CAW 19 – Black,

CAW 19 – Black, by Pearl Jam

All copyrighted material is used here non-commercially. Non-commercial use of copyrighted material is protected under the Fair Use provisions of United States Copyright Law. Special thanks to NE Woman for her assistance with proofreading and editing, and for her kind words of encouragement.

*

With each passing year my memories seem to be more vivid, rather than less so. It was mid December, 1993 and I was living in a suburb of Seattle, WA. I was recently divorced, and had a casual fling going with an older woman I’d met at a previous job. Nothing serious, a ‘friends with benefits’ thing. After my divorce, I wasn’t looking for anything more than that.

I had a decent job as an office manager at a collection agency. The work wasn’t very pleasant, but it paid well enough. Of course this was not the career I had planned on when I got my bachelor’s degree in fine arts, but if you’ve ever wondered what kind of job a BFA degree will get you, managing a phone room is near the top of the list. I still painted in my spare time, but I hadn’t sold anything, and none of the dealers or galleries I showed my portfolio to expressed any serious interest. As romantic as the idea of being a starving artist was, I liked to eat on a regular basis, so I swallowed my pride and got a real job.

I had about 25 people who worked for me, and although I was technically the boss, most of my crew made more money than I did due to the commission structure. It was a nondescript job, in a nondescript office, in a nondescript office building. Typical cube farm, but I did have my own small office that overlooked the phone room.

One day I was talking with the receptionist while going through the day’s mail.

“So, what’s going on between you and Marcia?” Lisa asked, out of the blue.

“What do you mean?” I honestly had no idea what she was talking about. Marcia was one of my subordinates, and although we were friendly, I didn’t even think of her as a friend. She was just another co-worker.

Okay, not just another co-worker. Marcia was, in my opinion, the best looking woman in the office, and I had occasionally fantasized about bending her over my desk and having my way with her, but I never seriously considered her anything more than a fantasy.

“Haven’t you noticed the way she looks at you?” Lisa went on. Being the receptionist gave Lisa plenty of time to keep an eye on everybody’s personal business, but she didn’t gossip too much. “It’s totally obvious, she wants you.”

“Are you nuts? First off, she’s married. Second, she’s way out of my league, and third, I’m pretty sure I’m not the type of guy she goes for. I don’t have that kind of dough.” I said.

“Men.” Lisa snorted. “You’re all alike. Too dumb to see what’s going on right under your nose.”

“I don’t know why we’re having this conversation, don’t you have anything better to do with your time?”

She twisted up her nose at me and was going to say something, but fortunately the phone rang and she had to answer it, putting an end to our little chat. I waved at her and went back to my office.

The more I thought about it, the more I chuckled about what Lisa had said. The very idea that the most beautiful woman I’d ever met would want anything to do with me was absurd. I was still laughing when Marcia knocked on my door, even though it was wide open. I looked up at her, and couldn’t help laughing.

“What’s so funny, boss?” she said as she sat in one of the chairs in front of my desk.

“Oh nothing. Something Lisa said. What’s up?”

“I’ve got today’s numbers.” she handed me a paper with that day’s collection totals broken down by client.

I looked over the numbers and chuckled.

“Looks good.” I said.

“Are you laughing at me?” Marcia asked.

“No. Yes. Well sort of.” I couldn’t stop, but I noticed she had a hurt look in her eyes. I’d never seen that before. She always seemed so cool and collected and confident.

After an uncomfortable silence, I decided to let her in on the joke, I mean, surely she’d see how wrong Lisa was, and why I thought it was so funny.

“Not at you, never. It’s just… I was talking to Lisa, and she has this crazy idea that you have a crush on me, and that you want to go out with me.” I laughed again.

“I know. I didn’t say it, she did. Hilarious isn’t it?”

Marcia wasn’t laughing, in fact she looked like she was going to cry. In that instant, my useless male brain put two and two together and I finally saw what Lisa saw. Suddenly I couldn’t breathe, and I couldn’t tear my eyes away from her burning gaze.

