before, but I think you should know what Mrs Potter said over the holidays. It might help sway your decision.”

I looked at her, surprised, as she perched on a nearby chair. “Mrs Potter? What’s she got to do with anything?”

“She was trying to get me to dish the dirt on you,” Lily said smugly.

I stared at her. “She what?”

“You heard,” she said. “She wanted information, and she decided I was the one to give it. You should have heard her talking about you,” she went on. “She was amazed at Sirius’ behaviour. Apparently Clio went to last year’s party and he hardly spoke to her, and so if you compare that to this year …” Her voice trailed off.

“I don’t know,” I said. “James would say he hardly spoke to me this year. Well, until the morning, he didn’t.”

She giggled. “You know that’s not what I meant!”

“What was she saying?” I couldn’t help myself. Mrs Potter was the closest thing Sirius had to a mother, at least one who cared about him, and even if it hadn’t worked out between us I wanted to know what she’d thought.

Lily smiled mischievously, clearly relieved that I was willing to hear her out. “Well, Mrs Potter’s a sly one, I’m discovering,” she began. “She’s got this great façade of being the friendly motherly type, but she’s pretty shrewd underneath. She tried to trick me into saying bad things about you.”

I was stunned. “Really?”

She nodded. “I don’t think she really thought there was anything bad to say, but if there was she wanted to get it out of me. I think she wanted to make sure you were good enough for Sirius. Now,” she went on, “I don’t know if this is her usual behaviour or not. She might have tried to get dirt on Clio last year, or she might not have. To be honest, I got the feeling she didn’t. I think this was prompted by the way he was around you.”

“Right.” I paused, distracted enough from my problems to think about this. What could possibly have come out?

“Anyway,” Lily went on, “she just started out with, ‘tell me about Laura’. Nothing about you and Sirius, just about you. So I told her that we’d shared a dorm for seven years and you came from a half Muggle half wizarding household, that sort of background stuff. Born in Wales, lives in Bristol, big Quidditch nut, you know the type of thing. And I told her that for a long time I didn’t really know you that well, but in the past couple of years you’d really blossomed. And I said you were really smart and a lot of fun to be around.”

She paused and I took the opportunity to interrupt. “Thanks, Lily.”

“No problem,” she smiled. “Of course, that was before you and Sirius broke up, so you were fun to be around then. Anyway, Mrs Potter then started asking about previous boyfriends, really subtly though. I think she was trying to get a feel for how you were going to treat Sirius. Like I said, this was before the fight, obviously. Anyway, I told her about Bertram and what he’d done, and I said that you were really hurt by it but you showed a lot of strength and dignity in dealing with it.” She paused when I snorted in disbelief.

“You call bawling my eyes out after I found out, dignity?”

She laughed. “Of course not, but that was in private. In public you were very dignified. Even James thought so.”

That surprised me. “Really?”

“Yep,” she nodded. “And if James thought that, then Sirius probably did too. Anyway, I told her you had a heart of gold and wouldn’t hurt anyone without a really good reason.” She paused. “Look, Laura, I don’t really know what happened with Sirius, and I’m sure you think you were justified. But I do know that you haven’t heard his side of whatever it is, so just maybe there are things in the background that you don’t know about. This is why I want you to talk to him – at least hear him out.”

“Right,” I said stiffly, unhappy at being returned to a reality where Sirius and I would never work out. “But you’ve changed the subject. Are you done with the Mrs Potter thing?”

Lily clearly saw that she was stepping very close to the mark and backed off. “Right. Mrs Potter. Like I said, you only hurt people if you really think they deserve it. So then she asked about things you’d done to people you thought did deserve it.”

“I can see why you’re calling her sly,” I admitted, my mind going back over everything I’d done to people over the years and wondering what Mrs Potter had thought about it.

She smiled broadly and nodded. “Yep. Anyway I said that it was mostly pretty harmless stuff, and mostly things your sister had taught you. I loved that one where you joined Gibbon’s knees together, by the way – that was a scream.” She paused, still grinning. “I think you passed, though,” she said. “I told her that I thought you and Sirius were a perfect match.” She paused significantly. “And I still think that, no matter what you think at the moment,” she said pointedly. “You just need to give it a chance.”

“Right,” I said again. “You just go on thinking that.”

She made a face. “You’re sounding like him again,” she said. “And you’re still thinking about him, too, aren’t you?”

“Does it matter?” I asked bitterly.

“It might,” she said. I just looked at her. “Right, back to Mrs Potter,” she said quickly. “I was there on Boxing Day, as you know,” she went on, “and she’d heard your name a lot by then even so that was why she was so curious about you. You should have seen Sirius’ face when he was talking about you, it was a bit like a prior warning of how he was going to behave once you did arrive. ’Cause you’d seen each other just before Christmas, right?”

I nodded, trying not to remember how wonderful that day had been. “Two days before, on the Friday.”

She smiled. “Yes, that was it. Anyway, when I was talking to her on New Years Eve she said, ‘I’ve never seen him like this. He hasn’t let go of her since she got here’, or something like that. Which was true, it was like he was scared you were going to get away. Or that you were a dream and if he let go you’d disappear. So I explained that he’d been crazy about you for months so of course he’d look like all his Christmases had come at once. And then I said that you were just as crazy about him. She seemed happy with that.”

I sat in silence for a little while, trying to take it all in. “So, what happened after I left?” I asked.

“The whole place was in uproar,” she said quietly. “Sirius was running off down the lane trying to catch up with the car, and when that didn’t work he came back and wrote to you to try to get you to come back. And then their owl brought the letter back unopened, with another parcel … he was devastated. What was in that parcel, anyway?”

“Gifts,” I said, somewhat surprised she didn’t know. “I didn’t want the reminder.”

She looked shocked. “That bracelet? You sent that back? But you loved it!”

“That, and the clasp I got for my birthday last year,” I said. “That was him, too.”

“Well, that would explain it,” she said, shaking her head. “He locked himself up in his room and didn’t come out again all day. When he did, he just got straight onto the bike and left without saying goodbye to anyone. James was terrified he was going to do something stupid like pick a fight with some Death Eaters, so he Disapparated to London to wait for him there. I’ve barely seen him since, to be honest.”

“I’m sorry, Lily,” I said guiltily. “I didn’t mean to cause trouble for you two.”

“I know you didn’t,” she said, coming over and giving me a hug. “So, will you talk to him? Please?”

I knew when I was defeated. “Yeah, why not,” I said dully. “Not that it’ll make any difference.”

“You never know,” she said quietly. “Wait here, okay? I’ll go and get him.”

________________________________________

43
I felt uncomfortable and rather vulnerable sitting alone in the classroom like that, my tear-stained face on display to anyone who opened the door. To help counteract this – I wasn’t going to leave, I’d made a promise to Lily – I moved from my chair in the middle of the room to a spot on the floor behind the door, hidden from anyone who didn’t know I was there. A little while later the door opened again and James poked his head in.

“Good, you’re still here,” he said when he spotted me leaning against the wall, curled up in the foetal position. “Now give me your wand.”

I stared at him. “Give you my wand?”

He nodded, coming into the room and standing in front of me with his hand held out. “Yes, your wand. We don’t want this turning into a hex battle.”

“I’m not giving you my wand,” I said petulantly.

He shrugged. “Your choice. But be warned, I’m prepared to fight you for it. I’d just prefer it if you handed it over voluntarily.”

Figuring I’d been through enough lately without James Potter using me for target practice as well, I reached into my robes and pulled it out. “Fine. Have it your way.”

“Good,” he said. “I’ve taken Padfoot’s too, just so you know.”

“Right,” I said listlessly. “Whatever.”

James went back out into the passage and a moment later Sirius came in and sat down next to me, not too close but not very far either, maybe a couple of feet. We heard the door squelch as it closed: it had obviously been Colloportused. It looked like we were being locked in this room until something – anything – got resolved.

For several seconds, neither of us spoke. Sirius broke the silence. “Prongs and Lily think we should talk.” His voice sounded a little hoarse, like he hadn’t used it much lately.

I nodded. “Apparently.”

There was another silence. This time, I broke it. “Did you want to start?”

He laughed hollowly. “Why bother? Even if you did listen, chances are you wouldn’t believe me anyway.”

There was too much truth in this for me to ignore so I just sat there, staring at the wall opposite us. After another pause, he leaned over and put a small parcel on the floor next to me.

“You might as well have these back,” he said dully. “I’ve got no use for them. Do what you like with them, I don’t care. You can even sell them, you should get a decent bit of gold for them.” His voice was flat and he didn’t look at me.

I picked up the parcel. It jingled a little in my hand and when I opened it, I saw the clasp and the bracelet he had bought me. The ones I had sent back to him.

“You should keep them,” I said awkwardly.

He shook his head. “No point,” he said, still dully. “I bought them to try to show someone how much she meant to me,” he went on, his voice cracking a little. “Turns out she didn’t care.”

Tears started rolling down my cheeks. “I cared,” I protested. “I probably cared too much. That’s why it hurt so much, finding out it wasn’t real.”

“But it was real,” he said, anger making his voice come alive again. “You wilfully misunderstood.”

“Yeah, whatever,” I said. “I’ve heard that before.”

“Well, then, did it ever occur to you that there might be something in it?” he challenged.

“I know what I heard,” I said defensively. “I wasn’t born yesterday, Sirius. It was pretty obvious what you meant.”

“I guess it doesn’t matter anyway,” he said, his voice dull and expressionless again. “You’re not the person I thought you were. I made a mistake.”

The tears came back again. That was all I was now – a mistake. It was like a knife in my heart.

“What did you think I was like?” I asked tentatively.

He shrugged. “I thought you actually understood me,” he said eventually. “I thought that if anything like this ever came up you would stop to hear my side of it, rather than jumping to conclusions and, well, ditching me like that.” He paused again. “I thought you were special.”

The knife in my heart turned. I ’d thought I’d understood him, too, just as I’d thought he’d understood me. We must have both been wrong.

I pushed the jewellery back towards him. “You take these,” I said. “Maybe you can return them or something.”

He shook his head and pushed it back to my side. “I bought them for you,” he said. “They’re yours. Sell them if you don’t want them, you should get seventy or eighty for them.”

“Seventy or eighty Sickles?” I asked, turning my head to look at him.

He looked offended. “What do you think I am, a cheapskate?”

My eyes widened. “Galleons?”

He nodded. “Only the best,” he said bitterly. “I thought you were worth it.”

“I’m so sorry,” I murmured, trying not to cry again. His words cut at me, and to try to distract myself I picked up the bracelet and fingered it absently.

“Worth every Knut, though,” he said suddenly, his voice coming alive again with what almost sounded like enthusiasm. “We had, what, three full days together?” I looked at him and nodded, the tears blurring my vision a little. He turned to face the wall again. “Best three days of my life,” he went on. “Best two weeks of my life, really, even if I didn’t see you for most of them. If all it took to feel like that all the time was a bit of gold, I’d be shelling it out happily.”

I could have said that myself. Almost word for word, it was exactly how I felt. How could it all have gone so wrong? Trying not to think about it, I took a deep breath and asked the question I’d been avoiding for a fortnight.

“Sirius, tell me about what I heard. You know, at James’ place.”

He turned his head and looked at me, clearly surprised. “Really?”

I nodded, steeling myself. “Yes, really.” I took another breath. “I’m not that different from what you thought. I know I should hear you out. I just didn’t want to in case it hurt me any more.”

He looked a little relieved, but didn’t answer straight away. “Where to start,” I heard him mutter. “Right,” he went on, this time louder. “Well, as a bit of background, the things that we talk about among ourselves are pretty much sports, girls and sex. Though not necessarily in that order.”

I nodded. “Probably not a huge surprise.”

The ghost of a smile crossed his face. “No, probably not. Anyway, well, there are twenty girls in our year group here, so you shouldn’t be surprised to learn that we’ve gone through and rated every one of you over the years. And that sparks off little asides, and in-jokes, and that sort of thing.”

“Right.” I wasn’t sure how much of this I really wanted to know.

“Okay.” He took a breath. “So, keep that in mind as I move on to what you heard that morning,” he said. “We were trying to find Wormtail a girlfriend, because as you know he hasn’t had much success with girls. You know, someone who might actually want to touch him.”

I smiled despite myself. “Good luck with that.”

“Well, yes,” he agreed. “And he doesn’t make things any easier for himself because he’s so picky.”

I stared at him. “Peter?”

He nodded. “Yes, he is. We’d thrown some names at him and he’d found something wrong with all of them. So we summed it up by saying that he just wants someone with a great body but not much in the way of brains.”

“Tits and arse and not much else,” I supplied tonelessly.

He made a face. “I’m not proud of that line,” he said, “but, well, yes. And someone made the connection that, before you, my past history was pretty much that.”

“And then with me,” I said bitterly, “you didn’t even get that because, as Peter pointed out, I don’t have much by way of –”

“No,” Sirius said suddenly, cutting me off. “No, that’s not what we meant.”

I looked at him scornfully. “Yeah, right. Pull the other one.”

“No, it’s not,” he insisted. “We meant that you’re different because you’re more than that, not less.”

“Funny way of saying it, then,” I commented wryly.

“I said we talked about sex, not feelings,” he said with some exasperation. “They’re two completely different things.”

“I guess,” I said, trying to be fair. “Connected, but different.”

He made a noise like he was about to argue the point but thought better of it. “Right. So if anything as – um – personal as feelings comes up, then we try to say it in as, er, as general a way as possible. And if there can be more than one meaning to what you say, if it could be misconstrued, then so much the better.” He sighed again as he took in my sceptical expression. “Look, Laura, I’m not trying to excuse what I said, I’m trying to explain it.”

“Okay.” I tried to hide my irritation. “But you never talk about anything personal? Not even with James?”

“Oh, one on one we do,” he explained, “but not in a group. There are probably exceptions, of course, but usually it’ll only come up in a group situation if we want to embarrass someone.”

