Chapter 7:



Victoria looked out the window of the hotel room she was sharing with Jack. She could barely keep her mind on one thought or worry, it was like trying to grab snakes while pumped full of Novocain. Playing in her mind over and over like a Youtube video set to repeat, the scene from the garage haunted her like the guilt of a crime. Her emotions were a sea of confusion, struggling to define her feelings for Jack. After seeing what he was capable of, she felt fear; after realizing the secret he had kept from her, she felt distrust and resentment; and after hearing his words and seeing him smile… she felt love.

As Jack came up behind her, putting his hands on her shoulders and kissing her neck, she stirred and pulled away, almost with disgust. Biting his lip, he wrapped his arms around her waist, and while she gave a half-hearted struggle for a few seconds, she soon became docile.

“Victoria, what do I have to do to make your forgive me?”

“You don’t get it, you just don’t get it. It’s not a matter of whether or not I can forgive you, it’s a matter of what this means for our relationship. I have no idea who or what you are and you won’t answer any of my questions.”

“No, this is about forgiveness. You’re angry with me for keeping this secret from you. You’re angry with me for complicating things. You’re angry with me because I can’t give you any answers right now. But what angers you the most is that things had to change when they were so perfect just an hour ago. Speak your mind Victoria.”

“How can I trust you? How can I believe you when you say you love me or start preaching your psycho bullshit?! How do I know that you’re not just stringing me along, thinking of me in the same way that a human thinks of an animal or an insect? How can I ever trust you when I can never be your equal?”

“Victoria, I am human. I have a human brain and a human body, and the way I feel and think is possible for any other human. Except for my powers, any other human can become like me, it all depends on how they choose to see the universe and how they choose to shape their perceptions. The love I feel for you is just like the love anyone else would feel in my position. I love you and I care about you.”

“But why have you hidden the truth from me?”

“Because of this, right here and now. Can you imagine what your reaction would have been before we started our relationship? We’ve been together for so short a time, can you really say that you would have handled this better in the past?”

“If you can bring back the dead, why didn’t you bring back your mom?”

His hold loosened. “I do not see life and death in the same way you do, everything I have said about existing forever has been honest and true. The only reason why I revived those thugs is to make up for the violence I committed against them in the first place. What happened to my mother was an accident, but what I did to them was on purpose. Admittedly, I let my temper get the best of me, and recreating them was my penitence for it.”

Taking a step forward, Victoria turned around and placed her hands on Jack’s chest. “Do you really love me?”

“With all of my heart.”

“Then I trust you.”

Leaning forward, she buried her face in the side of his neck and held onto him for dear life. Jack wrapped his arms tightly around her, his fingers tented against the back of her head and the sweet fragrance of her hair dominating his senses. Both humming like newborn pups, they tightened their grasp on each other, holding themselves so close together that they could feel each other’s hearts beating. As if surrendering, Victoria released her hold and raised her head, glanced up with a small content smile and blushing face. Looking like a cat getting rubbed in just the right spot behind the ear, she completely let go and almost became limp, fully giving in to the feeling of being embraced.

Slowly, Jack let go and the two teenagers stared into each other’s eyes, waiting only a few moments before they started kissing. Panting heavily from their growing arousal, they moved over to the bed without ending heir kiss, undressing each other before lying down. Without using his hands, Jack entered Victoria with one great push, drawing a gasp of joy from the young beauty. Their naked bodies pressed together and interlocked, the two lovers began panting and trembling in bliss with Jack taking point, thrusting into Victoria with machine-like strength.

Victoria’s body was indescribable in its physical beauty and feeling. Her firm rolling breasts jiggling against his chest, her soft flat belly lapping against his like waves on the beach, her long smooth legs wrapping around his waist and holding him tightly, her beautiful scarlet hair smelling like roses and fruit, and her red lips, as soft and delicate as wisps of ice cream. He loved every single centimeter of her body, and she could feel his love. She could feel his feelings being injected into her with each penetration, as well as with each breath they shared while they kissed.

