Being Jim Ch.09: The Heart Has no Conscience

All characters depicted in this story are 18 years old or older

* Life is a tapestry, a cloth woven from many different threads that create the whole. This story is a thread, a part of Barbra’s story, contributing to the waft and weave that is the Whole cloth, being Jim.

Being Jim Ch.09: The Heart Has No Conscience

Or: The Guilty Heart

By Frodov

* This story is based entirely on true experiences from my past, names and a few details have been changed to provide anonymity for those involved. Discretion is a precious commodity and is becoming rarer every day. I reached way back to relive this story for everyone. At the time I was the ripe old age of thirty. Bear in mind that Cell phones were barely a novel idea at that time. The internet was taking its first baby steps and people were discovering the likes of A0L and to a lesser extent local messaging or electronic “bulletin boards”. How many of you out there remember dial-up modems? Cable TV was still mostly commercial free. Ah, good times. So, in that frame of mind enjoy the memory.

The heart has no conscience, it has no shame and it has no off switch when it’s on fire. Lust and love are interchangeable, so alike and so confusing at times. It’s the confusion that leads to problems however. When one cannot tell the difference between the two it can lead to trouble… heart break and pain like nothing else. One must be ever vigilant and remember to think with their brain and not just follow their heart blindly.

The smell of chicken cacciatore tickled my nose even as I stepped up to the front porch and knocked on the door before opening it and poking my head in and announcing myself.

“What is that SMELL?” I asked towards the kitchen as I grinned at Dave who was sitting in his recliner holding a cold long neck that he lifted towards me in way of greeting. He grinned at me and rolled his eyes as Sarah sounded off from around the corner as she bustled about in the midst of putting the finishing touches on her culinary offering for tonight. I held up two bottles of wine, one red, one white by way of question to Dave. He just shrugged and nodded towards the kitchen deferring to Sarah’s judgement. I tilted my head down in mock resignation and stepped around the corner into the DANGER ZONE.

If you spend any time at all around a full-blooded Italian woman, you learn to give her lots of space when she’s in the depths of preparing a meal. Sarah was every bit the stereotypical hell on wheels when it came to order and chaos in her kitchen. She had everything planned and organized in her mind and if ANYTHING got out of line or altered there would be hell to pay for anyone disrupting her flow. I turned the corner at the doorway from the den to the kitchen and just leaned against the door jamb and observed her at work. She was very absorbed in her tasks at hand.

And lovely hands they were. Sarah had dolled up this evening for some reason. She wore what could only be described as a cross between a summer weight sun dress and a little black dress. It was black, but it had gossamer like butterflies and flower embossed or stitched or whatever into the nearly see through like mesh of the base material. Oh, she had on some sort of slip under it perhaps so as not to show her undergarments. Well…save for the recalcitrant bra strap that kept sliding down her right shoulder as she stirred this pot or lifted that pan. Her sturdy shoulders topping her lithe dancer like arms with those strong but beautiful Mediterranean heritage hands with the blood red nails.

Skinny she was not, but I hesitate to say that she was a big girl as she really wasn’t. Oh, sure she had a little bit of a tummy, but then a lot of women over forty tend to have a bit of a softness there. Her hips were wide but not exaggeratedly so. Her backside was maybe a little bigger than she was when she was younger the curves were in all the right places and pleasantly distributed to say the least.

Sarah’s face was full and had the Mediterranean features common to her Italian heritage. Dark eyes, dark hair of her eyebrows… and even a few recurring hairs on her upper lip that she groomed religiously, tweezing and plucking whenever one showed itself. You’d think maybe that she was hairy, but she most assuredly was not. In fact, something I learned over the time we knew each other, she had practically no hair on her legs what so ever. And what was there was so silky and fine as to be invisible anyway.

Oh, but that massive head of hair was abundant, and thick as it was silky. She claimed to have never colored it, except for one Halloween where she tried to die it red for a costume. She said it didn’t turn out right so she never tried again. Normally that thick black mane would fall gracefully about her shoulders and almost down the middle of her back by her shoulder blades… except when she was cooking.

Sarah was indeed in her own little world as she focused on her cooking. She must have been listening to some music in her head as she was rocking her hips and stepping from one foot to the other in a swaying motion that was mesmerizing even to me. The swaying caused the bottom of her dress to… well… sway with the motion. The little head bobs and twitches just drew my eyes to her lovely bare neck as she had her thick silky black hair pulled into a loose bun on the back of her head to keep it out of her face and off her neck apparently. No, her neck wasn’t bare, there was a very fine gold chain, almost a thread really, on which her tiny gold crucifix was hung and dangling down into her modest but very apparent cleavage. This dress was very flattering and very… eye catching I thought to myself.

Sarah must have sensed that she was being ogled, I know she already knew that I had arrived as I had announced myself as I came in the front door. Even if she was so absorbed in her cooking, I know she was aware. She half turned and glanced over her shoulder in a very coquettish way. Her lips were pursed and her brows knit but there was a sparkle in her dark almost obsidian black eyes as she locked them on my own. She held that look for maybe a heartbeat or two then she smiled at me and those red glossed lips turned up at the corners baring her dazzling white teeth. I noticed that here was a little speck of something on her right cheek just an inch or so to the right of her lips. Apparently, there had been a splash of some sauce or something and she was not aware of it.

“Hi Jim… dinner’s almost ready, you’re right on time! Oh! You brought wine! Thank You! I’ll have Dave get out some glasses. DAVE!” She raised her voice to be heard over the TV in the other room.

“I’m on it!” Dave replied equally loud in the den as the sound of his recliner being closed up and him rising from it punctuated his statement.

Dave brushed against my left shoulder nudging me with his right arm as he moved to drop his empty long neck into the trash bin beside me next to the fridge.

“Duty calls…” He mumbled to me.

“What was that?” Sarah asked brusquely giving him a suspicious glare.

“I said Beauty calls.” Dave responded with a smile.

Sara gave him a smirk then smiled and turned back to her stove. Dave turned to me, his eyebrows both raised as he blew out a silent “whew” and then winked at me before reaching into a cabinet over the sink to get out four wine glasses. I took note of the number as it was one more than just the three needed for… well… the three of us. I smiled and shook my head wearily… Sarah was at it again.

“So, what’s her name?” I asked with a resigned but good-natured smile. Sarah turned to me as if I had pinched her on the ass or something.

