Gender issues all my life, finally found a fit.

. I grew up in a middle-class family, the usual life of a young boy. I played baseball and had a few friends. My family didn’t have any sexual openness, there wasn’t obvious flirting between my parents, and my first impressions about my body were clouded with shame.
. My sister and i played often and we tried to stay out of moms hair, and dad was disinterested with young children, that would change later. We were just, “what i truly consider”, a normal nuclear family.

. I had some friends who constantly spoke about sexual things, and as i have said, i knew nothing about any of it. My friend Glen had tricked me once with his far superior sexual intellect. He was asking a group of us, each in turn, which way we preferred to, “Jack Off” which is one way he put it. I believe, at that time, i had never achieved an orgasm via masturbation. I had, however, realized that when i woke up in the morning, laying on my belly, i got a very pleasant sensation when i pushed my pelvis down against my mattress. I would squeeze my butt cheeks together and hold my penis hard against my bed. No ejaculate, no intention, i just happened upon it. So there i was being peppered with questions from Glen, he asked: did i do the reverse bicycle pump? He made some silly attempt at a believable scenario. Then he asked if i kept to the old standard ( sperm count)? At the time non of these made an ounce of sense to me. Hindsight, the sperm count seemed to be the proper choice. But that day, i just played along and agreed with everything he said, he called me on it too. He made me feel unfit to be in his presence, i was sub par, immature, TOO young, and every other term he could possibly say. Suffice it to say, i felt goofy and out of place.


. I was a solid boy of 10 years when, one morning my neighbor was tapping on his window at the rear off his house. He could see me on the side of our garage that faced his backyard. I looked up and he smiled and motioned for me to be quiet with his finger to his lips. There was nothing that caused any alarm inside of me. I waited for him to give me my next command. I knew that Herb was taking care of an older family member of his. This was the white haired man that i often saw sitting on the porch with Herb. The only thing, at that point, that i knew about myself was, that i felt shame because i liked to look at my friends mother’s and, if i could, i would sneak into their hamper or laundry or drawers to touch the feminine undergarments. I did experience some type of arousal when i touched the panties, slips, bras,etc… I had also been caught, by mom, using her razor on my legs. I didn’t even have hair, i just knew that when is seen mom do it, i liked what i had seen. So that’s about it, and now my neighbor is motioning me to come through the hole in the wooden fence that led into his yard. I pointed and asked if Thurs was, in fact, what he wanted? He smiled and nodded his head up and down, kinda like I’d be doing in just a few more minutes. I headed through the broken fence, and i walked up to his widow. Again, he used the finger to his lips signal and pointed for me to walk around to the other side of his house. I did, and the side entrance opened up. It wasn’t much of a surprise when herb poked his head out. He asked, do you likeplay those video games, like they ones at the fish & chips restaurant? I said yes, he knew the names of both games. I told him which is liked better, and he seemed to want to know more about them. He asked me if I’d like to come in, maybe i could help him with a couple things and he could see to it that i get some coins to use on those games. I said sure herb, and walked up the steps into his house.


. The house was a little dark, kinda dirty, and there was a smell, i think it was the smell of two less than manicured men, living without the aid of a woman’s touch in the home. The scent wasn’t repulsive, on the contrary, it was thick and warm, and i was led into the living room area.