“Right,” I said. “So, what you’re saying is, you were speaking generally and trying to give things connotations that weren’t necessarily accurate.”

“I’m the first to admit it should have been worded differently,” he said, looking at the wall again. “I’m not proud of it. We just figured that you were still asleep and Lily was in the shower, so we didn’t think anyone would hear us. Call it not thinking, call it what you like, but it was a mistake.”

“But this is the sort of thing you’d be saying in the dorm,” I said accusingly.

“Well, yes,” he said, sighing again. “Maybe I shouldn’t even be trying this. Trying to get you to understand how a boy’s mind works – I don’t really understand how your mind works, so trying to explain this to you is probably pointless.”

“Try me,” I said. “I’ll do my best.”

He hesitated. “Okay, I’ll try you,” he said eventually. “Just in case you are worth it, after all. So, going back to what you heard. The comment about your … well, that comment, that was a throwback of those ratings of girls we used to do.”

“So that was how you rated me,” I said dryly. “Thanks.”

“Hey, you said you’d hear me out,” he said defiantly. “This is you doing your best?”

I felt chastened. “Sorry.”

He nodded. “Right. Well, that was how I rated you in fifth year. I think you got about a five. Out of ten, that is. Nothing special, I thought, and could do with bigger …”

I looked away from him again. “Right. Thanks for that.”

“And then last term when we did it again,” he said loudly, talking over me, “I gave you a ten.”

My head spun towards him. “Ten?”

He nodded. “I told you in Bristol that you were just about perfect,” he said. “And I meant that. I thought you were.” He shook his head again. “Got that one wrong, didn’t I.”

I realised suddenly that we had both moved from our original positions, towards each other, just subtly but enough that the gap between us was now only a matter of inches rather than feet, and I wondered what that was telling me. Probably it was just something else I didn’t want to think about.

“So,” I pressed, “what you’re saying is, when you were talking about me that day, you were saying – in a roundabout way, by the sounds of things – that I represented more, not less, than, well, that phrase.”

He met my eyes and nodded, clearly willing me to believe him. “Yes.”

“Then why did you say that I made up for it by shagging you?” I asked bluntly.

“I didn’t,” he said defensively. “You’re jumping to conclusions again. I said that they knew what I thought of that comment – which incidentally was that I liked them how they were – and that you made up for it in other ways. And bear in mind what I said about skirting around any feelings in these conversations and saying stuff that could mean several different things.”

I nodded, trying to be fair and hear him out. “Okay. So you were deliberately implying one thing, but you meant something else.”

He nodded. “Yes. And the guys understood that, so they never interpreted it that way. They’d laugh about it, yes, but they knew it didn’t mean that.”

“So what did you mean?” I asked.

He hesitated for a fraction of a second before answering. “I meant that you, as a whole package, were … you know that phrase, the whole is more than the sum of its parts? Or Golpalott’s Third Law in Potions – the antidote to a blended poison is equal to more than the sum of each individual antidote. That’s what it was like with you. That is, the parts were all brilliant, but combined … it was like you were too good to be true. Which in hindsight I guess you were. Because if you were what I thought you were, we would have been having this conversation two weeks ago instead of now, and you would have figured out that there was nothing in it. And none of these past two weeks would have happened.”

I shook my head, my eyes welling up again. “You see, Sirius, this is why I didn’t want to talk to you, why I sent those letters back. You’re too good at this. You always say just what I want to hear. It makes it so much harder not to believe you.”

“Well, then, try believing it,” he challenged. “I’m not just saying this stuff, Laura. I mean it. Think about it – the way people talk about me at this school, do you honestly think that if I said this sort of thing as a matter of course, you wouldn’t know?”

I smiled wryly. “I’ve got to hand it to you, that’s a good argument.”

“Because it’s true,” he insisted. “And believe me, if the guys thought we were shagging, you would have known about it.”

I shook my head again. “Fool me once, shame on you,” I said. “Fool me twice, shame on me.” And I hugged my knees tightly and burst into noisy and very undignified tears.

I immediately felt his arm around me, comforting me, even though I had just called him the worst sort of liar. Before I could stop myself I had collapsed onto him, throwing my arms around him and crying onto his shoulder as he patted my back reassuringly and held me to him. It was incredibly comforting, even though every now and then I felt him shudder a little, as though he too was struggling to stay calm.

“You still don’t believe me, do you,” he said quietly after a while. I looked at him and shook my head mutely. “I thought you would,” he mumbled, releasing his hold on me. “The person I thought you were, would have.”

“I want to,” I whispered. “More than anything I want to. But I can’t risk it.” I looked away. “I can’t go through this again. It just hurts too much.”

“Try,” he insisted. “We can work this out. You won’t have to go through this again. Come on, prove to me that I wasn’t wrong about you.”

I looked at him, sighing inwardly. He did understand me, too well I thought – this was definitely intended to be a challenge and he would have known that I would have trouble backing away from it. But could we do it? After this, could it ever be like it was before?

“I’m not sure I can,” I admitted finally. “It’s probably too late.”

“Try me,” he said. And he gently turned me to face him and put a finger to my wet cheek, wiping away a tear.

Through blurry eyes I gazed at him, longing for it all to be real. And his face was open, it had that look that I’d thought meant he was being genuine. Maybe, a small voice in the back of my mind pointed out, he was. Just maybe, this was true.

Watching me intently, he gently pushed my hair back off my face, where it had been clinging to the wet skin, and leaned in and kissed my cheek, his lips just brushing where a tear was sitting. A moment later, after I didn’t push him away, he did it again, focussing on another tear on the other cheek, further down this time, closer to my mouth. And before I even realised I was doing it, I had moved my head ever so slightly and caught his lips with mine, kissing him hungrily and with all the passion of a broken heart, pulling him towards me to be as close as possible.

After a little while we broke apart, not really sure why we’d been kissing at all. Wasn’t this a break-up meeting? Don’t be silly, that voice in the back of my head told me, this is what you wanted all along. As soon as he came into the room, you wanted to make it up with him.

He seemed to know what I was thinking because he put a hand to my face again and looked at me searchingly. “Laura, what does this mean? Are we back on?”

I hesitated. I wanted more than anything to say yes, but something still held me back. “I don’t know.”

He pulled away from me abruptly and stared at the wall opposite again, his hand raking through his hair in frustration. “For the love of Merlin, Laura, make up your mind. If this is ever going to work out – and deep down you know we both want it to – then you’re going to have to trust me. Tell me honestly, when have I ever lied to you? Think about it. Never, that’s your answer. Never. I might have not answered a question, or I might have dodged it with jokes and sarcasm, but I haven’t lied. Not once.”

Taken aback, I forced myself to think about it. I went through every conversation I’d ever had with him that I could think of, every single one (aside from what had caused the fight in the first place – I was trying to be fair), and I couldn’t remember a definite lie. Evasions, yes, but no lies. So, I reasoned internally, that would tend to indicate that he wasn’t lying now. I had to swallow my insecurities and accept that. Finally, I took a deep breath and turned to him again, saying the words that I knew in my heart to be true.

“I trust you.”

Of course you do, that annoying voice in my head pointed out. You’d trust him with your life, if it came to that.

He was still staring at the wall, but at this he quickly turned towards me. “What was that?”

“I trust you,” I repeated. “You’re right. You haven’t lied to me. Not that I can think of, anyway.”

His whole body relaxed, which surprised me as I hadn’t realised how tense he’d been. “You really mean that? You believe me now?”

I nodded slowly. “I’m so sorry,” I whispered, tears welling up yet again as I thought of what I’d done to him. “I’ve been completely unfair to you, haven’t I?”

“It was my fault too,” he said. “I should never have said that in the first place.” He took a breath, his hand running through my hair. “I spent all this week, after you wouldn’t talk to me on Sunday, trying to convince myself that I’d misjudged you, that I was wrong about you. I’m so relieved that I wasn’t.”

“I missed you so much,” I admitted. “I couldn’t cope, knowing you were there and you weren’t mine any more.”

“I missed you too,” he murmured, and we kissed again, still hungrily, needing to make up for those two weeks in as short a time as possible, me starting to wonder why we’d broken up at all. This was what I had always wanted. Even when I didn’t know I wanted him, I knew I wanted this.

Some time later we paused for breath, and he took the opportunity to put a hand to my breast. “And, for the record,” he said quietly, “I would never need a search party to find these, and I certainly don’t want you casting an Engorgement Charm on them. I think they’re perfect just the way they are.” His hand was still there, caressing me through my robes and sending a surge of electricity through me. “In fact,” he went on, “my only complaint is that I don’t know them nearly well enough. They are, like the rest of you, beautiful.” And he leaned down and kissed each one softly – and it sent my heart racing even more.

I put my hand to his chest and made a move to start inching downwards. He lifted his head, a mischievous smile crossing his face. “Do I take it you don’t want to go slow any more?”

“This is slow,” I pointed out, surprising myself with my newfound boldness. “We’re both fully clothed, aren’t we?”

“For the time being,” he teased. A little alarmed, I took my hand away – I hadn’t intended to go any further than that. “Joking, joking,” he said quickly, grabbing my hand and moving it back to where it was. “Though if I’d known this would happen today, I would have shaved this morning.” He put a hand to the stubble on his cheek smiled ruefully.

“I don’t mind,” I said with a smile, reaching up and pulling him even closer to me. “I’d rather that than nothing at all.”

****

Some time later the door opened again, and James and Lily tentatively poked their heads into the room. “It’s been two hours,” Lily said nervously. “How’s it go-” Her voice cut out as she saw Sirius and me, curled up together in a corner, our arms around each other. “Well,” she said, looking so relieved it was almost funny, “I guess you two have worked it out.”

“You could say that,” Sirius said, unable to stop his smile as we stood up. “Oh, and Prongs? I’ll take my wand back now, if you don’t mind.”

“What?” James looked confused. “Oh yeah, right. Of course.” He reached into his robes and pulled out two wands, which he looked at intently before throwing the correct ones to each of us.

“Thanks,” said Sirius, twirling his in his hand before stowing it inside his robes. “Could have done with this an hour ago.”

“Why?” asked Lily.

“Conjure up a mattress or something,” Sirius explained, rubbing his elbow. “This floor’s not very comfortable, if you know what I mean.”

“So, are you saying that you’d like us to leave you here?” James asked, smiling broadly. “That can be arranged. An Imperturbable Charm on the door, perhaps?”

“Now there’s a thought,” I said. “But, you said it had been two hours?”

Lily nodded. “We thought that would be long enough. Looks like we were right.” She looked pointedly at the bracelet I was now wearing again, and smiled.

I ignored her grin. “But that means that classes have finished now,” I said, thinking hard. “And that would mean that supper’s not very far off.” I looked at Sirius. “Food’s sounding pretty good right now, to tell the truth. I’m starving.”

“No problem,” he said, his eyes sparkling. “I might duck upstairs first, though, if you don’t mind. Clean myself up a bit.”

I fingered my hair, hanging limply past my shoulders. I wasn’t sure when it – or my face, for that matter – had last been washed and, like Sirius, I was keen to rectify this as soon as possible. “Good idea,” I said with a smile. “Wait for me, will you? I’ll come up too.”

****

I was saddened but not surprised when our entry into the Great Hall for supper was again greeted by whispers. “What? They’re back together?” … “How did that happen?” … “She must be helping it along a bit …”

I tried to ignore it while Sirius just groaned. “Delightful, aren’t they,” he muttered as we sat down. “You’d think they’d have something else to talk about. There is a war on, after all.”

“Until that starts affecting them directly, though, I think this is the sort of thing they’ll want to talk about,” I pointed out. “And as much as it annoys me, I don’t think I’m going to start wishing a Death Eater attack on the Vablatskys.”

He smiled and kissed my cheek. “Though that would be one way of dealing with it …”

Mary interrupted us by running over from the Ravenclaw table, where she’d been sitting with Sebastian. “Thank goodness ye worked it oot,” she breathed as she gave us the biggest bear hug I’d ever experienced. “Ye were drivin’ us all mad, nae talkin’ t’ each ither when we coul’ all see ye were both dyin’.”

“Nice to see you, too, Mary,” I laughed. “Merlin’s beard, has everyone been talking about it?”

“Jus’ yer friends,” she said, still smiling broadly. “An’, I think, yer fan club too, Sirius. Though they micht nae be as chuffed as we are t’ see ye back together.”

“Was I that bad company this week?” I asked.

She made a face. “Worse. Both o’ ye, horrible t’ be aroond. Bu’ ye’ve made up so we can all relax agin. Nou jus’ promise ye wilna dae it agin, I dinna think any o’ us coul’ stan’ it.” She turned to me. “Oh, an’ dinna worry aboot Bernie. I think he’s worked oot it’s nae goin’ t’ happen.” And she gave me another hug and trundled back to Sebastian, waving merrily at us over her shoulder.

I looked past her to the Ravenclaw table, where Bernie did indeed look somewhat resigned as he stabbed at something with his fork. That was twice I’d let him down, I realised with more than a little remorse. I’d have to make a point of apologising.

Sirius looked at me. “Bernie? As in, Bernie Carmichael? What’s that about?”

“He asked me out,” I explained. “And I said I’d think about it.”

“He’s got a nerve,” he growled. “What jinxes haven’t I used on him yet?”

“Hey, be fair,” I said. “He was really polite and said he’d wait till I was ready. And, well, we had broken up, so it’s not like I wasn’t single.” I squeezed his hand. “But Lily asked me to talk to you first, and, well, that was this afternoon.”

“Right.” He still looked put out. “Thanks, Lily,” he said a bit louder. “I owe you one.” Lily turned and looked at him, clearly a little confused, but he didn’t elaborate.

The meal was almost over when Sirius leaned over and spoke very quietly in my ear. “This is driving me crazy,” he said. “When can we get out of here?”

