A Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

It was Miranda! Of course it was Miranda. It all started to make sense, although it was still a bizarre situation. I was tied down spread eagle on a king sized bed. The room around me was so preppy and pink it seemed to belong to a teenager.

I woke up about ten minutes ago and I still didn’t feel fully awake yet. My head was throbbing, I had a nasty headache and grogginess still lingered. Yet seeing Miranda’s picture hanging on the wall sobered me up. I had been dating Nick for barely four months and so far his ex-girlfriend Miranda had showed up at my work crying to my co-workers about how I was a home-wrecker. She had followed me home and threatened to hurt my cat if I didn’t back off. She’d send me leaflets about abortion with a post-it note on at that said I should pass this information on to my mother so she wouldn’t make the same mistakes twice. She’d put on social media that I had a STI, and last week she bought a wedding dress and told everyone she and Nick had eloped.

I’d talked to Nick about it and we even went to the police, but they couldn’t do anything until she actually did something criminal, buying a wedding dress wasn’t a crime they said.

Now it was too late, she’d drugged and kidnapped me and tied me down in what looked like her childhood bedroom. I couldn’t imagine any woman of 34 years old would actually decorate her room like this, then again this Miranda wasn’t just any woman, she was one of a kind.

My headache started to get worse and I closed my eyes. It must have happened yesterday when I was out drinking with my co-workers. Maybe she slipped something in my wine? I didn’t remember seeing her in that pub. I pulled on my bounds and tried to get away. The rope was wrapped tightly around my wrist. Maybe if I fidgeted and wriggled for a while the knots would loosen up enough for my hand to slip out.

All my struggling seemed to be to no avail, if anything the knots seemed to be even tighter now.

‘How’s my sweet baby girl.’ Miranda’s voice said high-pitched and shrill. She wouldn’t kill me, right? She wouldn’t. She may be crazy but she wasn’t that crazy, was she?

Miranda was dressed in a fifties polka-dot dress with a white peter pan collar, her hair in a tight bun and she wore glasses. I’d never seen her wear glasses before. She sat down on the bed next to me and looked down on me with an enamored smile.

‘Hi there, dear June, how are you feeling.’ Her fingertip softly ran over my cheek. I moved away from her.

‘Don’t touch me.’ I said.

‘Don’t be scared, sweet baby girl of mine.’

‘I’m not your baby girl.’

‘Oh, but you’re wrong sweetheart. You are our baby girl and mommy and daddy love you very much, you have to know that. I know it’s been hard on you these last few months, but things are getting better, mommy and daddy have almost resolved their issues and then we’re getting married in Hawaï. You can swim with sea turtles in Hawaï did you know that?’

‘Do you mean Nick?’ I asked.

She slapped me across my face and stinging pain traveled through my cheek.

‘Fuck you.’ I yelled at her and she slapped me again.

‘Please be a lady.’ She said. ‘That’s not how I raised you.’

The slaps in my face made my headache even worse. I sighed and stared upwards. Glow in the dark stars were attached to the ceiling, I’m sure it would be pretty at night, but by daylight they were just some beige gross looking plastic stars stuck onto the ceiling.

‘What time is it?’ I asked.

‘It’s about lunch time, you slept for quite some time, sweetheart.’ Miranda caressed my cheek again, tenderly she rubbed her thumb over my still somewhat sore skin.

Lunchtime. Good. I thought to myself. That meant I didn’t show up for work this morning, that meant they’d already called my phone, hopefully they’d called Nick too and let him know I was missing. He would know it was Miranda right? He would tell the police and they’d be knocking on the door any minute now. Unless they thought I was just skipping work because of a hangover.

‘Where are we anyway?’ I asked.

Miranda smiled.