Jack began to pick up speed, driving into her like a woodpecker and causing the mattress to rock back and forth and bounce on its frame. Feeling her barriers crashing down with each thrust, Victoria stopped kissing him and lied back, relishing the feeling of her approaching orgasm. Knowing the signs, Jack changed his movements, stirring his cock inside her with each thrust instead of relying on deep penetration. At last, Victoria cried out in ecstasy and Jack could feel her pussy shaking with wet arousal.

“Oh Jack!” she moaned over and over again.

Not done, Jack rolled off and got behind her with the two of them on their sides. Lifting up her leg, he re-entered her and resumed fucking her, giving her a wide excited smile from the switch to the new position. Grinning and licking her lips, Victoria looked back and resumed hissing him, while placing one hand on his cheek and using the other hand to rub her clit. With the threshold reached, Victoria was quick to have another mind-numbing orgasm.

“Victoria, I’m going to cum,” he grunted in her ear.

“Well you’ve certainly deserved it. Give to me, darling, pour all of your semen into me.”

Happy to obey, Jack put all of his remaining strength into twenty more brutally-fast thrusts, forcing his cock into her with so much speed that his balls were basically being slingshot back and forth almost painfully. In tandem with the twentieth thrust, Jack gave a low growl and emptied all of his reserves into her, filling her up to the point where sperm was overflowing and oozing out of her pussy. His erection deflating, Jack pulled out of her and laid his head on the pillow.

“I love you, Jack, and I just want to be with you,” Victoria whispered, pressing herself against him.

“Don’t worry, we’ll be together forever,” he replied, holding her close and slowly drifting to sleep.

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“For as long as I can remember, my mom has been an overachiever with high expectations of me. You could say that she is a workaholic, always spending her time at one job or another, coming home late each night because she would rather work 5 to 9 instead of 9 to 5. It’s not like we needed the money, we would have been fine if she had worked better hours. When I asked her why she was never home and why she was so obsessed with work, she said that adults have to work, that’s just the way it is. Knowing what you have to do and doing it is all a part of growing up. She drilled that into my mind over and over again: know what you have to do and then do it, it’s time for you to grow up. I used to think she just hated my dad and I, but now I’m old enough to know that she’s just crazy. Oh well, with me being a whore and my mom always gone, it’s no big surprise that I started screwing my dad every night,” Kelly said with a bitter laugh, sitting on the invisible ground with her back to Jack.

“How Freudian, very interesting,” Jack said, walking towards her from across the dreamscape.

“What do you mean?”

He sat down behind her, back to back. “Freud believed that early childhood experiences dominated the shaping process of the human mind, and that most inner conflicts stemmed from the instinctive desire to have sex gone wrong. Many of these issues deal with the parents of the opposite gender. To be frank, you’re Freud’s wet dream. He got a lot wrong, but not everything.”

“So how does that help me?” Kelly asked, leaning her head back against his shoulder.

“Well we have two aspects as to the development of your identity crisis. On one hand, you have an uncaring mom who would rather stay at the office long into night than take her role as a wife and mother, leaving that role open, and you have her forcing a concept into your mind that terrified you and gave you a deep-seated fear of growing older. The family is the greatest basis for the development of our personalities: we mirror ourselves after our same-gender parent or rebel to create our own personality, in this case, your mother. We then use our opposite-gender parent as a model in which we develop our expectations for everyone of the opposite gender.

Quite simply, your father is the first man you have ever known and you used him as a model to set your expectations for finding a mate. With this, it’s clear that since you didn’t really have a mother in which to mirror or rebel against, you instead saw the role that she left wide open. Because you had no identity of your own, you sought to take your absent mother’s, at least in terms of responsibility. This can often take place in single-parent families, but it is because of your complete lack of an identity that you took it so far. This is why you never really felt shame when being intimate with your father; it was because you had not established your role as the daughter.

Then, there is the second aspect. From what I understand, you loathe your mother and you rarely ever saw her. From this, I can assume that you naturally rebelled against becoming like her, using only what you were able to gleam from her. She said that she drilled into your mind the concept that growing up involves total self-knowledge and the stoic sense of what has to be done. You hated your mother, so you hated what she believed in. You didn’t want to prove her right and become what she wanted, so you turned your back on knowing yourself. You tried to fight against the aging process, you wanted to stay young, immature, and carefree to rebel against her, and to do that, you had to stay ignorant of who you are and “what you needed to do”. Basically, your feelings for your mother triggered and energized humans’ natural fear of death and aging.