“Wha… What? What do you mean Jim?” Sarah asked feigning surprise and innocence.



Dave looked down at his two hands holding four wine glasses and realized that he had slipped up and let the cat out of the bag. He grinned at me and bit his bottom lip and shook his head and made a quick exit into the dining room.

“Well… Sarah you are an amazing cook and I’d eat anything that you put in front of me but it looks like you pulled out all the stops tonight. What is that? Cacciatore? And that dress… WOW! I mean I like it don’t get me wrong but you rarely ever dress up for dinner with little ol’ me. So, you must have another guest coming to dinner as well…” I said with a knowing grin.

Sarah actually blushed a little before she snapped out of it and tried to revert to her false innocence… Raising one eyebrow and glaring at me suspiciously out of the corners of her eyes as she split her attention between me and the stove. I couldn’t take it any more so I added.

“And Dave got out four wine glasses for the three of us…” I all but giggled.

“DAVE! Damn it! You promised you would help make it a surprise!” She shouted towards the dining room as she stomped one shapely leg with her high heeled foot. She shook her head and mumbled under her breath as she diligently stirred her sauce pot.

“Sorry love.” Dave sounded meekly from the dining doorway as he stepped back into the kitchen.

I raised both bottles of wine and handed them to him. He took them with a smile and retreated once more into the dining room. I walked over to the stove behind Sarah and leaned over and kissed her bare right shoulder where it meets her graceful and bare neck.

“Thank you, Sarah. Really, but you don’t have to try to fix me up with anyone. I’m okay. I’ll play nice though… this time. You saucy wench you!” I spoke softly near her ear and she leaned back into me for a moment and sighed before returning her attention to her cooking and bit her bottom lip.

“Anything I can do to help?” I asked, taking a half step back to give her room.



“Pull the breadsticks out of the oven for me… let me move out of the way first, grab those oven mitts the pan is hot.” She said lightly, smiling like I’d given her a gift.

I grabbed the oven mitts and slipped them on and after Sarah stepped aside and pulled the oven door open, I reached in and grabbed the baking sheet and pulled the hot breadsticks out of the oven. Sarah closed the oven door behind me and motioned me over to the counter beside the stove where there was a waiting basket for them. I held the pan with one hand and she removed the oven mitt from my free hand so that I could transfer the bread to the basket. While she took her pasta pot to the sink to pour through a colander.

“Okay… so what’s her name? Gonna give me a little background to work with or do I have to play twenty questions with this mystery girl?” I queried Sara as she tried to stay busy and avoid my resigned if questioning looks towards her.

Sarah just bit her bottom lip and shrugged her shoulders as she drained the pasta and moved it into a serving dish. Her furtive glances at me told me that she was dying to start talking but I had to play the game first. Dave came back into the kitchen intent on grabbing another long neck from the fridge and he looked between Sarah and me and back still biting his lip but grinning like a Cheshire cat. I gave him a pleading look with my arms out and hand palm up in supplication. Dave just chuckled silently to himself and shrugged as he nodded towards Sarah as he slinked back out of the kitchen to the den.

“Jim… She’s a nice girl. Give her a chance… please? For me?” Sarah said as she shuffled over to stand in front of me holding the serving dish full of pasta ready to be taken to the dining table.



“Does this ‘nice’ girl have a name?” I pressed even as I reached out to relieve her of the porcelain pasta dish.



“It’s Francine… but her friends call her Franky.” Sarah said with a smile, her big dark eyes literally sparkling with glee.

“And…” I prodded as I slowly headed towards the dining room with the pasta. Sarah grabbed a bundle of silverware and napkins and the basket of bread sticks and followed me grinning from ear to ear.

“Franky is a red head…” Sarah teased, knowing that I had a penchant for redheads that even I couldn’t explain.



“Sarah… you’re killing me! What are you NOT telling me?” I all but begged as I gripped the back of one of the dining room chairs after having deposited the serving dish of pasta in the middle of the table.

Sarah fussed around the other side of the table setting out napkins and silverware at each place setting all the while grinning but avoiding looking directly at me. UGH! This was like pulling teeth. I could hear Dave chuckle from the other room, he thought it was hilarious that someone other than him was getting “the treatment.” When Sarah got around to the place setting behind which I was standing, she put the napkin and silverware down then turned to me. Looking me straight in the eyes she lifted and wrapped her arms around my neck and leaned her head in to touch my forehead with hers.

“Jim, I don’t expect you to fall in love with her but give her a chance, she really is a sweet girl. She’s lonely like you…” she stopped when I pulled my head back and squinted my eyes at her giving what could almost be called a grimace.

“Sarah… I’m not lonely. I have lots of friends and I… well I do okay now and then… but I’m not lonely.” I admonished her softly so as not to sound too harsh or bitter.

To her credit, Sarah didn’t laugh outright, but she did raise one eyebrow questioningly and turn her head slightly to one side affecting that sidelong look that some women have perfected and use when they are doubtful of something a man says but lets him have a little more rope before saying anything.

“Some things you will have to ask her… be nice though… she really is a” and I cut her off by finishing the sentence for her…

“… a nice girl… yeah you’ve told me that already. Just like you told me about Tammy, and Denise, and what was that other girl’s name… the one with the lazy eye?” I gave her my doubtful look again as she started giggling and took my hand to lead me back to the kitchen.

As luck would have it, there was knock at the front door. We heard Dave whoosh and rise from his recliner to answer the door… even though it was open and only the screen door barring anyone from just walking right in. We heard Dave say hi and tell Franky to come on in. Sarah turned to me, her eyes bright but almost pleading again. Her smile was both hopeful and a little uncertain.

“Please Jim… give her a chance… for me.” She pleaded in a whisper as she looked into my eyes. Her hands were on each of my arms at the elbows.

“I’ll play nice Sarah… for you.” I said with a smile.

Sara smiled brightly and leaned in and gave me a peck on the cheek. And then she was off going around the corner to the den to meet Franky. I heard that girly gleeful squeal that girls (women even) do when they meet sometimes. Franky had not come empty handed, she had brought what she thought would be a fitting desert, a tiramisu. Sure, it was made at a grocery store bakery maybe but it was still thoughtful. Sarah made a fuss over it, embarrassing Franky.