I swallowed my bite of treacle tart. “I think I’ve just about made up for not eating over the past fortnight,” I said, “but it’s up to you. Do you want to be the first to leave the hall?”

He winked at me. “They’ll talk about us anyway, we might as well give them a reason,” he said, a sly grin on his face. “Come on.”

Our friends smiled knowingly when we stood up to leave, and some whispers came from the other tables, but to my surprise I found I didn’t care. I knew what I had to look forward to once we were out of sight and Sirius didn’t disappoint, stopping in the Entrance Hall to kiss me deeply before we headed upstairs. “I’m not really one for broom cupboards,” he said conversationally on the way up. “Too cramped, generally, and Filch tends to find you. Not to mention the potential for stepping in buckets and things by mistake – most uncomfortable. I got hit in the eye by a mop handle once because I knocked it the wrong way.” He grinned. “Besides, that cupboard just off the Entrance Hall gets used by so many people you almost need to book it in advance. So we’ve come up with some other alternatives.”

I had thought he was taking me back to what would have been an empty Gryffindor Tower, going by the route we took, but that seemed to indicate otherwise. This impression was confirmed when we detoured off route on the fourth floor and stopped outside a large mirror.

“Alohomora,” he said, tapping it with his wand, and the mirror creaked as it came out from the wall and revealed a secret passageway.

Sirius pulled me inside and the mirror closed back up, leaving us in darkness. We both lit our wands automatically and I had a look around.

“This leads to the back of the Three Broomsticks,” he explained. “It’s probably the roomiest of the passages out of the school. Now,” he went on, “let’s make it a bit more comfortable.” And he conjured a thick rug for the floor and a rather plush-looking couch while I just watched dumbly, trying to take it in.

“Right,” he said once he was happy with it, “where were we?” And he pulled me towards him and we kissed again, tenderly, passionately, as though there was no one else in the world.

________________________________________

44
The following Monday I was accosted by Elvira, Greta Catchlove and a handful of other fan club members as I sat in the library in my morning free period. Sirius had just gone to Muggle Studies and I wanted to spend some time catching up on the homework I’d neglected the previous week.

“Okay, tell us how you did it,” Elvira said accusingly, taking the seat next to me. I was a little surprised as I understood she took Muggle Studies too, but maybe she was willing to risk the ire of Professor Penrose by being late.

I decided to play dumb. “Did what?”

“Got your slimy paws on Sirius, of course,” she snarled. “And I thought you were my friend! How could you do that to me?”

I laughed. “For one thing, Elvira, I would never have called us friends. Friends hang out at lunch time and go to Hogsmeade together and catch up over the holidays. That was never us.”

“But what did you do? Was it a love potion? ’Cause we tried that and it didn’t work.”

This was news to me but I wasn’t exactly surprised. Sirius would have to be really thick to eat or drink anything any of this lot gave him. However, it did give me something to work with.

“That’s right,” I said. “I stole some amortentia from Slughorn and fed it to him. Unfortunately it ran out over Christmas, though, and I’ve only just got my supplies up again.”

From the looks on their faces they actually believed me. “How much did you use?” Greta asked.

I had no idea how much amortentia would be needed to get someone interested in you, and unlike Elvira, Greta did NEWT level Potions so I’d have to be convincing. “Half a tablespoon,” I invented.

“So, was it worth it?” Greta demanded. “What’s it like?”

Well, if the fact that I couldn’t stop smiling didn’t give it away, then she and Elvira weren’t as smart as I’d previously given them credit for. Then again, there are none so blind as those who will not see, as my mother would say. “Definitely worth it,” I said dreamily, my mind going back just half an hour to the free period Sirius and I had spent together. “It’s amazing.”

Anyway, I might have been laying it on a bit thick because Elvira was looking suspicious. “Why are you telling us all this?” she demanded. “What if it gets back to him?”

This brought me back to earth a bit, though nothing had been said that offered me any unease. After all, before we got together I hadn’t given Sirius even so much as a breath mint, so I wasn’t overly worried even if they did tell him. “Tell him what you like,” I said. “You think he’d believe you anyway?”

“She’s got a point,” said a sixth-year I knew was in Gryffindor, though I’d not heard her speak before. “He wouldn’t listen to us.”

“She’s lying anyway,” said Elvira, eyeing me shrewdly, and I was reminded suddenly that she was a Ravenclaw. “You never gave him any love potion, did you?”

I grinned. “I admit it,” I said. “Caught out again. How did you guess?”

She didn’t answer, returning instead to her favourite theme. “So how did you do it? What do you have that we don’t?”

Again I refrained from giving the obvious answer – “Sirius” – and instead smiled a somewhat vicious smile. “Well, Elvira,” I said sweetly, “remember how I once suggested you not throw yourself at him but rather just be yourself, be a person who’s nice to be around, and see if it works?”

She blanched a little. “Vaguely. What about it?”

I kept smiling. “Well, guess what? It works.”

****

I got the distinct feeling after that little episode that my previously friendly, or at least cordial, relationship with Elvira was well and truly over. This impression was solidified that very afternoon, when Greta obviously decided I was a deserving target during our Potions lesson.

The seating arrangements in the dungeon had changed yet again, with me moving to Sirius, Lily and James’ table, and Remus taking my spot with Charlotte and the two Hufflepuffs. I was sure Charlotte was just as pleased with the rearrangement as I was, though Remus appeared a little uncomfortable. Slughorn, for his part, didn’t appear to detect that any had alteration taken place, but then again neither Remus nor I were in the Slug Club so we were beneath his notice, so to speak.

In fact, the only ones who paid any attention to the change at all were Leda Madley, who glared at me as I went to the table at the back of the room, and Greta, who looked furious and would occasionally send a hex my way from her position on our left. A simple Shield Charm was generally enough to put a stop to her antics, however, so it was very unusual that anything came of them.

“That’s it, ignore her,” Sirius said quietly, a jinx hitting the invisible shield as we worked together on the day’s assignment. “She’ll get tired of it before too long.”

“Aww,” I complained. “Can’t I turn her fingers into asparagus spears? Just this once? Please?” I checked quickly to see if Slughorn was nearby, but he was paying little attention to us as he explained something to Scylla Pritchard at the Slytherin table.

Sirius grinned. “Tempting,” he admitted. “But maybe you should wait until class is over. I don’t want you getting a detention.”

“But that ruins all the fun,” I pointed out, shaking my head. “Not much point taking control of her fingers away after we’ve left Potions.”

He laughed, almost slicing his hand open as he cut our valerian roots into smaller portions. “You’ve got me there,” he said. “But what happened to the girl who told me she never did anything wrong?”

I looked at him, surprised. “When did I say that?”

“That night you got me out of a detention when we were coming back from Quidditch practice,” he explained. “When Filch caught us out after curfew.”

“Oh, that,” I said, remembering. “If you recall, what I actually said was, no one ever thinks I’m doing anything wrong. Big difference.” I smiled as I sorted the frozen ashwinder eggs that Lily had brought back from the stores cupboard into four piles.

He put down his silver knife and snuck a quick kiss onto my forehead, his eyes flicking to where Professor Slughorn was still engrossed with Pritchard. “Of course, how could I forget?”

“By the way,” I said as something occurred to me, “was that a set-up? The whole I-must-be-escorted-to-and-from-the-Quidditch-pitch thing?”

Sirius laughed. “Of course it was. It’s taken you this long to work it out?” He grinned broadly. “Though Prongs was most disappointed I didn’t make the most of it, weren’t you, mate?” he went on, clapping James on the shoulder.

James, clearly suppressing a smile, shook his head as he dropped the frozen eggs into his cauldron. “I gave him every opportunity I could think of and he kept chickening out. Tell you what, Laura, I never realised Padfoot could be so gutless.”

Lily looked up from her potion and nodded. “Like I said, last term we were that close to locking you two in a broom cupboard. Never have two people been alone so much and never done anything.”

I laughed. “I think you probably need to work on your matchmaking skills,” I said, dropping a scoopful of Flobberworms into my cauldron. “In the end we had to work it out for ourselves.”

James raised his eyebrows, though his hazel eyes were sparkling behind his glasses. “Like hell you did. Padfoot would still be drooling from a distance if I hadn’t physically pushed him towards you at the ball.”

Sirius looked unimpressed. “I was already going, you didn’t have to push me!”

“Yes, of course you were,” James said placatingly. “We know what we saw, don’t we, Lils?” Grinning broadly, he turned back to his potion and began stirring it anticlockwise.

Lily grinned too. “Yes, and it looked a lot like hesitation from where I was.”

“I was going, all right?” Sirius was definitely not happy with the way the conversation was going so I decided to rescue him.

“I believe you,” I said, looking at him fondly. “And I’m going to change the subject and go back to hexing Greta.” We all turned our heads just in time to see another of her jinxes deflect off the shield that Sirius had erected, and I looked at him. “Am I allowed to do the asparagus thing?”

He paused as though thinking about it. “How about, if she manages to shatter the shield, she’s fair game. Do what you like.” I smiled as he dropped two dried Billywig stings into his cauldron and then mine, and then gave me a quick hug.

Of course, Greta didn’t shatter the shield – she may have been good at Charms but Sirius was brilliant at Defence, and I thought even a fully qualified Death Eater would probably have trouble shattering his Shield Charm. As a result she made it out of Potions hex-free, though if she kept up her attacks on me I couldn’t guarantee how long she would remain so. Even if I didn’t lose it first and retaliate, she could well end up with Sirius to deal with, and I wouldn’t have wished that on anyone.

The seating arrangements also changed in Defence, Charms, Transfiguration, and even Herbology as we made the most of every opportunity to be together, even if it was just sharing a desk during lessons. This made things a little awkward sometimes as Remus and Peter occasionally found themselves on the outer, but to their credit neither of them complained or even looked put out by the changes. (Actually, I suspected they were so relieved to have the old Sirius back that they were happy to put up with anything.) Equally Mary, Martha and Charlotte were unperturbed, Mary choosing to sit with Sebastian when he was in our classes, and Martha and Charlotte partnering each other, all insisting that I should take my time to feel my way into this new relationship.

And feel my way in I did, in more ways than one. Quite frankly, Sirius as a boyfriend was a lot more touchy-feely than I had anticipated. I’d seen him with previous girlfriends and there hadn’t seemed to be much in the way of public displays, but now he was always there, holding my hand or with an arm around my waist or shoulders, kissing me at mealtimes in full view of everyone. Quick pecks, that is, not a full snog, but still not what I had been expecting. Occasionally when we were doing homework together he would grab my hand and kiss it, as though without thinking, and without pausing in whatever he was writing. A nd even in class he would sit as close as possible to me so that our chairs were touching. I didn’t mind – in fact, I found it rather endearing and definitely reassuring – but it was still a little surprising.

Martha had noticed it too. “He’s different with you,” she said that night in the dorm. “He won’t let go of you: it’s like he’s stamping his name on you, marking his territory so no one else dares come close.”

I laughed. “You make him sound like a dog!”

She shrugged and Lily looked like she was trying not to laugh as well. “Yeah, okay, maybe that was unfair,” Martha acknowledged. “But it is different. With the rest of us, he didn’t give a toss whether we stayed or went. But with you, if you go, he’ll follow. It’s almost like he’s worried that if he lets go of you, you might disappear again.”

Lily smiled. “No, it’s just that he thinks that time apart is time wasted. And I can understand that,” she said, a bit of a dreamy look on her face. “James is the same.”

Martha shook her head. “No, not even James is this bad,” she said before appearing to reconsider. “Or maybe he was, at the start, but he’s not any more.”

“Well then, give us a couple of months and Sirius will most probably back off too,” I pointed out.

She shrugged again. “Maybe. Like I said, he’s different with you. He may not back off at all.”

Charlotte giggled. “Well, Martha, you did say that he was falling hard. This is just the proof.”

Martha nodded. “Yeah, I think it might be.” She grinned suddenly, looking at me. “And don’t take this the wrong way, Laura, but I never thought it would be you he fell for.”

I grinned too. “If that’s what it is, of course.” Because no matter what they said, I still wasn’t convinced that was in fact what was happening.

Lily snorted and even Martha looked dubious. “Okay, I’ll admit, it’s just possible that it is,” I went on, trying not to sound ungracious and playing to their theory. “And if that’s the case, don’t worry, Martha. Neither did I.”

****

The following day, Sirius and I both had a break in the last period and so absconded to an empty classroom on the fifth floor for some time alone, a hot air charm around us in an attempt to block out the icy wind that insisted on coming through the cracks around the ancient windows. Unfortunately our rendezvous was interrupted when my Imperturbable Charm was broken, and the door opened to reveal Professor McGonagall. She did a bit of a double take as she took in the sight of Sirius on an old chair and me on his lap, facing him, having obviously just been interrupted mid-snog.

“Mr Black, Miss Cauldwell, you are well aware that is not appropriate behaviour,” she said, her eyebrows hovering somewhere near her hairline, though I got the impression she was trying not to smile. “I expect better conduct from students in my House.” She paused, looking at us over her glasses, and dropped her voice slightly. “You would also do well to remember that Imperturbable Charms are by no means foolproof.”

We got sheepishly to our feet. “Sorry, Professor,” we mumbled pretty much in unison, grabbing our school bags from a nearby desk.

She stood by the open door and waited until we had passed her, the ghost of a smile now definitely on her lips. I even thought I heard her mutter, “Good choice, Black,” as we made our way into the corridor.

I looked up at him as we headed downstairs to somewhere a bit warmer. “Did she just say what I thought she said?”

He smiled, his arm around my shoulder. “You know, I think she did,” he agreed. “Seems old Minerva approves of you. Who’d have thought it?”

I never got a chance to respond, though: as we rounded a corner we found ourselves face to face with Regulus Black. I’d seen him around but had never spoken to him; however, from the look on his face as he surveyed me it was evident that this wasn’t to be a friendly family reunion.