Marcia stood up as if to leave, and through some miracle, I found my voice. “Marcia?”

She stood there and looked at me silently.

“Would you like to have dinner with me tonight?” Did I just say that? Out loud? She was my subordinate, which meant I could lose my job if the bosses found out we were dating, she was married, and she was so much more beautiful than I deserved, or could possibly hope for. I could feel my face flush, and I thought my heart was going to explode it was beating so fast.

After the longest 5 seconds of my life, during which her big blue eyes began to sparkle, she silently nodded.

“Lion’s Den? 8 O’clock?” Who was talking? Was that me?

Marcia nodded and gave me the most radiant smile I’d ever seen, then she turned and walked out of my office.

Holy shit! Did that just happen? How… What… It took me 15 minutes to come to my senses. That did just happen, and I had a date with an angel. Seriously, how? I was about as ordinary and average as a man could be. Average height, 5′ 11” and slightly overweight. Not fat, but pudgy from sitting behind a desk for too long. I certainly didn’t have the type of body women swooned over. Sure, I had a decent job, but I didn’t have the kind of money that women got excited about either. I was no Casanova, I did okay, but the women I attracted were always ordinary and average, like me.

Marcia on the other hand, had everything every man wanted. She was petite, 5′ 2”, slender, and had boobs that looked almost too big for her small body. She had long, thick, curly strawberry blonde hair, pale skin with a few well placed freckles, high cheekbones, a dainty little nose, and the most lucious full lips that just begged to be kissed. Mere words fail to adequately describe her. Beautiful, Gorgeous, Stunning, Flawless, Exquisite, Ravishing, Angelic. Nothing comes close.

What did she see in me that I didn’t see? The more I thought about it, the more unreal it seemed. Maybe this was some cruel joke Lisa and Marcia had concocted to embarrass me, or perhaps Marcia had lost a bet.

I seriously considered not going, worried I was being set up somehow, but I couldn’t stay away. When I pulled in the parking lot of the Lion’s Den at 7:55, I saw her. She was stepping out of her car, a red two door Ford Focus, when I parked my truck next to her.

The Lion’s Den restaurant and lounge was located about a mile from our office. It was in an old single story building, it’s exterior covered in dark wood. The interior of the lounge was dimly lit, and had a very subdued ambiance.

We both said hello, but we didn’t embrace or anything. I opened the door for her and watched her walk in the restaurant. She was wearing blue jeans that weren’t too tight or too loose, a long sleeve t-shirt that was tight over her chest, and a blue denim jacket. I was still wearing the dark blue suit I had worn to work that day, but I had removed my tie and opened the collar of my shirt.

We were seated at a booth and we ordered drinks. I had a screwdriver, and Marcia had a Bacardi and Coke.

“I thought you were married.” I don’t know why that was the first thing I said to her, I guess I was distracted by her giant wedding ring. It looked like it cost as much as I made in a year.

“Separated, actually.” she replied nervously. She must have noticed me staring at the Rock of Gibraltar on her hand. “Oh this? I guess… Does it bother you?” Without waiting for me to reply, she pulled the ring off her finger and dropped it unceremoniously into her purse. “Better?” she smiled and took a drink of her cocktail.

I was stunned. She had just taken a very expensive wedding ring off. For me. To make me comfortable, to let me know she was available. She dropped what I later learned was a twenty-five thousand dollar ring into her purse like it was nothing more than a piece of trash. For me.

“You Okay?” she asked after several minutes of silence.

“Yes… No… I…” My brain wasn’t working, and instead of going for something smooth and casual, I asked her the question that was burning a hole in my mind. “Why are you here? With me. I mean, I never thought…”

She looked surprised. “You asked me. Remember?” she finished her drink and waved towards the waitress for another.

“I know, and I’m glad you’re here. I really am, but it’s just… You’re so…” I could feel my face flushing.

“I’m so what?” she asked with one eyebrow raised.

“Beautiful.” I whispered.