Down

I’m grinding my teeth. Can’t seem to kick that habit. Either I shake my leg until my whole body vibrates or I grind my teeth. The leg shaking annoys other people. So I grind my teeth. I only do it when I am anxious. To be fair, I am anxious a lot. Today I am the most anxious. I am waiting for something that I have been waiting for for 3 months, more probably. I dream about it most nights. I day dream about it most days. My eyes are leveled on the point where the dirt road in front of me meets the tar high way. It is crazy hot. Stale air oozes between the trees. The humidity is tangible. The black flies flit around my forehead dodging beads of sweat to suck on the blood around my neck and ears. Their vicious bites cannot distract me from my gaze. I have been waiting for 3 months. It’s been a few hours sitting here. My water bottle is long since empty and I have to pee really badly. I keep watching the spot, it has been 3 months after all.

A silver car, right indicator on pulls up off the highway into the drive. It’s grill gets larger as my heart beats faster. It’s not her. Disappointed I plop down on my grassy seat. Time seems to flow backwards, every time I check my watch it seems like it says a number that is previous to the last number. Maybe I am just delirious, that’s believable. It’s been a long couple of months, working 14 hour days most of the time. Sending my body to a physical extreme on many occasions. Not eating in any way healthily. Dealing with copious amounts of stressful situations and relationships. All the while not having the warm arms to hold me, to tell me it’s okay and I am probably overreacting. I get distracted by the thoughts of how much I miss her that I almost don’t notice the silver sedan coasting up the drive. It definitely is her.

I see her smile first, the afternoon sun pours through her windshield illuminating her mouth while the visor blocks off her blue eyes. She has a gorgeous smile. It never fails to make me feel better. This time I am fucking ecstatic. My heart is racing to the point of arrest. She pulls up beside me. Giddy I race around to the driver side and throw open the door. She gets stuck in her seat belt trying to race out the seat. So many reasons why I love her. Even the clumsiness. I give her some space so she can jump out. Jump out she does. Like a flying koala bear she lunges at me wrapping all of her limbs around me. Winded, I stagger back a few feet, tottering over and falling on my ass with a little ball of blonde hair and love straddling me. Within seconds our tongues are locked in the endless war for control over each others’ mouth. No one ever wins the war, we just take breaks. Her hands are in my hair, eyes closed legs straddling my pelvis. My hands are on her back, and her sides, and her butt. Okay my hands are roaming around, just trying to touch as much of her as possible.

After a few minutes of this the giddiness wears off and she sits up, looking me in the eye with that smile. My heart melts. We talk for a little, discussing her drive and all sorts of other things.