My first impression and sight of her was an almost orange head of curls coming around the corner elbow locked with Sara. Franky was red in the face from embarrassment but still looked pleased at the reception. I was leaning up against the kitchen counter at the sink, my legs crossed casually in front of me, I had one hand resting on the counter top edge and the other holding a glass of ice water having just taken a sip as they were coming into the room. Franky kind of paused uncertainly upon seeing me and darted a glance to Sarah.

Apparently, Franky was just as surprised at having a fourth for dinner as I had been. Hmmm… the plot thickens. I half lifted my glass in a silent toast of welcome and smiled nonchalantly tilting my head a little questioningly myself. I looked at Sarah who was smiling from ear to ear, even if sheepishly as she looked back and forth between Franky and myself trying to figure out how to begin and make introductions. I should have let her sweat a little longer but I took pity on her… or maybe just wanted to get a hand in this before it got… well… out of hand.

“Hi… Franky, is it? I’m Jim… and I was as surprised as you are that there would be… other guests… for dinner tonight. I hope you will forgive our sneaky little hostess, she really does mean well… I think.” I spoke warmly with a soft almost bashful smile for Franky.

Sarah glared holes through me for about two seconds then rolled her eyes and took a deep breath before she turned to Franky holding her by the elbows much as she had just done to me a few moments ago. With her head hanging down bashfully or maybe sheepishly would better describe the look. Sarah looked up hesitantly at Franky while biting her lower lip and started grinning despite herself.

“Francine… I’m sorry I didn’t tell you that Jim would be joining us tonight. I wanted to surprise the both of you… really. I love you both and I think that maybe… just maybe… you two might grow to like each other as well.” Sarah spoke softly and ended with a bit of a pout still looking sheepish.

From the den Dave called out loudly… “I don’t hear any dishes being thrown or breaking in there. Is everyone okay? Is it time to eat yet?” He ended with a loud chuckle.

Sarah took a deep breath and rolled her neck as well as her eyes as she released Franky’s arms and raised her hands to the heavens as if to say “Why Me God? Why ME?” But what she said was “PUT A SOCK IN IT DAVE!” then huffed out a breath before turning back to Franky and smiling apologetically, she raised both eyebrows questioningly and shrugged cutely. Franky looked over at me and squinted suspiciously at first till she saw me chuckling silently then she smiled a closed mouth smile taking a deep breath herself and nodded to Sarah and returned her shrug as if to say “Okay, I’m game.” Sarah BEAMED and almost jumped in place clapping her hands like a little girl on Christmas morning. Almost… what she did was kind of bob a little in place and whispered “Thank you Franky…” before snapping into full on Italian mom mode at dinner time.

“Jim, grab that bowl of salad out of the fridge, Franky let’s put your desert in the fridge for now. Here, some matches for the candles. DAVE! Come here! I need you to carry the cacciatore to the table! I’ll just pour this sauce into the tureen for the pasta. DAVE! NOW!” Franky and I both just looked at each other and started giggling silently. “MOVE PEOPLE!” Sara commanded… and we moved.

I followed Franky into the dining room. Yeah, I couldn’t help but to check out my dinner date. She was not exactly slim but she was trim and…well… sturdy. I like the way her ample hips flowed into shapely legs and a fairly nice back side from what I could discern even though it was well covered by her light summer sun dress. Franky wore some lacy tie up sandals that wrap or weave up the legs to just under the knee, they had what looked like wedge heels made of cork or something. I thought it was kind of cute how her toenail polish was almost the same color as her hair. That’s accessorizing! So too where her delicate looking fingernails.

Indeed, there were candles, off on a side table I set the salad down on the side table and I was followed by Dave who had the casserole dish with the cacciatore in both oven mitt covered hands. He set it down on the side table on a trivet. Sarah came in with the tureen of sauce which she set on the dining table next to the pasta dish. I opened first the red wine, at Sarah’s request, she said it would go better with the salad and antipasto. And we all took our seats.

Sara and Dave sat across the table from one another and that meant that Francine and I would be doing likewise. I had pulled out Sarah’s chair for her to sit earning myself a smile and getting a dagger sharp glare from her towards Dave. I also reached and pulled out Franky’s chair as well. This seemed to confuse Franky for a moment… I guess not many guys have ever done that for her. I keep running into these situations… I guess I’m archaic with my manners at times. Things I was taught as a youngster and stuck with me into adulthood seem to be strange to so many. Like holding doors for strangers, or pulling out a chair for a lady. Franky did sit and smiled uncertainly at me before glancing at Sarah. How is that women seem to be able to have entire conversations with just a silent look or a couple of facial expressions? I’ll never understand them, I think.

Dinner was off to a cautious start. The antipasto was wonderful the salad okay, I guess. I didn’t have too much of either, not because it wasn’t good but because I knew that Sarah had at least two more courses to go and then there was desert at the end as well. I think Franky was a lot more nervous than she let on as she too hardly ate much of the first course or salad.

Sarah kept the conversation light even badgering Dave now and them to get his opinion on one thing or another. Sara, and Dave when prompted, extolled my friendship to them for Franky’s benefit, telling her about how I help out so much with little repair projects or working on their car. Sarah had to make a fuss about my cooking too. Franky seemed a little impressed at that seeing as she, like I, practically worshiped Sarah’s cooking skills. If Sarah said someone was a good cook, the statement had some weight.

I managed to put forth a question now and then to Franky about where she was from, what she did for a living, what kind of interests she had or hobbies maybe. I found out that she too was on the local bulletin board scene with her computer. We talked a little about different boards that we both frequented and some of the users on them. I gave as much information as I received of course. I discovered that Franky was a transplant, like Sarah and Dave but she was originally from Ohio rather than New Jersey. I had a momentary pang of conscience at hearing that as I remembered someone else in my life that also had moved from Ohio to Kentucky and… well… I have to just remember the joy and move on and not dwell on that line of thought. Sarah must have seen a look on my face or something as she looked at me silently questioning if I was okay. I smiled weakly and shrugged and returned to the conversation at hand.

While we were all having some of the pasta and bread sticks, I made a remark on something that Dave had said about Sarah’s fear of driving here locally, being a kid from New Jersey she was much more accustomed to traveling by train or bus. I forget what I cracked wise about but it got chuckles and laughs from the whole table… including Sarah. But what was revealing, to me anyway was that Franky finally smiled showing her teeth… and the gap between her front teeth. Now it’s not as bad as you might think, yeah there was a gap, a significant gap, but it wasn’t all that unattractive. However, I realized that Franky was very self-conscious about it.

