Dear Diary,

Ethan gone. He proved himself unworthy and removed himself from the picture. I can’t really articulate how I feel about this but every bit of it reinforces this.. self-awareness I’m experiencing. Like, I am an entity, a whole, stand-alone person. I used to think of Ethan as a piece of me. An extension of self that I needed; but now I think I felt that way because it wasn’t Ok for me to want things. Like, I only ever deserved what I needed. Not anymore. Almost overnight I feel — quite comfortably — that it’s totally fine for me to want things. And absolutly to be expected that I should get what I want.

Speaking of things I want; Hayden (god his name is so fucking stupid I hate to even write it) finally came back to work today after being gone for three days. I don’t flatter myself that it was the pain of my rejection keeping him away, I’m sure it was just the awkwardness. I have a feeling that if he wasn’t so new, and this place wasn’t such a fantastic resume-entry for him, that he would have quit over it and gone somewhere else.

I walked past his desk intentionally a few times just to watch him squirm. I think he went shopping to make himself feel better (fag), because he was wearing a new jacket. I complimented him on it and he turned red again. I know, I know, I’m being a total bitch but I can’t help it. He just makes it so easy, and fucking with him makes me feel powerful (and horny).

And between you and me? I want to make him cry again. Like, I want to do worse stuff to him.. stuff I probably shouldn’t write down in case there are molestation charges later ;-). I’m um… well ok, in for a penny, in for a pound right diary? I actually masturbated last night imagining him crying in the nap room. Only, instead of standing there watching him, I trapped him in — locked the door behind me. I forced him to his knees, grabbed his pretty straw-colored femboi hair, and forced his pouty little face into my soggy cunt where it belongs. I ground my hips into him, his head trapped between my clit and the wall. I held him there, ordered him to get to licking, and felt his tongue start working reluctantly against my lips as he cried. sploosh

I can’t stop thinking about it. I actually keep cursing myself that I didn’t block the door that day. I keep telling myself that next time I won’t let him leave the room so easy.

Houston we may have a problem here.


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Dear Diary,

Welp.. I molested Hayden.

(gah that stupid name! I think I’m just going to call him ‘stupidname’ from now on because it’s literally less stupid than his actual name).

ANYWAY OMFG I feel like a super hero! I went in to talk to Margo about some product updates so she could plug them at Velocity next month. But Margo wasn’t there. Stupidname however is sitting in one of the chairs in front of her desk typing away at his laptop like they’d just finished a meeting and he hadn’t gotten up to leave yet.