Sirius must have seen his brother’s expression but opted to ignore it. “Reg! What are you doing up here? Have you met Laura?”

“So it’s true then,” Regulus said, not answering the questions and looking at Sirius and then me with obvious distaste. “You’ve hooked up with her.”

“And what if I have?” The cheerful tone in Sirius’ voice disappeared with alarming speed and his arm dropped from my shoulder as he looked threateningly at his brother, his hand going inside his robes where he kept his wand.

Regulus sneered. “I’ve looked up to you for years,” he said. “Years. I believed some of that stuff you said. Even when you got Sorted into Gryffindor, I defended you to Mum and Dad. I’ve disobeyed orders to talk to you, defended you to people in Slytherin. But this time you’ve gone too far. I can’t accept this.” He paused. “She’s a Muggle, for Merlin’s sake. A Muggle.”

“Actually,” Sirius said coldly, “she’s only half Muggle. You might want to get your facts straight. Not that it makes any difference anyway. She’s amazing, no matter who or what her parents are. And that’s what my point has been all along. A person is more than just their parents’ bloodline.” He put his arm protectively back around my shoulders.

“Her bloodline makes all the difference in the world,” Regulus said, just as coldly. “I’m sorry, but I can’t defend you any more. It’s her or me.”

My heart stopped in my chest. What if blood won out? He was fond of his brother, he wouldn’t want to lose him entirely, no matter what he’d said about me. I braced myself for the blow.

Sirius’ eyes had narrowed. “If that’s what you want,” he said. “I choose her.” I breathed out again, trying to hide my shock and relief. Did he just choose me over his own family?

Regulus looked at me with obvious disgust. “If that’s your choice,” he spat, his steel-grey eyes turning back to his brother. “But you’ve been warned. Even you must see she’s a target.”

Sirius’ face was stony. “Is that supposed to be a threat?” he asked, his voice colder than ice. “Because if you hurt her … well, you know what I’m capable of. And I won’t think twice, even if it’s you.”

Regulus sneered. “This is one step too far,” he went on as though he hadn’t been interrupted. “I can no longer call you my brother.” And he turned his back on us and walked off.

Sirius stood there and watched his brother leave. “You know, I thought he’d turn out all right,” he said eventually. “I thought he’d see sense in the end. He must be softer than I’d thought. Just goes to show, doesn’t it.”

I gave him a quick hug in what I hoped was a reassuring way. “It’s not your fault,” I said. “You did try.”

He turned to me abruptly. “Don’t take anything he said to heart,” he said, giving my forehead a quick kiss. “It wasn’t personal. It can’t be, he doesn’t know anything about you. Which I think he just proved.”

I was astonished at his reaction. He was worried about how I was feeling? “That’s not what was bothering me,” I said honestly.

He looked surprised. “Then what’s wrong?”

“I was more concerned about you,” I said. “Your brother, who you did still talk to, has just disowned you.”

He flashed a smile at me. “He’ll come round eventually,” he said, contradicting his earlier assessment of Regulus’ behaviour. Sirius Black, the eternal optimist. “It’s in there somewhere, only in Slytherin they don’t exactly encourage people to be open minded. So it’ll just take a bit longer than I’d hoped. Anyway,” he went on, changing the subject, “it’s nearly supper time, so we’d better get a move on if we don’t want to miss that.” And he dropped his arm from my shoulder and grabbed my hand instead, leading me downstairs to the Great Hall.

****

Overall, things with Sirius were progressing very nicely, as Mary discovered later that week when she waylaid me in the dorm. She had followed me up the stairs when I went up to drop my bag off before supper and, smiling slyly, fixed her eyes on me. “So, hoo’s it all goin’?” she asked. “Wi’ Sirius, I mean.”

“Better,” I said, sitting on my bed and grinning at her. It felt like eons had passed since we’d last had a good talk. “I’ve had to learn to ignore any doubts I might have because, like he said, if I don’t trust him it’s not going to work out. And I do trust him, deep down I do. So I’m just trying not to let anything bother me.”

“An’ does it?” she asked sitting down next to me. “Bother ye, tha’ is.”

“Sometimes,” I admitted. “But I’m getting better at it. I saw some tart from the fan club trying to come on to him the other day – pretty girl, too, you know that brunette from Slytherin who’s in about sixth year? Long curls and a body to die for? Yeah, her – and I even laughed at it. And, I think that before, I might have got all worked up over that.”

“Brilliant,” Mary grinned. “’Cause he’s mad aboot ye, we can all see tha’. So if ye’ve managed t’ work that oot, things shoul’ be bonny from nou on, richt?”

“I hope so,” I said with a wry smile. “I’m not sure I’d survive another break-up.”

She laughed. “T’ be honest, Laura, I’m nae sure any o’ us woul’ ge’ through tha’ agin. Pinin’ fer each ither, bu’ every time I tried t’ help, ye herded me off. Wouldna e’en le’ me talk t’ ye aboot it.”

I turned to her, surprised. “Really? Was that how you saw it? Because I thought I was doing you a favour, not dragging you down with my moods. I thought you wanted to be with Sebastian.”

“An’ I did,” she said, “bu’ ye’re my bes’ friend, an’ ye were hurtin’. O’ course I wanted t’ help!”

“I’m sorry,” I said with feeling. I’d said those words a lot this term, I realised.

“Oh, it’s all richt,” she grinned. “I’m jus’ happy tha’ ye’re back t’ normal nou.”

“I talked to Bernie, too,” I said suddenly. “I felt horrible. I’d made him a promise and then I’d gone back on it right away.”

She nodded. “I though’ ye mus’ hae,” she said. “He’s takin’ it as well as can be expected.”

“This whole thing is my fault,” I said, again ashamed of my behaviour. “Poor Bernie, he was so nice about it, but he wasn’t happy.”

“Wha’ did he say?” Mary asked.

“That he understood and he’d most probably been a bit forward anyway in asking. He made it sound like he’d always expected us to get back together anyway, but he wanted to throw his hat in, so to speak.”

“He’s a nice lad,” she agreed. “Bu’ he’s richt. I dinna think anythin’ coul’ keep ye and Sirius apar’ fer too long.”

“In any case, I apologised,” I went on, not really sure how to respond to that. “I wish he’d find someone else, though. Not to get him off my back, but because he’s nice, like you said. He deserves to be happy.”

“An’ I’m sure he will be,” she said bracingly. “Jus’ give him some time, he’ll ge’ o’er it.”

“Anyway, enough about me, Mary Macdonald,” I smiled, changing the subject. “I’ve barely heard from you lately.” I looked at her expectantly.

Mary feigned innocence. “Wha’ dae ye mean?”

I grinned. “Well? Sebastian? How’s that going?”

She licked her lips. “Verra nice,” she said, a bit of a dreamy look on her face. “Nae complaints a’ all, t’ tell th’ truth. Well, aside from Gerry Stebbins bein’ aroond a lo’, nae complaints.”

I laughed. “Ah, poor old Gerry,” I said. “Though I guess he’s finally got the hint by now?”

“I woul’ hope so,” Mary laughed. “Spendin’ half my time snoggin’ someone else from his dorm, ye’d think he micht hae worked it oot.”

“And that’s all?” I asked innocently. “Just snogging?”

She blushed a little. “Well, maybe a wee bi’ more than tha’,” she admitted. “It’s verra nice t’ hae a real man agin, ye know?”

I laughed. “So, how long till you’re sneaking out to spend the night in Ravenclaw Tower?”

“Well, nae jus’ ye’,” she said. “Bu’ give it a few weeks …” She turned to me suddenly. “Tha’ reminds me, wha’s goin’ on wi’ ye an’ Sirius wi’ tha’? Are ye still takin’ it slow?”

I hesitated. “Kind of. Or, not really. Because we lost those two weeks, we’ve sort of sped things up to make up for it. And I get the feeling that it’ll stay that way.”

“An’ ye’re okay wi’ that?” she asked a little hesitantly.

“Yes, I am,” I admitted, smiling a little nervously. “If I wasn’t, then it’d all stop – he’s made that perfectly clear. Something to do with not wanting to freak me out like Bertram did.”

Mary laughed. “Well, I micht hae worded it a wee bi’ differently, bu’ aye, tha’s a goo’ poin’. Ye were on edge a lo’ wi’ him, I tol’ ye tha’ at th’ time. He didna mak’ ye smile, nae lik’ Sirius does.” She paused, eyeing me beadily. “Sirius really does hae ye worked oot, doesna he?”

“It feels like it,” I agreed. “And it’s kind of nice, you know, having the assumption being that it’s NOT going to happen, rather than that it is? It takes all the pressure away.”

“I can understan’ tha’,” she said, then smiled mischievously. “Bu’ maybe ye want it t’ happen anyway? I’m guessin’ tha’ wi’ Sirius it’s a lo’ more – physical – than it wa’ wi’ Bertram.”

I giggled. “Well, I’m older now, so you have to expect that. And let’s face it, if you look at the two of them there’s no comparison, is there? Sirius is an absolute fox, whereas Bertram …” I paused and it was her turn to giggle before I spoke again. “And to think that I once thought Bertram was as good as I was ever going to get.”

We both laughed at that. “Ye definitely ha’ tha’ one wrong,” she said, smiling mischievously.

“Must have been that goat I sacrificed,” I deadpanned. “The planets aligned for me after all.”

She giggled again. “Well, ye’re happy nou, an’ tha’s all tha’ really matters.”

“Yeah, I guess it is,” I said. “And the other difference is, Sirius actually listens to me. You have no idea how much of a relief that is.”

“I can guess,” she said with feeling, then paused again. “Ye know, Laura, I’ve missed this. We dinna talk so much any more.”

“No, we don’t, do we,” I agreed. “Probably something to do with new boyfriends. But yeah, I miss it, too.”

She grinned. “Well, if ye can e’er drag yerself away from Sirius fer ten minutes, le’ me know an’ we’ll dae it agin.”

“Definitely.” I grinned too, even though I realised that dragging myself away from Sirius was in most cases much easier said than done. “Mary, you have my promise.”

****

Unfortunately, not everything kept on going as well as I’d been hoping. In the last week of January Lily ambushed me after supper and I only managed to escape the dorm after an hour or so as she pestered me with Potions revision. Hurrying down to the common room to find Sirius and apologise for being held up, I was surprised to see him in the process of heading out of Gryffindor Tower with James and Peter.

“Where are you going?” I asked, wondering why he was leaving without me.

Sirius paused uncomfortably. “Uh, Laura, I, uh, wasn’t expecting to see you.” He looked searchingly at James and Peter for help. “I thought you were doing revision with Lily tonight.”

“Funny that you knew about that when I didn’t,” I said coolly, a sense of dread enveloping me. This was starting to remind me unpleasantly of Bertram. “What, are you trying to keep me out of the way or something?”

He looked despairingly over my head and I turned to see Lily on the stairs, looking apologetic. “It’s not that, Laura, honestly,” Sirius said pleadingly, his face flickering from the combination of firelight and the cool glow from a full moon coming through the window. “Look, please, we have to go. I can’t tell you why but whatever you’re thinking, I promise it’s not that.”

James stepped in. “Marauder prank,” he said authoritatively. “Male bonding thing. Sorry we didn’t tell you.”

I didn’t believe him. I wasn’t even sure I believed Sirius. All the insecurities I had fought so hard to overcome came back again in droves and I struggled to keep the tears at bay.

Sirius had noticed and tried to comfort me. “Laura, you have to trust me on this. We’re not doing anything you wouldn’t want to know about.”

Scowling, I wriggled out of his grasp. “How about you go and do whatever it is that’s so important you couldn’t tell me about it,” I said coldly. “I can wait.”

“You’ll be waiting a while,” Peter said, sniggering.

I raised my eyebrows. “How long does it take to bond males, then?”

I noticed James look hopelessly in Lily’s direction while Sirius tried to embrace me again. “It’s not like that, I swear,” he said pleadingly. “And I wish I could tell you, I really do. Just please, just this once, don’t ask what we’re doing. You can trust me, I promise.”

I pulled away from his arms. “So it’s like that, is it?” I asked. “I have to trust you, but you obviously don’t trust me. I’m sorry, Sirius, but it has to go both ways.” I swallowed hard, trying not to cry. “And if you can’t do that,” I went on, my voice breaking a little, “then maybe this isn’t going to work after all.”

________________________________________



Author’s note: Once again, sorry about that. And I know I’ve only just got them back together and Laura’s now actively working on her insecurities, so it was all looking so hopeful. However, if you think about it, what Marauder relationship ISN’T going to have some sort of conflict within the first month, when the full moon comes? Assuming the boys were pretty careful who they told what, there were always going to be awkward secrets, especially early on in a relationship as they wouldn’t be close enough to share those particular secrets. So this is how I addressed that.

________________________________________

45
Sirius, who was starting to look rather distressed, stopped suddenly and turned to me, his expression clearing. “Is that what this is about?” he asked, putting both hands to my face, most probably trying to ensure I didn’t pull away from him again. “You think I don’t trust you?”

I looked at him and nodded, the tears making my vision blurry. “It does look like it,” I pointed out. “All this secrecy and sneaking around, you know?”

James, behind Sirius, was fidgeting impatiently. “We need to get going, Padfoot,” he said. “We’ll be late. You can explain tomorrow.”

Sirius looked annoyed and glared over his shoulder. “One minute,” he snapped. “We won’t be any later than usual.”

“What’s going on?” I asked.

He stroked my cheekbone and shook his head. “Not now,” he said. “But I will tell you eventually.”

I stiffened. “Eventually? So that means you don’t really trust me, do you?”

“Of course I trust you,” he said quietly, and I had the distinct impression that he was trying to ensure no one overheard our conversation. “How long have you known about the map? Or James’ Cloak? You really think I tell everyone that sort of thing?”

I smiled behind my tears – he did have a point. “I guess not,” I admitted.