I also determined that Franky’s hair color was indeed natural and not bottle born. Her eyebrows were even rusty red. I think she had lots of freckles on her fair skin as well but they were very well camouflaged by her make up. Her eyes… I don’t know how I missed them the first time I saw her as she entered the kitchen with Sarah. I mean I did I guess, they just didn’t register in my mind at that moment, but now, sitting across the table from her eating dinner I could see that they were a pale gray… almost silver really. There was an intelligence in them that I could appreciate… and something more…. something familiar. A nagging thought tugging at the back of my subconscious trying to take hold of my attention and come to the forefront of my awareness.

I tried not to stare or be creepy but I studied Franky’s eyes as much as I could. I was fascinated by their color and coolness… and warmth. Wait… warmth? And there it was. I looked to Dave and he was oblivious to most goings on at the table, only responding when prompted and pretty much just watching his plate and his food as he ate. Sara was in her element, she talked and joked and engaged all of us singly and as a group… even throwing daggers at Dave with her eyes but still being civil to him as we ate and talked. But watching Franky I more or less confirmed my suspicions after noting her eyes.

Franky would glance at me or Dave… briefly in Dave’s case, hesitantly and uncertain in my case… but when she looked at Sarah. Well… there was more than just a little warmth in her silver-gray eyes then. I would imagine that when Franky looked at Sarah all the rest of the world sort of faded into the background and there might very well have been music playing in her mind. Franky was infatuated with Sarah… I suspected it went a lot deeper than merely friendship… perhaps a secret longing and desire to be far closer than friends with our lovely dark-haired hostess. Yeah, she hung on Sarah’s every word… she was… hmm… I’ll not call it outright but I strongly suspect that Franky and I would never be much more than friends.

That realization was a bit of a turning point for me that evening. I really relaxed as I knew I was not going to play at winning over miss Francine… I probably didn’t stand a chance if I did anyway, but that’s fine. I have been aware of and comfortable with people with alternative lifestyles and sexual orientations for most of my adult life. I really am open minded and happy to let others be happy with their own desires. Some of my dearest and oldest friends shared my interests in the fairer sex, even if they themselves were of that same gender. The fact that it didn’t bother me and I didn’t judge them for their own inclinations earned me respect and acceptance amongst them.

The pasta was filling and quite tasty but the cacciatore was magnificent. Even Dave had to praise Sarah for this dish. Franky seemed to almost be orgasmic as she savored every bite… I had to agree with her though as it truly was something to write about. Sarah was beside herself that all of us raved about it. That and what she thought was a winning match maker play between Francine and myself. I was almost sorry that I would have to burst her bubble… sometime… but not tonight. I would let her soak in her joy and happiness for now. Dave, still oblivious to it all but seemed to sense something was up as he gave me a curious look on the sly. I looked at him and shrugged but only a half-smile that he inferred as a “Thanks but not really.”

Dave and I rose when the girls seemed to be finished with the main course. I gathered some of the plates and dishes to help clear the table. Dave carried the leftovers, which there was very little of actually to the kitchen while the girls sat and talked over their wine. I made a second trip to the dining room to get the salad bowl and bread basket as Dave got out some smaller plates for the desert. Sarah and Franky were head-to-head whispering conspiratorially and giggling. How much of that was from the wine and how much was from what they were discussing is beyond me.

When I came back into the dining room carrying the tiramisu that Franky had brought, Dave or Sarah one had placed the candles from the side table to the main dining table and lit them. Dave was just turning down the overhead lights as I set the desert on the table in front of Sarah. She went on fawning over the desert for Franky’s benefit I’m sure but it was cut and served. Sarah couldn’t let the opportunity pass though, she had to say something.

“A toast…” She said raising her wine glass, the white wine glistening in the candle light as she smiled and looked between the rest of us, Franky, myself and even Dave.

“To good friends…” She offered.

We all lifted our glasses in agreement and assented with “here… here” or the same words she had spoken “To good friends.” And then we all drank… and began eating desert.

I watched Franky and her eyes. They really were very lovely in the candlelight… I smiled sadly to myself thinking that it would have been nice to get to know what made those beautiful eyes shine so brightly but I knew in my heart that they would not have shone for me… oh well… To each his… or her… own. It was getting late by the time we polished off the last of the wine. I thanked Sarah and Dave for inviting me to dinner and praised Sarah yet again for her fantastic meal. I also, begrudgingly thanked her for setting me up to meet miss Francine. She truly was a lovely young lady and I was happy to make her acquaintance.

Francine too, decided it would be time for her to depart as well. She too thanked our guests and even thanked me for a wonderful dinner conversation. We both offered to help clean up but Sarah would hear nothing of it. She happily shooed the two of us out of the dining room, walking with us to the den and the front door. Sarah and Franky hugged as only two friends can… but I detected, again, a little more in Franky’s enjoyment of it. I think she noticed that I had noticed as well but seemed to relax when I surreptitiously winked at her. Then it was my turn for the Sarah hug. Yeah, it has its own name… as it should. When Sarah hugs it’s a HUG! The woman is not bashful in the least, and oh my, the woman has softness and curves and charms all her own that just… just feel so good when she throws that hug on you. I had to sigh when she released me and I know I was blushing a bit too.

Francine picked up on this as well. Not surprising to me really as she was quite fixated on Sarah to begin with. I merely smiled at her sheepishly and gave that little head tilt and micro shrug. I asked if I could walk her to her car… mostly for Sarah’s benefit but also because I wanted to talk to Franky in private for a moment. She accepted, I think because she too wanted to bend my ear for a moment as well. We said our goodbyes to Dave and Sarah as we walked out to the street and to our cars.

We strolled along casually, in no hurry, almost touching at our hips but maintaining a comfortable distance as almost strangers might. I could feel Sarah’s eyes on the back of my neck, probably peeping out of the kitchen window over the sink… probably too, with her fingers crossed. I had to chuckle at that thought.

“What’s so funny?” Franky asked curiously.

“Sarah.” I said as if that explained everything.

“Sarah? What’s so funny about Sarah?” Franky asked guardedly. I could almost feel her tensing even though we weren’t even touching one another.

“Yeah, she’s got such a big heart… and big dreams.” I said clarifying my thoughts a bit for Franky.

‘Nothing wrong with dreams.” She said a little wistfully.

“No, nothing wrong with dreams, I guess. As long as you don’t put too many hopes in them, they can be disappointing when they don’t pan out the way you had hoped or… dreamed.” I said a little cryptically.

