Belive in Love – Part 1 – I don’t wanna be in love

Four years have passed since I last saw Alex… My name is Matthews, my friends call me Matt, today, I am 20 today. My boyfriend’s name, or ex-boyfriend’s name is Alex Cruz. We’ve been apart since we were caught having sex, thanks to that, he had to move out. I kept my promise and kept on texting him, day by day, whenever I could and eventually there was this sudden cooling of relationship. He says he found a boyfriend where he was living and that he didn’t want to bind me so he was breaking up.

Well, that left me depressed for 3 weeks or so, I wasn’t paying attention to classes and anything. I could only remember what we shared and text him prettending that we never even shared anything. Oh well… I lived that out, but turned out to be colder towards people, I still texted him, sometimes I was sincere, sometimes I wasn’t, but hey, it wasn’t my fault… I am going through a lot and I even think that I am going crazy… anywhere I go, I seem to think that I saw Alex walking around when it’s just some different person.

Mark? Mark is still the same, he didn’t change at all, but we don’t do anything anymore because it would feel “wrong” or “weird”. I was not desperated for attention in anyway… I’m in college, I don’t know if it’s because I’m cold or because I sit by the window, but people INSIST that I’m a cool guy when what I mostly say these days is “I don’t care” “Whatever” and “Die”. I changed quite a lot, not enough to be considered a goth or an emo, but I did change.

I’m in college today, studying journalism, I also share a house, and I do work, but I don’t think that’s important. I live my days like that, mostly alone and loveless, I don’t even think that I can love someone ever again after what I’ve been through… I have some friends that support me, though they are not any angels, but they are cool to hang around with. There’s Peter, the pervert. Eddie the Mr.Pig, Louis the Assassin, Matthew the Jesus and Mathew the Elf. You didn’t get it? I’ll explain one by one… let’s start with Peter.

Peter is a cool guy… save for the times he locks himself inside the bathroom with a cellphone, also, never hold his right hand, all of his interests are pretty women and sex. Eddie is kinda overweight, so to save himself from some kind of bullying, he names himself Mr.Pig, so we all call him Mr.Pig… Louis is simply worse than me now, for whatever reason, he hangs around with us, but he is shown to be much darker, serious and well… mortal than I do, I mean, I only get people away with words, if he could, he would get people away, with axes, in fire…. what else…. oh yeah, and he enjoys pain, he laughs like a maniac. Then there’s Matthew the Jesus, well… he has a long hair… that’s our reason to call him Jesus. And last but not least, Mathew the Elf, he was simply a huge HUGE fan of The Legend of Zelda.

They are nice people but not the people I would tell that I am bi, of course.