The fact that you were so desperate to stay young also helps explain why you chose the role of a prostitute. By becoming a sex object, you made yourself feel wanted and attractive, which is the main desire and fear that people normally develop, as they grow older.”

“So what should I do?” Kelly asked, feeling the last and greatest weight basically melting off her shoulders.

“Nothing. You now know the source of your problems, and with that, you will naturally and subconsciously work to fix it. You have discovered your identity, so you’ve solidified your core and know where you stand. All that’s left is to overcome your anger and resentment for your mother and come to terms with your fear of death and aging, which you will achieve when I teach you to unlock the Self. For now, you are done.” H

Getting up on her knees, Kelly turned around and leaned on Jack, wrapping her arms around him. “Jack, you’ve helped me more than anyone else in my life. No one has ever been so kind to me and done so much for me.”

“You don’t have to thank me, we’re friends after all,” he said with a smile while reaching back stroking her hair.

“Jack, I think I love you.”

Jack’s hand stopped, and he moved it down from her hair and placed it on her hand. “Kelly, you know I am with Victoria. I love her and I promised her that I would be with no one else.”

“But you love me too, I know you do! You wouldn’t have done all this for me if you didn’t!” she said desperately with a tight hold.

“You’re right, I do care about you, but not in the same way I care about Victoria. Please Kelly, don’t make this difficult.”

“You told me that you love to help people, to fulfill their potential. If I could be with someone I love and who loves me, just for one night, I think I may finally understand who I truly am. Be my mirror, show me my reflection.”

Jack sighed. “Speak to Victoria, I won’t do anything unless she wants me to.”

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The four teenagers were sitting on the floor in Jack’s room, taking advantage of the time after school. “In order to discover the Self, you must see through the Superego. You must see through the display you use to project who you are, the part of your personality that is shaped by events and experiences. Think of your mind as like a planet, with your Self as the pure molten core, free of all characteristics or distinguishable features. Your Superego is the surface, shaped and morphed by the tectonic collisions of your life and decorated by life. All three of you have gone through this process: Victoria, you removed the barriers you had created around yourself out of fear of assimilation and have learned to trust others; Kelly, you discovered your identity and came to terms with your innate fear of growing up; Tyler, you faced the death of your sister, learned that pain is in the mind, and that there is no possible course of action, except for the one taken, all resulting in the loss of the guilt that has plagued you for years.
Now, you all know that I am different, and I have promised you all of your answers on my birthday. That said, it would be better for you to complete this before then, which means that we have four days. Today I will begin going over with you the main concepts of the self and give an overview of the Tree of Life, something I have instructed Kelly to research. After that, we will closely examine the concepts, and hopefully, you will all be ready to accept my answers. Are you all ready?”

Everyone nodded.

“Good, I’ll start off summarizing what I have told you all already. The Self is the core of your personality, the untainted source of all your honest likes and dislikes. When I say honest, I mean that the social factor has no effect on it. If you give into peer pressure, you could say that your Superego is the need to impress others, but the Self is your conscience, telling you not to give in, or in reverse, your Superego is the need to maintain your strong moral appearance, while the Self is the instinct to go after all forms of pleasure. The interesting thing is that with this example, your conscience is acting, but not specifically your morals. Basically, the Self does not recognize rules or laws unless you adhere to them by nature.

The Self has a very instinctual and biological origin, as it controls how we perceive our world and essentially regulates the flow of chemicals and neural pulses in the brain. It is like a combination of your physical desires and your pure emotions, basically the Id and Ego to your Superego, as Freud would say. However, the Self is also the source of higher-level thinking. I don’t mean that unlocking the Self makes you a super-genius, but it is instead the medium we use to conceive our place in the universe. The Superego looks only at the tiny world we live in, but the Self takes in our acknowledgement of the entirety of creation and gives birth to true philosophy.

As I said before, the Self controls our perceptions, labeling everything as good or bad, basically working on autopilot.