“It sounds like you’ve been disappointed before Jim.” Franky said as she turned and leaned her cute backside against the driver side door of her car, folding her arms across her chest, just under her modest but nicely proportioned breasts.

“You would be correct. Still though I try not to rain on everyone else’s parade. She is such a sweet lady I really don’t want to hurt her.” I confessed. Waiting to see if perhaps Franky would offer up more.

“You know, don’t you?” Franky asked softly after a moment or two. I pondered for a moment before responding. I could easily say something that would hurt her or anger her but I didn’t want to do that. Still though I knew I had to say something, to at least let her know that it might be a waste of her time.

“Franky… What you feel and who you feel it for is your business only. Well… yours and whomever you choose to share it with I suppose. I’m not judging you in any way. It’s cool by me, really…” I offered in way of an olive branch with a sincere and steady voice.

“But…?” She asked waiting for a little more clarification perhaps.

“But… Sarah has no clue that you are into her far more than she… would be… towards you. I’m not saying she doesn’t like you, that’s obvious, she adores you… but not the way you do her. Of course, I could be wrong. There’s a possibility that she might take a liking to… the fairer sex… but I have never gotten that vibe from her.” I said trying to make the point but not be too harsh about it.

Franky hung her head and was silent for an almost uncomfortable amount of time. I could see her fingers flexing and flicking at her elbows as she ruminated over what I had just said, and perhaps replaying other conversations with Sarah in her head. After a while she looked up at me as I stood there in front of her with my hands in my back pockets, my head tilted down almost sheepishly as I chewed the inside of my cheeks while she contemplated what I had said.

“So, what now?” Franky asked with resignation.

“I don’t know Franky, that’s up to you. I’m not warning you off or telling you not to pursue anything I’m just giving you a heads up. I love Sarah too as a very dear friend and I wouldn’t want to see her get hurt… and I wouldn’t want to see you get hurt either really. I can’t fault you for your interest. Hell, if she weren’t married, I’d be chasing her too… probably. More likely she’d be chasing whoever took her fancy.” I said in a conspiratorial voice, not quite a whisper.

Franky actually laughed out loud at that. She then shook her head and took a deep breath. Interesting things happen when she takes a deep breath… her chest rises… I sighed and shook my own head a little sadly but grinned at her all the same.

“Jim, it really was nice to meet you. You’re…unique.” She said lightly as she leaned a little to one side to look past me and grinned at me when she looked back at me.

“I get that a lot… and what are you grinning at? I just burst your bubble and you’re smiling?” I asked curiously myself.

“I think Sarah’s watching us… I saw the curtains in the window moving.” She said with a little mischief in her voice now.

“Yeah, I’ve felt her eyes on us since we stepped off the porch a few minutes ago. You know she really is trying to fix us up together… which tells me she has no clue as to your…interests.” I said with a raised eyebrow.

“You say you love her too?” Franky asked giving me a bit of a sidelong glance with those silvery gray eyes of hers. It was almost mesmerizing.

“Y… yeah. I mean like a friend, or even family maybe. I’m not romantically inclined to her but that is probably because my conscience keeps me from taking too much interest in married women… or tries to at least. I’ve slipped before but those were different circumstances… Why?” I finally askes, my curiosity getting the better of me at that moment.

Franky stood up from where she was leaning against her car and stepped closer to me. She unfolded her arms and brought her hands to my elbows. Standing toe to toe with me she looked up slightly and then twisted a bit to my right side to peek over my shoulder again towards the kitchen window to see if she could see Sarah peeping. Sarah smiled devilishly and licked her lips. That was… wow… interesting.

Turning back to me, looking up into my eyes Franky winked and said softly to follow her lead. She slipped her hands from my elbows to my waist and wrapped her arms around me pulling herself a little closer to me. My own arms responded without my even thinking about it as they wrapped themselves around Franky’s warm inviting frame.

“I know you’re not a girl, Jim, but I have a feeling you have been kissed by one a time or two. Am I right?” She stated more than asked as she moved her face closer towards my own.

Our faces tilted slightly as our noses brushed alongside one another and with her eyes wide open, those intriguingly beautiful eyes… our lips met in a soft collision. It was tentative at best. Not cold or rushed but there was no fiery spark there either. There was as warmth and sensuousness that I’ve shared a time or two with others in my life, sure it was pleasant. Yet I knew, somehow, that this was all for show… for Sarah’s benefit. No tongue, no heavy petting, not even breathlessness. Just a sweet innocent… okay…not so innocent maybe… kiss between to consenting adults. It was sensual and very enjoyable but then I’ve always loved to kiss and be kissed by a beautiful girl. Oh hell, who am I kidding, most any girl really, even one who has no interests in men whatsoever.

Over my shoulder, we heard some frantic sounding whispering coming from the darkened kitchen window. I suspect that Sarah was beckoning for Dave to come see what was going on. It was Franky that broke the kiss first. She couldn’t help herself from smiling as she turned her head and laid it on my left shoulder, mostly to have a peek in the direction of the window. I was almost overwhelmed. The feel of a warm vibrant, and yes, attractive woman pressed closely against my own body… the swell of her breasts pressing into my chest, the feel of her arms about me and her soft face lying on my shoulder and neck… if I didn’t know better it would be very easy to be swept away.

“Thank you for playing along, Jim.” Franky whispered softly into my ear and then she stood up straight and pulled back, even if a little reluctantly. She looked a little sheepish as she smiled at me and glanced furtively at my face and eyes. In the back of my mind, I heard a little voice telling me “Yeah buddy, this one still has feelings for guys too… sometimes.”

“My pleasure Francine.” I deliberately responded with her given name. Letting her know that I admired the WOMAN that she is as well as the person she chooses to be.

“I’m sure Sarah got a thrill out of that little show. Thank you for that. You didn’t have to do that you know.” I said softly but meaning every word.

“I know, but… I like her… maybe it’s just infatuation and not really love but if it made her happy to see us… together, even if only for a few minutes, then it was worth it. Besides… you’re not a bad kisser buddy.” She smiled as she teased me a bit. Wrapping her left arm across her body under her breasts again to hold her right arm at the elbow while her right hand idly ran up and down my left arm as my hands were still resting lightly on her hips.

“You know, Sarah has tried to set me up before… and I’m sure she will again… but I’m kind of glad I at least got to meet you Franky. You’re alright. And you know what?” I asked baiting her a little.