“So, then, you have to believe that this is something I’ll tell you too,” he said, kissing me gently. “Just not now, because it’s not my secret.” He wiped a tear off my cheek. “And no more of these, either, okay?” he went on. “I hate it when you cry.”

I nodded, swallowing hard in an attempt to calm down, though I still wasn’t completely appeased. Sirius seemed to think I was, though, as he smiled briefly, kissed my forehead and turned away, following James and Peter through the portrait hole.

I felt absolutely confused as I watched it close behind them. What did it mean? Should I just take him at his word, or was this something I shouldn’t be accepting at all?

Lily, who had joined me at the portrait hole, was shaking her head in frustration. “I told them this was a bad idea,” she muttered crossly.

“So you knew about it?” I asked as she steered me back to the dorm.

She hesitated. “Sort of. I knew they were going out tonight, and James asked me to keep you in the dorm so Sirius could go without you knowing. But it was a bad idea from the start.”

“What should he have done, then?” I asked.

“Tell you,” she said like it was obvious. “At least that he was going to be out of action tonight. Boys’ night out, something like that. Apparently, though, he was worried about lying to you.”

I smiled grimly. “And he thought sneaking out behind my back was a better idea?”

“You’d think people as smart as those two would’ve known better,” she said, opening the door to our dorm and leading me inside. “I didn’t want anything to do with it, I knew it wouldn’t work. But James … well, let’s just say he can be very persuasive.” She blushed and smiled in an embarrassed kind of way.

“So what’s going on?” I asked, collapsing onto my bed.

She shook her head. “I don’t know either. But they do this every so often, and from what I can gather it’s nothing bad. They’re not seeing other girls or anything like that, if that’s what you’re worried about. It’s just something they’ve been doing for years and they always go together and they’re out almost till dawn. So you might want to tread gently tomorrow, too, ’cause they’ll be a bit tired I expect.”

“And you just accept that?” I asked. “Not knowing what they’re doing?”

“I trust James,” she said simply. “And I think you should trust Sirius, too.”

“But that’s the problem,” I explained, staring at the bed canopy. “This whole relationship is supposed to be based on trust. But this has got me wondering if he really does trust me.” I shook my head in frustration. “Like I said, it has to go both ways. And now I don’t know what to do.”

Lily nodded. “Yes, I can understand how that would be a sticking point,” she agreed. “But I think it’s really up to you now. If you want to stay with Sirius, you’ll have to take him at his word with this. It’s as simple as that. And he worships the ground you walk on. If you can trust anyone not to hurt you, it’d be him.”

I looked at her helplessly. “It’s just that I’ve been trying so hard, to take things as they are and not get worked up about anything. Because I do trust him, deep down. It just feels …” I trailed off, wondering how I could word it so it didn’t sound petty. “It feels like I’m the one who’s doing all the work here. I’ve been working really hard, because I don’t want it to fail. And now he’s come out and pretty much said, ‘look, it’s all great, only I don’t really trust you.’ It’s like a kick in the guts.”

“I see what you mean,” she said, nodding again. “But I still think it’s worth a try. Put it this way, Laura, there’s a difference between not trusting you and not being able to tell you something. If he says it’s not his secret, then it’s probably not.” I nodded: there was something in that. “Incidentally,” she continued, “how long have you known about the map and the Cloak?”

I considered that. “The night I broke up with Bertram,” I said finally. “Sirius told me about them. Well, he showed me the map, but he told me about the Cloak.”

She looked surprised. “Way back then? He showed you the map?”

I nodded, wondering why that was so strange.

Lily let out a low whistle. “Well, Laura, if that’s not proof he trusts you, I don’t know what is. I didn’t see the map till Hallowe’en.”

I stared at her, surprised. “Really?”

She nodded. “Really. And we’d been together a month by then.”

Stunned, I thought about that. “Thanks Lily,” I said eventually. “I do feel better.”

Sirius sought me out before breakfast the next morning, bags under his eyes and barely able to stifle a yawn. It looked like Lily was right and the boys had in fact been out till dawn, and I had to give him credit for managing a shower and a shave in that state.

“Laura … I’m so sorry about last night,” he said, embracing me so hesitantly I was sure he thought I was going to pull away, and looking at me searchingly. “You’re okay with it though, aren’t you?” He paused. “We’re okay?”

I thought it best to be straight with him. “I don’t like being left in the dark, Sirius. With all that sneaking around behind my back, I felt like you were treating me like Bertram did.” His expression changed from hopeful to dismayed, and I held up a finger as he opened his mouth to protest. “But – Lily pleaded your case. And I think that if she can trust James with whatever it is you’re doing, then I can trust you.”

Relief flooded his face as he pulled me towards him and kissed me gently. “Then we’re all right?”

Ignoring his question, I asked one myself. “When are you going to tell me what it was about?”

“Eventually, I promise,” he said. “It’s just that it’s not my secret and I don’t have permission to tell anyone. Not even you.”

“One of the other three, then,” I said. “Isn’t it? The person whose secret it is, that is.”

He nodded. “Yes. Actually, thinking about it, it’s all of the other three.”

“I can accept that,” I admitted. “Yes, we’re all right. But Sirius –” I pulled back and looked at him again – “next time you’re planning on having one of those nights out, just tell me, all right?”

“I will,” he promised. “You can count on it.”

****

Later that week, I arrived back in the dorm after supper to discover my trunk open and its contents strewn all over my bed and the floor. Gathering them up to put them away, it became very clear very soon that whoever was responsible had also put stink pellets all through my belongings.

“Looks like it’s your turn now, Laura,” Martha said dryly, picking up a shirt and throwing it back to me. “The fan club have been in.”

I made a face as the smell hit me. “Great. I’ve been looking forward to this.”

“But how did they get in?” asked Lily.

“There’s at least a couple in Gryffindor,” said Martha, sorting my clothes from hers on the floor. “Fifth-years, I think.”

“An’ a sixth-year,” added Mary, who was helping me re-pack. “Wendy Savage, if I’m nae mistaken. Eeww, they really go’ ye good, dinna they?” she added, holding one of my jumpers to her nose. “This stinks!”

“The trouble is,” said Lily after a spell, picking up loose clothes from the floor and trying to sort out who they belonged to, “that the smell’s not just on your stuff any more. It’s infected our clothes as well.” She sat on her bed and made a face. “And the bed hangings.”

In fact, it was even in the Gryffindor and Welsh rugby flags on the wall next to my bed – the fan club had done their job well and the five of us were up till two in the morning trying to disinfect everything. As a result we all overslept the next morning, and I was a good half hour later than usual meeting Sirius in the common room. Fortunately it was a Saturday so I wasn’t running late for any classes, but I still wasn’t thrilled: I didn’t like keeping him waiting.

“What took so long?” he asked from his chair by the fire, where he and James were reading discarded editions of the Daily Prophet.

“Overslept. I’m sorry,” I said, not wanting to elaborate. It was my job to deal with the fan club, just as it had been Martha’s two years previously.

Charlotte, however, had other ideas. “Stink pellets,” she said firmly. “Someone put them all through Laura’s trunk. We were up all night cleaning it up.”

The unmistakeable sound of giggling came from a far corner of the room, where Wendy Savage and the two fifth-years we suspected of being in the fan club were evidently watching the results of their actions. Sirius turned swiftly to face them, his expression furious.

“Was that your doing?” he asked harshly, striding over to them and pulling his wand out threateningly. “Stink pellets? Very funny, very mature.” They actually shrank back under his glare. “Listen, did you really think I’d break up with her just because she smelled like something from Zonko’s? What sort of person do you think I am?” He shook his head, obviously still fuming. “And if you’ve got a problem with who I go out with, you take it up with me, not with her, okay?”

The girls nodded, obviously alarmed at this demonstration of his temper, and Martha, who’d been watching the whole encounter, looked like she was even more surprised than they were. “Merlin’s beard,” she muttered. “He’s worse than I thought.”

Sirius had come back to the fire, still looking livid. “Come on, Laura,” he said, grabbing my hand almost roughly, “let’s get out of here. I don’t want to be in the same room as those people.” And he pulled me out the portrait hole, walking so fast that I struggled to keep up with him.

Once we were well clear of the tower he pulled me to one side. “Were you planning on telling me?”

“No,” I admitted. “It wasn’t that big a deal. It happened, we cleaned it up, it’s over.”

“But it shouldn’t have happened,” he said sharply. “They shouldn’t be doing things like that to you.”

I shrugged. “They’ve done it to all your girlfriends,” I pointed out. “Why should I be any different?”

“Because you are different,” he said, putting an arm around me. “I’m not going to put up with it.”

“I think you’re being a bit hypocritical,” I said sternly. “You do things like that to people all the time.”

“That’s me,” he said as though it was obvious. “They can do what they like to me, I don’t care. I’m not important. You are.”

I wasn’t convinced. “Sirius, you can’t be defending me all the time. I’m a big girl, I can look after myself. I don’t need you to fight my battles for me.”

He looked a little hurt. “But I want to,” he said. “If anything happened to you …” His voice trailed off and he kissed my forehead. “But that reminds me,” he went on, suddenly more business-like, “Prongs and I have been talking. We want to teach you – and Lily – how to duel.”

He often changed subjects suddenly like that and it took some getting used to. I blinked. “Duel?”

He nodded, looking very serious. “You need to be able to defend yourselves,” he said. “We won’t always be around to protect you so we’d be happier knowing you’re well equipped to handle what’s out there.”

“Right.” I had to admit my duelling skills weren’t great, and they certainly weren’t a patch on the standard of Sirius and James. “Did you have a particular time in mind or are you just letting me know?”

“We’ve all got Friday afternoons off,” he said. “Probably then. I’ll check with Prongs and if he’s cleared it with Lily we might start this week.”

“Okay,” I agreed. “Friday it is.”

He smiled suddenly and gave me a hug. “Excellent. I’ll tell James we’re good to go. Now, hopefully there’s still some breakfast left, I’m starving.” And we headed off downstairs, trying to catch up with the others who had probably already started on their bacon and eggs.

****

As it turned out, however, Friday wasn’t a good day to start. James got a letter on Tuesday after supper advising him that his father had just died of complications from dragon pox. Lily, who was with him when he read it, told us the story.

“He’s shattered, as you would be,” she said in the dorm. “His dad wasn’t young, but James is an only child so they were pretty close.”

“Did he even know he was ill?” asked Charlotte.

Lily shook her head. “I don’t know about you, but I don’t get told if either of my parents has something relatively minor wrong with them. Coughs, colds, the flu, even measles, they don’t tell me. It seems Mrs Potter thought he’d just get over it, so she didn’t mention it to James in case he got worried unnecessarily.” She paused, her green eyes wet. “But he was rather old and apparently his body didn’t react well. By the time they got him to St Mungo’s, it was too late.”

Martha had clambered over her bed and put an arm around Lily. “Did you want to go to James?”

“No, he wants to be alone with Sirius for a bit,” she said, looking at me. “I can understand that. I was a bit the same when I found out about Mum. Anyway, we’re catching the Knight Bus tomorrow for the funeral, we should be back on Friday.”

I nodded: Sirius was going too. As the surrogate second son to the Potters, he was just as upset as James was by the news. He had wanted me to go too but Hogwarts regulations said I couldn’t leave the school without my parents’ permission, and when I used McGonagall’s Floo fire to ask them they fulfilled my expectations and denied their consent. As I’d noted before, Dad saw NEWTs as the most important part of my schooling career, and missing three days of lessons was, as far as he was concerned, unacceptable, especially considering that all they knew about Mr Potter was that I’d come back from his house at Christmas time decidedly unhappy. I accepted it, but I didn’t like it – it was a heartbreaking side effect of having to keep it all a secret from them.

It was harder than I’d thought it would be, being at school without Sirius. He’d always been there, for better or worse, and it’s funny how used to things you get. I found myself looking for him in the classes we shared, and in the common room, even though I knew that he wouldn’t be there. However, it did let me spend some time with Mary, and get my homework finished, and I was completely up to date when he, Lily and James finally got back on Friday afternoon. Which was probably just as well considering how much trouble I had tearing myself away from him. Homework, I had discovered, generally took a back seat when he was around – it always seemed we had more important things to be getting on with.

“How was it?” I probably should have been asking James, it was his father’s funeral after all, but he wasn’t the one I was concerned about.

“It would have been easier if you were there,” Sirius said quietly, holding me tightly. “But at least we got to say goodbye.”

“How are you doing?” I asked, pulling back to look at him and putting my hand on his cheek.

“I’m all right,” he said. “It’s just so … final.”

I nodded sympathetically and gave him a quick squeeze. “And Mrs Potter?”

“Holding up. Probably not so well now Prongs is back here, but we can’t do much about that.” We followed Lily and James’ example and looked for an empty classroom somewhere so we could catch up properly.

We had found it hard to get much privacy. The common room wasn’t exactly designed with that in mind and besides, Wendy Savage and her cronies were always hanging around. I’d not been invited into the boys’ dorm yet, and knew that invitation – if coming at all – would most probably be months away; and anyway three other people lived there and it wasn’t fair to kick them out. Sirius refused to tell me how they’d got into our dorm so that wasn’t an option, and besides there were four other people living there as well. And while empty classrooms with Imperturbable Charms on the door were a decent alternative, any teacher worth their salt could break the charm and come in anyway, as we had discovered with McGonagall. The best option for not getting caught was the secret passageway behind the mirror on the fourth floor, but it was used fairly often by the boys and some other students who knew about it, and so was more of a last resort.

We didn’t get very far with our trysts anyway. It was still winter and any disused classrooms and secret passages didn’t have fires or anything in them so were icy cold, and hot air charms always seemed to run out at the most inopportune times. If we tried to light a fire in the grate it would invariably summon Filch (he must have had an alarm set on them or something) which meant that wasn’t really an option either. So no matter what people thought we might have been getting up to, the reality was that anywhere we went that had a scrap of privacy, we were more often than not troubled by the cold and therefore kept relatively bundled up.