“What?” She responded turning her head a little to one side suspiciously.



“Preferences and inclinations as they might be… if you ever want to dabble on the other side of the fence, I’d be happy to lend you, my lips.” I said smiling and softened it with a wink. “I could always use some practice, I’m a little rusty.” I added.

“Rusty?” Franky barked out as a laugh. “If that’s rusty… well…” She shivered slightly bringing her right arm across her waist to grab her left arm at the elbow. “Hmmmm… I’ll make sure I get your number from Sarah… that’ll make her think that her plan is working… you know…” She said a little sheepishly again but was smiling brightly and that gap in her front teeth peeked out for a moment.

“Goodnight, Franky.” I said with a smile as I started to turn to walk to my own car.

“Jim… wait…” Franky called out almost urgently in a whispering voice. I turned back to her.

“Yes?” I asked quietly.

“You… you won’t tell her… will you?” Franky asked humbly maybe even a little worried, the look in her eyes was definitely of concern.

“No Franky, your secret is safe with me. That’s up to you and her. If you want to come out to her and let her know how you feel that’s your business. I really wasn’t warning you off, I just didn’t want to see anyone get hurt over misunderstandings or mixed emotions. You know Sarah likes you for you… maybe only as a friend, and in a way that sucks. I know… I’ve been there many times myself, but it’s still something. It’s up to you to decide if you want more and what you are willing to risk to go for it. Bear in mind though, she is married and despite how they carry on a lot of the time those two in there really do love one another… I hope you find something like that with someone too… I hope I find something like that for myself someday… again.” I said and felt a lump growing in my throat as unbidden memories came rushing to mind. I shook my head to clear the haze and smiled, if somewhat sadly, at Franky and nodded to her acknowledging her plight.

Franky stood there searching my eyes and I guess she found nothing but the truth that I had offered her. She sighed heavily and shrugged her shoulders resignedly before setting her pretty face into a disappointed smirk and turning to open her driver side car door. Over her right shoulder she turned to me once more and hung her head for a moment then spoke again.

“Thank you, Jim. I get the feeling that took a lot for you to just say. Listen… if you ever need someone to talk to… I mean I know we’ve just met but… seriously. I’m a good listener. Just saying.” She smiled warmly this time and shrugged again then turned to get into her car.

I Smiled in return and gave her a half-hearted wave as I resumed my short trek to my own car. After I got in and started the engine, I could see the curtains in Dave and Sarah’s kitchen window move a bit.

“The show is over Sarah” I thought to myself as I put my car in gear and drove away towards home.

Home was not far from Dave and Sarah’s duplex, only a couple of blocks away. It’s one of the reasons I hung out with them as much as I did, they were close, both as friends and by location. Usually when I got off work at the plant, I didn’t feel up to going anywhere or doing much of anything but since they lived so close it wasn’t much of a hassle. I really enjoyed their company.

I had met the two online at one of the bulletin boards that I frequented here in town, Night Friends. Over the years I had met many good people and made many close friends. Dave was a character in the trivia chat room, and pretty damned good at the trivia game itself… Sarah was not so much into the game but she did like to talk. Oh, my lord, did she like to talk! But then, so did I. We talked a lot online before we ever met in person. It was at one of the bulletin board get togethers that we had every so often, that I finally met them in person. Everyone met at a local eatery to socialize and have dinner.

When I met them, I really took a liking to them. I mean I was already friends with them online but in person we all just seemed to click. The first time I looked into Sarah’s big dark eyes I knew that I would be seeing a lot more of her, it was a connection that can’t be explained really… just a feeling. I got the impression that she needed someone to talk to… in depth, and not just about the weather or trivia or mundane stuff like that. We exchanged phone numbers that first meeting and it wasn’t long before we were sharing dinners and playing cards and other things that friends do.

Of course, having someone to talk to finally was a blessing for Sarah. She and Dave had transplanted from New Jersey to Kentucky because of Dave’s work. Dave seemed to be able to make friends with most anyone so he didn’t have any problems, but Sarah felt like she was on a deserted island with her only outlet being online at the bulletin board, and what few customers she spoke with at the pharmacy that she worked at part time. So, when they befriended me and she found that I had a willing ear to listen she finally began to shine. We would talk for hours on the phone, often after I got home from work in the mornings as I worked nights at the time. I would lay in bed and listen… and talk some, but mostly just listen.

All of my life I’ve had this thing about me, well, all of my life from say junior high school on anyway. People I knew would talk to me. I mean really open up and tell me stuff about them and their lives that I had no business knowing or need to know for that matter. I know I have an open mind and I try not to judge anyone for most anything really but why they feel they can or need to tell me stuff, private, stuff, personal stuff… I’ll never understand. So, I wasn’t the least bit surprised when Sarah opened up to me and before long, I was being told her deepest darkest secrets. Her fears, her concerns, her hopes and dreams.

Unasked and unsought, I learned that Sarah had been abused as a young girl by a family member no less. It had scarred her for life. She had self-esteem issues that she struggled mightily to overcome. I learned that she had had a miscarriage as a teenager… a pregnancy that was a result of having been raped. She had no idea who it was that had attacked her but still, losing the child cut into her soul. She turned to drinking and drugs for many years, going so far as to sell her body to be able to get her fixes. She had contemplated suicide more than once. Dark days in her life indeed. But then she met Dave.

They both worked together at the post office, for a while. She found a caring soul and a man she could love in Dave, and he was head over heels in love with her as well. They did get married. They had plans for starting a family. Sarah had cleaned up by this time of course, she had been clean and sober for two years before meeting Dave and still straight all these years later. Unfortunately, she found that she could not bear children. That was one of her biggest regrets, not being able to give Dave any children.



Over the months that followed our meeting and becoming friends, I had enjoyed many a wonderful meal with Dave and Sarah. I found that Sarah was an amazing cook, especially all things Italian. Of course, she being of Italian heritage and having grown up with superb cooks like her own mother and grandmother, it was a no brainer that she too would have such skill. Sarah was delighted to try to teach me how to make many of the dishes and she was also quite impressed that I was something of a decent cook myself. Often, we would work together making dinner for the three of us, sometimes it would be Dave and I making dinner… on the grill anyway… and giving Sarah the night off. That was usually on the nights that Sarah had to work at the pharmacy.

It was during those times when Dave and I were alone that he dug a little deeper into my background. Sure, there was the superficial stuff like where I grew up and where’d I go to school that kind of thing, but also more in depth like past relationships and the like. I didn’t go into a lot of detail as that was far too painful for me to revisit some parts of my life as it was. I didn’t need to break down and lose it. I guess he was intuitive enough to see or sense when I would get a little choked up and would often change the subject to something lighter.

As it was though, Dave learned that I had indeed been deeply in love twice in my adult life, both times ending tragically unfortunately. I admitted that I was very hesitant to invest myself like that again but that I had found the company of a few ladies over the years and I wasn’t complaining even if there were dry spells now and then. Meeting people online had really opened up the door to several opportunities. I didn’t mention anyone in particular but I implied that several of our friends on the bulletin board we shared, were quite close indeed… from time to time.

Often dating, as it were, is next to impossible when you get down to logistics. If one works a full-time job, and your person of interest also works full time, unless you share similar schedules, it can be problematic. That I work nights makes that doubly problematic. So, potential relationships often die on the vine so to speak. I was aware of it, Dave learned of it and of course shared everything, I would assume, with Sarah… so she was aware of my predicament as well. This is why she took such pains and joy in trying to fix me up, I think.

I don’t know for certain, but I think Sarah spoke with several of the friends I had mentioned online at Night Friends. No matter how old I get I’m always reminded of a few simple facts of life… like GIRLS TALK. It’s like an intelligence network or something. Secrets get shared, plans get made, and… and… Oh hell I don’t know what else… anything and EVERYTHING. Plain and simple Girls gotta talk and Girls are GONNA talk. So, I know for a fact that she learned things about me that Dave had not garnered from his private conversations with me while we waited on her to get home from work.

Sarah wasn’t the only one finding things out though. I have always been something of a people watcher. I guess it stemmed partly from my being so shy most of my younger life. I learned to observe people. I learned to spot clues and cues in body language as well as outward appearances that didn’t seem to mesh with how a person acted or spoke. I didn’t have to try too hard to find or notice clues but I sensed early on that even though there was no doubt that Sarah and Dave loved one another dearly there was something missing. I didn’t think it was my business though so I never mentioned it or asked about it from either of them. They were my friends after all, and that was private unto them only. I did hope they would work things out though.

I had to wonder however, if perhaps this obsession of Sarah’s with trying to fix me up might be some sort of unconscious compensation for her own problems. I did appreciate her well-meaning and knew her heart was in the right place but I was starting to tire of her efforts all the same. I realized that I was going to have to have a serious talk with her at some point. I didn’t want to hurt her feelings but really. I sighed internally at the thought.

It was almost two weeks after that last surprise blind date with an equally surprised Francine… er… Franky, before I had a night off that would allow me to have dinner again with Dave and Sarah. Oh, I had been over to their house a couple of times, once to pick Sarah up from work because her car battery was dead and Dave was out of town on a sales call. She often walked the two miles from home to the pharmacy and back after getting off work, but this time it had been raining and I was off so it was no problem for me.

Another time their washing machine had begun spewing water all over the laundry room… again, Dave had been out of town. He was due back that evening but it was an emergency. All it turned out to be was the drain hose had popped out of the wall mount. Not a hard fix. I was rewarded with hugs and kisses though all over my cheeks. I just shook my head and smiled and took my reward. Dave called to thank me later that evening as well.

The coals in the grill were hot and ready to begin cooking. Dave handed me another wine cooler as he came out with a plate full of franks and hamburgers to begin cooking. As I sat on the back porch of their duplex and watched the next-door neighbor washing her car, Dave smiled at me and winked. I had to grin, I had been busted, again.

“Well, I suppose it’s better that you caught me ogling your neighbor than Sarah.” I said with a shrug.

“Yeah, she’d be calling Vicky over to talk… and to introduce you two.” Dave said with a chuckle as he rolled some franks around with his tongs in one hand and holding a long neck in the other.

“I know she means well Dave, but really. Please tell me she’s not planning anything tonight.” I almost pleaded.

“Not to my knowledge, Jim. She’s still a little disappointed with the last time with Franky.” He said with a shrug turning back to the grill.

“Sarah thought that she had finally found someone for you that you liked. She was excited until she found out that you two didn’t work out after that first night.” Dave related.

“Franky… Francine… is a lovely girl, really, but I have far more in common with her than her interests in me.” I said in an aside. Dave turned to look at me with one eyebrow raised questioningly.

“What do you mean? I thought having common interests was a good thing.” Dave spoke.

“Well… girls for instance…” I said vaguely hoping Dave would pick up the hint without me spelling it out. But the blank look on his face told me I would have to elaborate further.

“Francine was far more interested in Sarah than in me.” I told Dave, still trying to let him pick up the hint.

“Francine… Uh Franky was interested in Sarah?” Dave asked still puzzled then I guess he finally caught on to what I was trying to say without coming right out and saying that Franky was gay. Both of Dave’s eyebrows shot up and his mouth formed a silent “OH” then he smirked and shook his head turning back to the grill again to flip some burgers.

“Dave… please don’t tell Sarah. I told Franky… Francine, that I wouldn’t say anything. She really is a nice girl… just a little different.” I all but pleaded of Dave. He gave me that closed mouth smile with a little shrug of his head and nodded. I guess he agreed that there was no sense in alarming Sarah over nothing.

“I can ask her to give it a rest with the match making too, but I wouldn’t hold your breath if I were you.” Dave said again with another shrug.

“Yeah, I figured I’d have to have a serious talk with her soon anyway. I mean I know she means well but I really don’t need any help finding someone Dave, honestly.” I lamented as I absentmindedly watched their neighbor… Vicky… as she leaned way out over the hood of her Honda, in her daisy dukes shorts and that now soaking wet halter top. I had to smile and shake my head. It was about this time that Dave and I both heard Sarah from the kitchen.

“Where is everyone?” Sarah shouted questioningly. “Could I get a hand with these groceries?” She added not so much asking as demanding. Dave took a deep breath and leaned his head back to stare at the heavens for a moment or two before his shoulders slumped. Turning to me he gave me an imploring look and a half smile. I took the hint, I mean, after all, he was tending the grill.

“Whose melodious voice was that I heard just now?” I asked teasingly as I stepped through the sliding glass doors from the deck into the dining room just off the kitchen.