Regardless of what we actually did, however, the fan club let their imaginations run wild and often pestered me with questions, probably on Elvira’s instructions but as she wasn’t talking to me any more I couldn’t be sure. “Is it true,” Carol Jones asked one day, “that he’s got his belly button pierced?”

“Of course,” I lied. “Twice, once on each side. And he’s got a chain that connects them, and if you pull on it he gets turned on.”

Another day it was a sixth-year Ravenclaw whose name I didn’t know. “Does he really have a tattoo of a manticore on his shoulderblade?”

I smiled. “No, but he does have one on his left bicep that says ‘Mother’.” From the look on her face, she didn’t even get the joke.

Occasionally these stories got back to Sirius one way or another. He thought it was hilarious and very happily invented all sorts of body art and birthmarks for me to tell them about. It got to the point that the fan club had no idea what to believe any more, which suited us just fine.

Of course they made things up as well which evened it out a bit, though their efforts sounded remarkably like Turpin Tales and were just as believable. In fact, some of them may have actually been Turpin Tales for all I knew, considering I’d never been the subject of one before and so didn’t have any experiences to compare it with.

“Jus’ so ye know,” Mary told me one day, “th’ lates’ story I’ve hear’ is tha’ ye’re pregnant an’ it’s nae Sirius’.”

“Lovely,” I said wryly. “Though if I was, you’d think I might’ve known about it.”

“Aye, ye’d have t’ be shaggin’ t’ ge’ pregnant, wouldna ye?” she grinned. “Anyway, Elvira’s nou callin’ ye ‘Whore-a’ because o’ it. So if ye hear tha’, tha’s where it started.”

The nickname didn’t last long once James and Sirius got wind of it, but it did take some getting used to, having things like this said about me. Being the subject of rumours and innuendo that weren’t to do with Bea was an unpleasant reality that I’d never properly experienced before, but while I found it wearing and occasionally upsetting there wasn’t much I could do about it without breaking it off with Sirius. And that wasn’t an option.

Naturally, there were also stories about Sirius, which people ensured reached my ears. I heard one day that he was working his way through the sixth-years – of both genders – behind my back, each conquest becoming another notch on his bedpost. I was also reliably informed that he and I had been caught shagging in a broom cupboard on the second floor by Dumbledore himself and been set separate detentions as a result, but I’d also heard that about Lily and James and I knew that wasn’t true either. Each tale became progressively more wild and outlandish (threesome with a hag and a Roonspoor, anyone?) and I found it incredible that even the most gullible first-year would believe them, let alone Sirius or me.

****

That weekend our attention was caught when the delivery owl dropped my Sunday Prophet on the breakfast table. My mouth dropped when I saw the headline. “Oh Merlin.”

Sirius looked up from his scrambled eggs. “What is it?”

“They’ve killed Nobby Leach!” Leach was a former Minister who had promoted Muggle rights during his reign, and had been found dead in his home the previous evening, the Dark Mark prominent in the sky above.

“You’re kidding,” he said seriously. “But why? He hasn’t been Minister for, what, ten years?”

James looked at us from across the table, his expression dark. “They’re taking out all the blood traitors, one by one,” he said. “I’ll be surprised if they don’t go after us eventually, Padfoot.”

Sirius glanced at James and then back at me. “Make sure your dad’s okay, won’t you?” He’d never even met my father but was as concerned for his welfare as I was.

“He’s pretty cautious,” I said, hoping it wasn’t obvious how worried I was. As the daughter of a police officer I was used to living with some uncertainty, but my family had never been specifically targeted before. “I’m sure he’ll be fine.” I quickly turned the page, looking for some better news.

Of course, before long we were poring over the list of that week’s dead, disappeared and tortured. Some we already knew about: Cadmus Branstone had been taken out of school on Thursday following the murder of his father, and Daisy Hookum, a redheaded Hufflepuff a couple of years below us who was going out with Charlotte’s brother Clarrie, had also lost a parent – her mother was tortured and left for dead in a field somewhere in Northumberland.

“Agnes Chittock,” Lily read from her seat opposite me. “Cursed so her head is covered in fur and she barks instead of speaking.” I had to admire her ability to read upside down like that. “That’s horrific. Do you think she’s related to Glenda?” Glenda Chittock was a loudmouthed Hufflepuff in about third year, so talkative and obnoxious that even we knew who she was.

“Possibly,” agreed James. “Though if she talks as much as Glenda, they might have done the world a favour.”

“Look at that one,” said Charlotte from next to me, her porridge forgotten. “Curtis Sloper and family, found dead with the Dark Mark over their house. Wasn’t he Eileen Sloper’s dad?” Eileen had been a Chaser on the Gryffindor Quidditch team two years previously; Clarrie Trimble had taken her spot after she graduated.

“Looks like it,” I said. “They’ve got them listed here, Eileen’s name is definitely there. Ugh, that’s awful. She was so young! Didn’t even survive a year after graduation.” We’d all known Eileen, James better than anyone, and a cold uncomfortable feeling descended on us.

“Blimey, a Vaisey,” said Peter, like Lily trying to read upside down. “That’s strange, he’s a Slytherin.” Gilbert Vaisey was a quiet Slytherin boy in our year.

“Maurice Vaisey, found dead outside his home,” Sirius read aloud. “Maybe he tried to opt out of the Death Eaters,” he added. “Some people get cold feet, I’ve heard, and I doubt you can just hand Voldemort your resignation.”

“Not all Slytherins become Death Eaters,” James pointed out. “Maybe they tried to recruit him and he refused. Or maybe he’s a blood traitor like you and me, Padfoot.”

“True, true,” agreed Remus from Sirius’ other side. “What’s that one? I can’t make it out.” He reached across and pointed to a name near the bottom of the page.

“Berenice Shingleton,” I read. “Disappeared without a trace on Tuesday. You think she’s related to Gaspard?” Shingleton, a Ravenclaw, had graduated the previous year.

“Wouldn’t surprise me,” Lily said seriously. “Gaspard was pretty smart, if she’s anything like him they could have kidnapped her to try to get her to work for them. That’s if she wasn’t recruited, I suppose.”

“Yeah, I’ve heard that some of those disappearances are due to them turning,” Martha agreed. “They get taken off to little Death Eater camps and brainwashed. Either that or they’re just not game to show their faces any more in decent society.”

Flippant as it sounded, Martha’s comment lightened the mood and we finished breakfast feeling a little better than we had previously. James and Sirius, however, were still deep in thought and held Lily and me back as we moved to stand up.

“We definitely need to start those duelling lessons,” James said gravely. “This Friday, after lunch. Book it in. And if we can get one done sooner we will.”

“How’s the homework situation?” Sirius asked. “Can you spare an hour or two today?”

Lily and I looked at each other. I had a Potions essay to finish and a Charms assignment that just needed proof-reading so I was probably okay, especially considering I had two free periods on Monday mornings. “It’s fine with me,” I said.

“Me too,” Lily agreed firmly.

“Right, then, just after lunch? I’ll see if I can get us a spare classroom.” James was all business and as Head Boy would undoubtedly be able to find us somewhere appropriate. Lily and I nodded our agreement, and the boys looked at each other and grinned.

James and Sirius were as good as their word, and after lunch Lily and I were led to a large disused classroom on the third floor. “I’ve cleared it with McGonagall,” James explained on the way up. “Said we needed it for some practical exercises before our NEWTs. Which I suppose is true, in a way. And we want to be absolutely clear,” he went on, looking at us sternly, “that this is only as a last resort. We don’t want either of you joining in a fight if you don’t absolutely have to.”

“We’re starting with the basic stuff,” Sirius added. “Disarming, Impediment Jinx, Shield Charm, that sort of thing. Just to make sure you’ve got it all down pat before we move on to the harder ones.”

“And Padfoot’ll be partnering you, Lils, and I’ll be partnering Laura,” James went on, grinning. “For some reason we’re particularly keen to hex you two.”

We could already cast these spells reasonably well but the boys wanted to hone our timing, reaction speed and spell strength, and after a couple of hours they appeared pleased with our improvement. “Doing well,” James said as I threw him back his wand. I’d managed to Disarm him and had even hit him with an Impediment Jinx when he had his guard up. My Shield Charm had held up against the first half dozen hexes he threw at it, but I’d not been able to shatter his no matter what I tried. It was, however, progress.

Finally they deemed the lesson over. “Right, well done,” said James, smiling broadly as we sat down, exhausted, on some old chairs. “You’re both doing really well. Back here after lunch on Friday?”

“Sure,” Lily panted. This sort of thing was very tiring, we were discovering. I just nodded my agreement.

“Good,” said Sirius, also smiling. “We’ll get you trained up properly yet.”

________________________________________

46
The year was wearing on, and with twice weekly duelling lessons, exams getting ever closer and our workloads increasing with equal velocity, I was discovering just how difficult it could be to stay on top of your homework when your boyfriend is constantly within easy reach. I was soon in grave danger of falling behind, but I couldn’t drag myself away from him for long enough to actually finish an assignment without being distracted – when it was just the two of us, it was unnervingly easy to forget that other people even existed.

This all probably wasn’t helped by the fact that Sirius stopped going to Professor Slughorn’s parties, arguing that even aside from the fact that Slughorn still didn’t know my name, with the amount of homework we had he couldn’t justify spending his very limited free time with a teacher instead of with me. While I agreed with the sentiment, it did mean that the free night I might have had every fortnight or so, in which I could have tried to get on top of everything, was taken away. Most agreeably so, admittedly, but still I could probably have used that time in a more productive way, at least in the way that my dad would have defined the word ‘productive’. Even when we made a point of studying as part of a group so that we might actually get something done, things had a habit of turning against us. An example of this happened one evening in the second week of February.

After supper on the night in question Sirius and I went up to the common room along with James, Lily, Remus and Peter to get some homework done, turfing out some second-years from our favourite spot by the fire so we could take up residence. I wanted to finish my Potions essay and so headed to the dorm to get the textbooks and notes I would need, taking longer than usual because my copy of Advanced Potion-Making had managed to drop right down to the bottom of my trunk. When I came back down the stairs, Sirius was on the couch with a mouthful of pink bubbles and the others were trying unsuccessfully not to laugh.

I sat down next to him, my arms full of books and parchment. “What happened?”

“Wendy Savage,” Peter chortled. “That sixth-year giggler. Just sat down right on Padfoot’s lap and tried to snog him.”

Sirius was shaking his head. “Got the tongue in and everything,” he said ruefully, bubbles floating away from him as he spoke. “She caught me off guard.”

“Ugh,” I said, my head spinning around to look for the girl in question, who was sitting in a corner looking distinctly disgruntled. “But why the pink bubbles?”

Remus smiled broadly. “We had to Scourgify him,” he said. “He wanted to get rid of the taste.”

“I think the idea was that you would come down the stairs and catch them at it, so you’d think he was cheating on you and break it off,” James explained, chuckling. “Aside from the bonus of her getting a snog, of course. But you took too long and he got rid of her before you came down.”

I shook my head in frustration – sometimes it felt like they’d try anything to break us up, and it could be a bit wearing – as James conjured a goblet and filled it using Aguamenti so Sirius could rinse his mouth out.

“Thanks, Prongs,” he muttered as the last of the soap bubbles floated away. “Who knew she’d try something like that?”

“Don’t tell me you’re surprised,” Peter said reasonably. “It’s not like it hasn’t happened before. You just weren’t expecting it.”

“He’s right,” Remus agreed, still smiling. “They just needed someone else with enough guts to carry it off. Which apparently Wendy Savage has.”

Lily was shaking her head. “I can’t believe I went out with her brother,” she muttered.

“Nah, Lance was all right,” I said. “He can’t help what his sister’s like.” After all, I was the last person who should be judging someone based on their sister’s character.

Sirius was making a face. “It’s still there,” he said, looking at me. “Right, Laura, you have to fix this. Get the taste of her out of my mouth, the last thing I want is to be tasting Wendy Savage all night.”

I knew what that meant. Smiling (I admit a little triumphantly), I looked over at where Wendy was watching what was going on by the fire with disappointment and frustration etched on her face. Putting my books down on the couch next to me, I moved onto his lap and kissed him deeply.

After a minute or two I pulled away and grinned at him, before turning to Peter who was making gagging noises. “You shut up, I was doing a public service,” I scolded, though I was still smiling.

“Yeah, but did it have to take so long?” he complained.

“Of course it did,” I said. “I had to make sure I got in everywhere. You never know just where she might have contaminated.” James, Lily and Remus laughed as I turned back to Sirius, who was suppressing a smile. “Did it work?”

He considered, his tongue moving around inside his mouth. “You know, I think it did. Thanks.” He smiled at me.

“Good,” I said, successfully (though with difficulty) resisting the temptation to stay just where I was and repeat the treatment, and getting off him. “Maybe now I can finish that Potions essay?”

****

And then, just in case we didn’t have enough distractions to take us away from our studies, before we knew it Valentines Day was upon us. Unfortunately, though, February fourteenth was on a Tuesday that year, so any activity was tempered by the fact we had to attend classes.

As I got dressed that morning I looked at the racy underwear the girls had bought me for my birthday the previous year, wondering if I should put it on. After all, it was Valentines Day, and I suspected Sirius would appreciate the extra effort. In the end, however, after thinking about it a little longer, I opted not to – for the top half, at least. Much as he would appreciate the nice bra, I reasoned, he would appreciate no bra that much more. And, as had been pointed out before, they were small enough that I could easily get away with going without it for one day.

As I expected, he greeted me in the common room before breakfast with a soft kiss and a promise that there would be more to come. “I know we’re going out tonight,” he whispered, “but we can probably make the most of today as well, don’t you think?”

I grinned, thinking, you don’t know the half of it. And on the way downstairs to breakfast I pulled him into an empty classroom and put his hand underneath my shirt. “A little surprise for you,” I whispered as his eyes opened wide with surprise and a broad smile appeared on his face.

“This is for me?”

“Well, it’s not like I did it for James,” I pointed out. “And I thought you’d like to know.”

He dropped his head down towards mine so our foreheads were resting on each other, his hands busy underneath my shirt. “Oh, Laura,” he whispered. “That’s just … that’s just …” His voice trailed off, but I knew I’d had the desired effect.

Suddenly he stopped, straightened up and spoke again, his voice stern this time. “But you shouldn’t have told me now,” he said. “I’m not going to be able to concentrate on anything today. Not now I know.”

I just reached up and kissed him, a smile on my face as well. “I thought that was a risk worth taking.”

Sirius did indeed look like he was having trouble concentrating in Transfiguration, which we had first thing after breakfast. Even Professor McGonagall noticed how distracted he was and singled him out on more than one occasion to make sure he was actually paying attention. It got so bad that on the way to Herbology James started quizzing him about it.

“What’s with you today, Padfoot?” he asked as we all made our way towards the greenhouses.

Sirius just shook his head. “Maybe later,” he said. “Let’s just say I’ve got something else on my mind.”

James looked at me questioningly, his eyebrows raised, but I put on my most innocent expression and pretended not to know what he was talking about. After all, like I’d told Sirius, it wasn’t like I’d done it for him.

Finally Herbology finished and Sirius and I had nothing until after lunch, so we headed as quickly as we could to somewhere a little more private so we could have some time alone. I followed him to the third floor where he led me to a statue of a humpbacked witch, tapping it with his wand and saying, “Dissendium.”

I looked at him as the witch came away from the wall to reveal another secret passageway. “Is this an internal passage or one that goes to Hogsmeade?” I asked.

“Hogsmeade,” he responded as we went inside and lit our wands. “Um, Honeydukes, this one leads to. But I don’t think we’ll be disturbed here with any luck. Now,” he went on, turning to me as the door closed behind us, “where were we?”

I pulled him towards me and kissed him as deeply as I could, wanting to make the most of our first Valentines Day together. He responded in kind but his hands were busy as we kissed, unfastening my black school robes and easing them off my shoulders to reveal the white shirt underneath.

There he stopped, and I looked at him, somewhat surprised that my shirt hadn’t received the same treatment. After all, it wasn’t like it was the first time he’d seen my breasts, though other occasions had been a little rushed as we battled against school timetables and the risk of being caught in whatever liaison spot we had found. I had no intention of being sprung half naked in an abandoned classroom by Professor McGonagall.

Sirius looked at my undoubtedly confused expression and smiled mischievously. “We’ve got over an hour,” he pointed out, “and I want to savour this.” And he pulled out his wand, pointed it at my shirt and said, “Aguamenti.”

I grinned. Of course. He was going for the wet t-shirt effect, and the thin white shirt responded admirably. I was drenched to the skin but it was incredibly erotic, and I just stood there as he slowly unbuttoned my shirt, opening it to reveal only an inch or so of skin across my chest as the wet fabric clung to the rest of me like it was painted on, and then dropping to his knees and resting his face against it.

If I was honest, whenever I’d read about a scene like this in a romance novel I’d always wondered what the girl did on these occasions. But at that point, as I stood there and ran my fingers through his hair, I knew. You just enjoyed it. After all, it’s not every day that you can reduce someone to their most animal instincts and it gave me a feeling of power and accomplishment, as well as goosebumps all over. If we’d been sleeping together by this point I knew that would have been how it would have ended up.

Eventually he pulled away for just long enough to conjure up some cushions for the floor that we could lie on, and peeled my wet shirt off me as he propelled me backwards. His wand soon ended up on the floor, though, as he turned his attention back to me. If only this could last forever, I thought, this was what it was all about. I didn’t even mind when his hands started to move further down, as it felt like something I actually wanted to do just then.

But then, all of a sudden, he stopped and pulled away from me. I looked at him – what had happened? Had I done something wrong?

“What?” I asked, not sure if I wanted to hear the answer. “It’s not lunch time already, is it?”

He was sitting up by now, separated from me by at least a couple of feet. “I’m sorry, Laura, but we have to stop this. Now.”

“Why?” I asked, confused.

He just shook his head. “Believe me, we have to stop this. Otherwise …” His voice trailed off again, but I had a good idea of what he meant. He wasn’t sure he’d be able to stop if we kept going, and even though it was something I had been actively considering I knew that right then, in that tunnel, wasn’t when I wanted that to happen.

“Okay. Sure, that’s fine.” I pulled my shirt back on and reached for my wand to do a hot air charm to dry it off.

He was still sitting apart from me, not looking at me as he shook his head. “I’m sorry,” he said with obvious regret. “You’re just too …”

“Too what?” I didn’t mean to ask the question but it was out of my mouth before I could stop it.

He just shook his head. “Too …. you.”

****

That night, James and Sirius had arranged to take Lily and me into Hogsmeade for a drink after supper in further recognition of the day. We sat in the common room with Remus and Peter, the Marauder’s Map spread open on the table in front of us, waiting for patrols to end in the appropriate corridors so we could make our way to the mirror on the fourth floor, behind which was the roomiest of the many secret passageways into the village. We wouldn’t all fit underneath the Invisibility Cloak so this was seen as the best way of managing it.

I had discovered that day, as Clio probably had the previous year, that as Sirius’ girlfriend I received a number of cards purporting to be from various boys in my year. However, the fact that I knew the handwriting of many of the boys in question and these didn’t match, and that several were written in the same hand and with the same scented purple ink, told me that Elvira and the fan club were responsible. I supposed they thought that if I had another offer I might dump Sirius and take it up. Yeah, right, like that was going to happen. I’d left him once, and it had almost killed me. I had no intention of doing it again.

Peter had received a card that day from a girl called Doris, apparently a sixth-year Hufflepuff, and was fussing about whether she was up to his lofty standards, and if he should invite her to Hogsmeade as well. We couldn’t properly offer advice – whether to let a girl in on some of their lesser secrets (like where the tunnels were) was by agreement the decision of the boy concerned – but James and Sirius let slip that it was probably a bit early on in the relationship, if you could even call it that, to be doing that sort of thing.

Remus had received half a dozen or so cards and was looking rather pleased with himself. He knew that some of them were from the fan club, looking for a way in to get close to Sirius, but Charlotte had given him one and so had a couple of other girls in our year, and he had a bit of a grin on his face as he put them in his bag, one by one. For some reason he seemed determined not to act on any of them, but like anyone else he appreciated the ego trip.

“How many cards did you get, Padfoot?” asked James, watching Remus with his collection.

“Didn’t count,” Sirius said unconcernedly. There was a wastepaper basket next to his seat and every time another owl arrived with a card he just threw it away without opening it. Part of me was secretly amazed and rather impressed by how blasé he was about the whole thing. “There was only one that I was interested in.” He grinned at me.

“At least there were no chocolates this year,” smiled Remus.

Sirius groaned. “Tell me about it. But Peter had an interesting time, didn’t he?” The groan disappeared and the boys shared a laugh, Peter appearing so embarrassed it looked like he was searching for a cushion to hide beneath. Lily and I just looked at each other, confused.

“Padfoot got some chocolates last year with a love potion in them,” James explained, smiling broadly. “From Greta Catchlove, you know, the blonde Ravenclaw who keeps trying to hex Laura in Potions.”

“Otherwise known as Deputy Chief Giggler,” Sirius elaborated, grimacing a little.

“Thing was,” Remus continued, a smirk crossing his otherwise pleasant face, “he didn’t eat them, knowing what might be in store. Chucked them out without opening them. He was still with Clio, after all. But Wormtail saw them in the bin and, not realising why they were there, took them out again and had some!”

“He ran off towards the Ravenclaw common room,” said Sirius, now laughing, “going on and on about how wonderful Greta was and how much he loved her. It was hilarious.”

“Yeah, he ended up scratching at the entrance to Ravenclaw Tower, trying desperately to get in,” James went on, ignoring Peter who was very obviously getting more embarrassed by the second. “But he couldn’t work out the answer to the question. So Moony found Hector Bole nearby and talked him into going inside and telling Greta that there was a Gryffindor bloke out in the hall trying to get in to her.”

“Apparently she couldn’t get out fast enough,” laughed Remus. “Tripped over Elvira Vablatsky, of all people, in her rush to the door. And Prongs and I were waiting outside, under the Invisibility Cloak, watching for her reaction when she opened the door and saw Pete instead of Sirius!”

“You can imagine the look on her face,” said James. “Absolutely priceless. Looked everywhere for Padfoot and then it finally dawned why Wormtail was fawning all over her. Got what she deserved, though – you can’t go around slipping people love potions.”

“Too right,” agreed Peter, clearly thankful that the conversation had turned from laughing at him to having a go at Greta for her methods of finding a boyfriend.

“Did you say anything to her?” Lily asked Sirius, wiping tears of laughter from her eyes.

“Nup, I wasn’t even there,” he replied, putting his arm around me. “I’d gone to find Clio. It was Valentines, after all. Not that she was that keen on seeing me, from memory,” he went on. “I was in a bit of a bad mood that day.”

“That’s right,” I said, remembering. “You were in a foul mood for ages. Clio thought it was her fault.”

“Yes, I know,” he said with a grin. “It wasn’t, of course, but we ended up breaking up over it anyway. Though that turned out to be a good thing.” He leaned in and kissed my cheek.

“Right,” said James suddenly and with authority, his eyes on the map. “Filch has left the fourth floor and is now patrolling the third, so it should be safe for us to make it to the passage without being caught. Dumbledore’s in his office so I dare say he’s out for the night. Slughorn’s on duty tonight and he’s still on the ground floor, and Mrs Clay is on the sixth floor, but she’s on the northern side so we’ll probably be all right. Shall we?” He stood up and offered Lily his arm. Sirius did the same with me, and, waving, we headed out the portrait hole for a night out.

****

We learned soon enough the next morning that Peter had been right not to invite Doris into Hogsmeade that night. He sought her out at breakfast time, only to discover that she had sent him the card after losing a bet and was mortified that he had taken it at all seriously.

“Typical,” said Sirius when Peter returned to the Gryffindor table looking disappointed. His voice was steady but I could tell he was trying his hardest to stifle a grin, let alone a laugh. He was right, though, that sort of thing was typical of Peter’s love life. I knew how he felt, though – only two years earlier I’d been asked to dance at the Yule Ball for much the same reason, so I was a little more feeling to his plight than Sirius and James perhaps were.

“Don’t worry about it,” Sirius told me, leading me away just after I had offered Peter some words of encouragement. “He’ll get over it soon enough. It’s not like this sort of thing hasn’t happened before.”

“Yeah, but the more it happens the harder it is to get over,” I pointed out. “He was so hopeful!”

Sirius laughed. “That he was,” he agreed. “Quite funny to watch, actually. Now,” he went on, “I was thinking after we got back last night …”

Oh yes? This could lead anywhere. “What about?”

“I think it’s time you were invited into the inner sanctum,” he said as we wandered down the stairs towards the Potions classroom. “Saturday okay with you?”

The inner sanctum? That had to mean the dorm, the infamous Marauders’ Den. “Are you sure?”

He nodded. “Absolutely. In fact, it probably shouldn’t have taken this long.”

This was interesting. I knew that none of his previous girlfriends had received this invitation, and I also knew that I hadn’t even outlasted Dione Turpin at this point, let alone Martha or Clio. I hadn’t really expected an invitation this side of graduation, let alone this side of Easter, they were that strict about their privacy. (Even though Lily had been inside, James was that keen on her we all saw it as a special case. Girlfriends just didn’t go there.) Maybe Lily and Martha were actually right. Or maybe he had ulterior motives …

I punched his arm. “Sirius Black, are you just trying to get me into bed?”

He grinned. “Of course I am. Why else would I ask you upstairs like that?” He put his arm around me and gave me a squeeze, his voice suddenly more serious. “I hope you don’t really think that’s all I’m after, though, Laura.”

I hugged him back. “Not really. And it’d probably be a bit unfair if I did. Let’s face it, going slowly – not that we still are, but we started off that way – that was your idea.”

Sirius arranged for the dorm to be empty for the whole period between lunch and supper, though he acknowledged an arrangement like that could never be absolutely foolproof so there was always the vague possibility of an interruption. On the day in question he led me up the stairs, tapping the handle with his wand to unlock the door.

It was just as Mary had described though rather neater, and I suspected there had been a bit of a clean-up before my arrival. The bikini babe pictures had gone from the wall (I was unsure whether that was permanent or temporary, but I wasn’t about to ask), but the motorbikes and Quidditch posters were still there, and there was definitely a shrine to Lily next to what had to be James’ bed. I wondered idly if he took it down when she came in or if she was just used to it by now. On the back of the door was pinned a well-thumbed piece of parchment, yellowed and fading, on which their strongly-held code of honour was written. Curious, I paused and read it. It was surprisingly short, for something that held so much sway, but it did seem to cover everything:

THE MARAUDER’S CODE

1. Secrets may (and should) be shared within the group, but not outside. You may only tell someone another Marauder’s secrets with their express permission.
2. Loyalty to the other Marauders must outrank loyalty to any other person.
3. Any girlfriends – past, present or hoped-for – are automatically off limits to the other three. Past girlfriends may occasionally be approached ONLY with the original boy’s approval.
4. All attempts to get a girl must be supported (though jokes are permissible).
5. Jinxing anyone needs a good reason. Unless they’re a Slytherin.

Under this last point something had been scrawled, probably much later than the original text was put down, and in what looked like James’ handwriting. And jinxing Snivellus doesn’t need a reason at all. I stifled a giggle.

Sirius saw me looking at it. “That’s years old now,” he said with a shrug. “We should probably take it down before it falls down, we all know it by heart anyway.”

“You really take all this seriously, don’t you,” I commented.

He shrugged again. “It’s what you do for your friends,” he said simply. “I wouldn’t have thought it was that unusual.” He changed the subject by steering me to one of the beds, the one with pictures of motorbikes on the wall next to it. I’d already picked that one as his, even without the decorations – there was something about the way it was all set up that just said, ‘Sirius’.

“Anyway,” he went on, sneaking a kiss on my forehead, then pushing me backwards onto his bed and leaning over me seductively, “I don’t think you came up here to talk about them, did you?”

I laughed. “No, probably not.”

He grinned mischievously, pulling the curtains closed around us, bathing everything in a scarlet glow. “Just what I wanted to hear.”

****

I sought out Mary in the common room a week or two later – it had been ages since we’d had a proper chat. “I’ve barely seen you lately, young lady,” I chastised her, sitting down at the rickety table where she was struggling with Herbology homework. “Where have you been hiding?”

She grinned. “Aye, ’cause ye’ve bin sittin’ twiddlin’ yer thumbs lookin’ fer me, richt? Or hae ye bin busy too?”

I blushed. “Maybe. Just a little. But?”

“Okay, I’ve bin spendin’ a lo’ o’ time in Ravenclaw Too’er,” she admitted. “They can be verra good t’ dae homework wi’, they know a lo’ an’ they’re happy t’ share.”

“That sounds familiar,” I admitted. “So why aren’t you there tonight?”

She grimaced. “Seb doesna dae Herbology,” she explained. “An’ if I’m in here then, who knows, ye micht tak’ pity on me an’ help oot.” The grimace disappearing, she looked up and winked at me.

I took the hint. “I’m sorry, Mary, I’ve been ignoring you, haven’t I?”

“Nae more than I’ve bin ignorin’ ye,” she said with a grin. “Bu’ a’ leas’ we can gossip after we go t’ bed.”

“Only if you’re in bed before I go to sleep,” I pointed out.

“Or if ye’re back afore I go t’ sleep,” she threw back. I grinned guiltily – she did have a point. “Anyway,” she went on, “wha’s th’ deal t’nicht? Why are ye nae wi’ Sirius?”

I smiled again. “He’s out with the boys. Took off with James and Peter an hour or so ago.”

She nodded. “Tha’s one o’ those nichts ye were tellin’ me aboot, richt?” she asked. “When ye said ye had t’ tak’ a leap o’ faith bu’ ye didna think he was doin’ anythin’ too bad.”

I nodded too, thankful that I didn’t need to say anything else. Mary had heard all about the mini-fight the previous month, but agreed with Lily that I needed to take Sirius at his word. Then again, I suspected none of them wanted us to break up again – that might be too much for anyone to deal with, us included.

“It is good, in a way,” I admitted. “I can catch up on some homework, which you may have noticed is falling by the wayside a bit.” I smiled wickedly. “And, if you’re around, I can bug you.”

“Or help wi’ Herbology,” she said pointedly.

I conceded defeat. “Okay, you’ve talked me into it,” I said, pulling my own Herbology books out of my bag. “What are you having trouble with?”

________________________________________

47
Despite the fact that we were all growing up and should be past petty schoolyard rivalries, the hostility Sirius and James had with Severus Snape hadn’t settled down much at all – as demonstrated by the addition to their code – and they rarely let go any opportunity to hex one another, especially if Lily wasn’t around. While I didn’t exactly approve of this behaviour, it was usually something I could ignore if I wanted to (and let’s face it, I didn’t really want to think about someone like Snape any more than was absolutely necessary). Sometimes, however, I was drawn into it as well, as was demonstrated when Sirius and I were late leaving Potions on Wednesday morning due to Snape deliberately knocking our table on his way out so that half our ingredients ended up on the floor. Professor Slughorn, noticing we were the last to leave, bustled over just as we pulled our bags onto our shoulders.

“Sirius!” he beamed, completely ignoring me as usual. “It seems so long since we’ve had a proper chat. You haven’t been to any of my little suppers lately.” He paused as his eyes followed Sirius’ arm resting on my shoulders, and I saw what could only be described as shock registering on his face. Naturally he hadn’t noticed before, though – it had only been a couple of months, after all, and I wasn’t in the Slug Club so there was a good chance he couldn’t understand why Sirius had even noticed me. “I’m sure Miss Campbell would be happy to let you have one night out.”

“With all due respect, Professor,” Sirius said with exaggerated politeness, “that’s why I haven’t been coming.” Slughorn looked confused. “You’ve been teaching her for almost seven years and you still don’t know what her name is,” Sirius explained. “I think everyone deserves that little bit of respect.”

“Come tomorrow night,” Slughorn said, seemingly unfazed and ignoring me again. “Eight o’clock. We have some very special guests joining us for the gathering – your cousin Bellatrix and her husband. I thought you and Regulus would enjoy having a little reunion with her. Particularly you, since you see so little of her these days.”

Sirius’ face closed off abruptly and he turned towards the door. “Thanks, sir, but not this week.”

Professor Slughorn was looking disappointed as we left the dungeon, but Sirius was doing a very good job of ignoring him so I followed suit. Heading back upstairs, I gave him a friendly jab on the arm. “What, you don’t want to see Cousin Bellatrix?”

“Not particularly,” he said sourly. “Last time I saw her she almost killed me. And she married Rodolphus Lestrange, who I’m pretty sure is a Death Eater. Let’s just say that Slughorn has interesting taste in guests. I’m surprised Dumbledore is allowing it.”

“Worst case scenario I’m sure we could organise you a detention for tomorrow night,” I smiled, trying to improve his mood.

“That may not be a bad idea,” he agreed, smiling again, the bitterness thankfully dissipating. “Anyway, for a second I thought he might actually invite you to come along as well, to try to get me there. But no, he just wanted you to give me permission to go. Getting your name wrong in the process.”

I laughed. “Made a nice change, though. Campbell. I’ve gone from Irish to Scottish!”

As it turned out a detention wasn’t necessary, as Sirius simply ensured he was nowhere to be found when it was time for James, Lily and Charlotte to leave for Professor Slughorn’s office the following evening. That is, he was in a disused classroom with me making the most of a little privacy, an Imperturbable Charm on the door to minimise our chances of interruption, and we didn’t go back to Gryffindor Tower until it was well past eight o’clock.

This turned out to be a wise move on Sirius’ part. Lily and James came back to the tower well before the usual finishing time for Slughorn’s parties, both looking furious. They stormed over to where we were doing some homework with Peter, Remus and Martha by the fire.

“I cannot believe Slughorn allowed that,” Lily fumed.

“Allowed what?” asked Martha, putting down her Astronomy textbook.

“Bellatrix Lestrange,” glowered James, his glasses halfway down his nose. “And bloody Rodolphus. Sorry to speak badly of your family, Padfoot –”

Sirius looked surprised. “Don’t apologise, I know what she’s like,” he said shortly. “Black by name, black by nature. Just like the rest of them. Doesn’t matter if she’s married, she still counts.” He paused, his expression dark. “And don’t forget, I know first hand what she’s capable of.”

James nodded savagely. “Yeah, well, they just tried to recruit us,” he snarled, adjusting his glasses with a very ugly look on his face. “Death Eaters, trying to recruit us for Voldemort. Can you believe it?”

I was lost for words, and by the looks of things so were the others. Remus found his voice first. “They tried to recruit you?”

Lily just about had steam coming out of her ears. “Yes. Us! At Hogwarts, right under Dumbledore’s nose. The nerve of them!”

“They wanted you, too, Padfoot,” James told Sirius. “Asked for you specifically. But of course you weren’t there so they went for young Regulus instead.”

The ugly look on Sirius’ face now matched James’, and I was almost frightened of both of them. Certainly if I didn’t know them as well as I did I would have been. “Oh they did, did they,” he muttered viciously. “The old hag will be delighted. Did he sign up on the spot?”

Lily had calmed down somewhat. “Actually, I don’t think he did,” she said thoughtfully. “He did seem interested though.” She looked up at Sirius, who still looked furious. “I know you thought he’d turn out okay, but I’m not so sure.”

“Neither am I any more,” he admitted. “He and I had a bit of a row in the corridor at the start of term, didn’t we Laura?” I nodded and squeezed his hand comfortingly.

“Anyway, we went straight to Dumbledore and reported it,” said James, who also appeared calmer. “He was livid. Marched straight down to Sluggy’s office and physically ejected them from the room. Full body bind and then a Banishing Charm – they’re in his office now for the Hit Wizards to collect. Death Eaters, inside Hogwarts by invitation, trying to recruit his students. I’ve never seen him so angry.”

“What’s going to happen?” I asked.

“Well obviously Slughorn’s not going to be able to invite people like them back again,” said Lily. “If Dumbledore allows the parties to continue at all, that is.”

“Yeah, I wouldn’t be surprised if this is the end of the Slug Club forever,” agreed James. “Slughorn will be devastated, but it’s his own stupid fault. Why he invited them in the first place …”

“He always liked Bella,” said Sirius. “Raved to me about her when I first started here. I think if I’d been in Slytherin I would have been invited to join the Club straight up, rather than after a couple of months like it was.”

“Besides,” Lily added, “Slughorn’s always tried not to take sides in the war, he likes to stay neutral and choose friends from both sides.”

Just then Charlotte climbed through the portrait hole with her brother Clarrie and a handful of Slug Club members from other years. “What happened?” she asked, looking at Lily and James. “I was being hassled by Barty Crouch and suddenly Dumbledore appeared and broke up the party.”

“Slughorn’s dear guests were trying to recruit students for Voldemort,” Sirius said icily. “Prongs and Lily got the once over, as did Regulus by the sounds of things.”

Charlotte sank into an empty armchair, shock etched across her face. “They what?”

“You heard,” Lily said archly. “So we went and found Dumbledore and told him what they were doing. Hence him getting them away from the students pronto.”

Charlotte’s brown eyes were wide behind her glasses. “I wondered what they were doing, all cloistered up in the corner like that,” she said, “but I never thought of that. How they’d have the nerve …”

“Bet you’d rather be hassled by young Barty,” James said wryly.

Charlotte nodded. “In comparison with what you were hearing, yes, I’d say that details of the several hundred brilliant things his father’s done at the Ministry is definitely a better option. Although I don’t know why he’s bothering with me at all – he’s a bit young for me.” Barty was a fifth-year who always tried to talk himself up thanks to a successful father, who was touted as a possible future Minister of Magic. “So, does this mean no more Slug Club?”

“Quite possibly,” said Lily. “We were just wondering about that.”

“Darn it,” Martha said with exaggerated disappointment. “Now we’ll never know what we were missing, will we?” And she grinned at me, Remus and Peter, those of us who had never received an invitation.

“It wasn’t much,” Sirius said dryly. “Just a stack of students feeling self-important and Sluggy plying them with food and alcohol in an attempt to make them like him just in case they end up being successful. Nice if you need your ego propping up, but otherwise a bore.”

James was nodding. “Yep, that pretty much sums it up,” he agreed.

Lily raised her eyebrows. “And of course you two never needed your egos stroked, the rest of the school was doing that anyway, weren’t they?”

Sirius grinned; he had clearly relaxed a bit. “Absolutely. Why rely on old Sluggy when you can have far more attractive people stroking your ego? Or other parts of you, if that’s what you prefer.” I pretended to hit him and he ducked, laughing. “What?” he asked innocently once he’d recovered himself. “Just telling it like it is.”

I just groaned. “You’re a nightmare, you know that?”

“Of course he does,” James said with a grin. “I’m only surprised that it’s taken you this long to notice.”

****

Despite the dramas of the soon-to-be-defunct Slug Club, the following morning our attention was diverted when the post owls arrived, as one swooped down on Lily and dropped a letter off. We all looked at her seriously as she opened it: owls had come to mean news about her mother, and we were hopeful that this time it was good. However, her face quickly dropped and James put a comforting arm around her.

“What happened?” Charlotte asked tentatively.

“It’s Mum. She’s had another relapse,” Lily said, tears forming in her eyes. “Dad’s pretty worried, he wants me to go home this weekend in case she gets worse.”

“I’m sure we can arrange that,” James said authoritatively. “Let me have a word to Dumbledore, he’s pretty good with things like that.”

Lily looked up at him gratefully. “Oh, would you? That’d be fantastic, thank you. I don’t know that I’d be able to do it myself just now.”

She left that very afternoon on the Knight Bus, straight after Defence, which was her only class on Fridays. James, perhaps surprisingly, had stayed – though it was just for an illness, not for a death, so I suspected he saw this as more of a personal time for Lily’s family. In any case, however, it was a little strange seeing him around the castle without her that weekend. The James and Lily relationship was now so ingrained with us that it felt somewhat surreal seeing one continuously without the other.

We weren’t the only ones to notice this. I heard several whispered comments throughout the Great Hall at mealtimes on Saturday and Sunday, mostly just wondering where the Head Girl had gone, but some were less flattering. Charon Avery, for example, was very vocal in his thoughts about the whole thing as we wandered past him as a group in the courtyard on Saturday.

“Hey, Potty, where’s the Mudblood?”

James flinched and his eyes started flashing, but he appeared to be trying to keep his cool. “Ten points from Slytherin for language.”

Avery just laughed; his companions, Irving Mulciber, Scylla Pritchard and Alecto Carrow, joined him. “Aww, Potter, you’re not missing your Muggle whore, are you?” Avery went on. “Shame on you, I say. And while you’re here, how about you settle an argument between me and my friends here? How long does it take to disinfect yourself after you touch her? I say two hours, but Scylla thinks at least six, and Irving, well, he’s not sure you’d be able to do it properly at all.”

James’ face went very hard and his hand reached inside his robes for his wand. When he spoke, however, his voice had a forced lightness, like he was hoping it wouldn’t come to wands being drawn. “At least I’m getting a shag, Avery,” he said.