“Oh, Hi Jim!” Sarah brightened smiling as she set down her purse and a couple of paper grocery sacks. “Come on, I’ve got a couple of more bags in the car.” She said as she turned on her heel and headed back out the door from the kitchen to the living room and to the front door.

I followed her, and couldn’t help but to notice the spring in her step. Was she in a good mood, or was she bubbling with anticipation over some unknown arrangement headed my way? Or could it be… no… not that, Sarah is head over heels in love with Dave, even if they do squabble and fuss like an old married couple. I shook my head to clear my thoughts of that line of thinking.

“I knew Dave was cooking burgers and dogs on the grill for dinner tonight but I thought we should have other things to eat as well, especially for dessert.” Sarah spoke conspiratorially as she handed me two bags from the trunk of their car, before grabbing the last one for herself. She closed the lid on the trunk and we walked back into the house and to the kitchen. She set down her bag and then took first one then the other from me.

“Dave pretty well has the grill under control, do you need a hand with anything in here?” I asked feeling like I should be contributing a little effort for dinner. Besides, it gave me an excuse to work on that little talk I was determined to have with Sarah about all these blind dates she kept trying to set me up with.

Sarah was taking items out of the grocery bags and organizing them on the counter space. She smiled at me and nodded in silent thanks… before leaning towards the dining room door to shout to Dave.

“How much longer out there, sweetie?” She then looked at me and added softly “I hope he’s not had too many beers yet or this salad might be dinner.” She smirked and then asked me to hand her the big salad bowl off the top of the fridge.

“Be just a couple of more minutes!” We heard Dave shout in return to answer Sarah’s question.

“Oh, Jim… hand me the Mayonnaise from the fridge too, and get the big wooden spoon and a knife. I’ll put you busy cutting up some fruit.” Sarah said as she was a flurry of motion and ingredients were being torn, broken or chopped and tossed into the salad bowl.

I was handed two apples, a pear, two bananas, and a bag of grapes and told to cut them into bite sized pieces. The grapes were to be cut in half. I dutifully did as I was told as I did the math in my head for the number of servings being prepared. I relaxed a little knowing that it was just about right for three people, instead of four.

With the fruit cut up and, in the bowl, Sarah took the wooden spoon and dolloped a spoonful or two of mayonnaise into the bowl as well. She grabbed some ground cinnamon from the cabinet and dusted the mixture a bit. She did the same with some ground Ginger, and nutmeg, before having me grab bottle of white wine out of the fridge. I pulled the cork back out of the half empty bottle and she splashed in about a half a cup of the vino into the bowl. A little stirring and a taste… The cute dark Italianesque face of my friend scrunched up as her eyes squinted shut as she pondered the flavors from the taste test. Then her eyes brightened and she smiled that dazzling bright smile of hers and said…

“It only needs one more thing… behind you in the second drawer down from the silverware… there’s a bag of mini marshmallows.” Sarah said… implying I should fetch them for her of course. And I did. I handed her the bag of marshmallows.

“Thank you, Jim.” She said as she opened the bag and began shaking mini marshmallows into the bowl. I stirred with the wooden spoon and watched Sarah’s face.

“Thank you.” I said softly. This puzzled Sarah and she stopped shaking marshmallows for a moment looking at me with her head tilted ever so slightly to one side as if to question why I said thank you.

“For what?” Sarah asked as she resumed shaking marshmallows from the bag but watching my face with furtive glances.

“For not trying to set me up with a new friend or a somebody you’ve met and thought I might like too…” I said politely and softly making the same sort of furtive glances at her as she was giving me. I actually saw her blush a little before she launched into a well-practiced speech.

“I’m only looking out for you Jim. Is it bad for me to want you to be happy? You’re too nice of a catch to let you go on alone and lonely…” She stopped talking as I reached out with the hand that was holding the salad bowl and stilled the hand that she was shaking marsh mallows out of the bag with.

“Sarah… thank you… I know you meant well, but please don’t. I’m okay, really. Just because I’m single doesn’t mean I’m unhappy. Lord, you sound like my mom sometimes!” I said with a laugh trying to soften the sting of my plea.

“Well, you mother is a smart woman, no doubt! She knows too that you should have someone by your side. Someone who loves you. You are too loveable to not have someone. You need a girl who’s going to make an honest man out of you.” She said with a grin and went back to making her salads.

After another taste test of the fruit salad, Sarah declared it good and asked me to set the bowl in the fridge to chill. A couple of carrots, shaved and a sliced-up cucumber completed the green salad before she reached for the olive oil and some balsamic vinegar and some honey. She poured a little of each into an empty salad dressing bottle then closed the cap and handed it to me to shake up. Dave came through the kitchen door with a plate of sizzling hot dogs and hamburgers.

Sarah put some salad into three small bowls and grabbed some silverware while Dave and I grabbed some paper plates and followed into the living room. Dave took his recliner and Sarah and I sat side by side on the sofa using the coffee table as our dining table. Burgers, chips, salad… it was a tasty dinner, the company was enjoyable as well, even if Dave was more wrapped up in the game on TV than participating in conversation. After we finished, I helped Sarah take the plates to the kitchen and we rinsed our bowls and refilled them with the now chilled fruit salad. Sarah handed me the three bowls and forks and turned to the fridge to pull another beer for Dave and a bottle of chilled white wine for the two of us. Bottles in one hand and two glasses in the other she followed me back to the living room.

Sarah set the bottle of wine down on the coffee table along with the two wine glasses, she took one bowl of fruit salad from me and a fork and handed Dave his beer and desert before sitting beside me on the sofa. She handed me the bottle in silent askance to open it for her. One thing I have to say about Dave and Sarah, they had good taste in beverages. This bottle of white was no exception. Not your low dollar plastic twist off cap, or even a metal twist off for that matter. This was a real deal cork with wire basket stopper much like you would find on Champagne or sparkling wines. Always the boy scout I had my Swiss Army knife out and the cork screw twisting in in a flash. I eased out the cork and smelled the open bottle before handing it back to Sarah.

“It’s worth the effort.” She told me as she poured two glasses of the crisp and slightly sweet white for the two of us.

“This should go well with the fruit then I would think.” I said as I sipped a palate full and swished like I knew what I was doing. Sarah grinned at me and rolled her eyes before taking a sip for herself.

“I don’t know, this beer goes pretty good with the salad if you ask me.” Dave said from his almost horizontal recliner as he tipped his long neck up for another draught.

From the corner of my eye, I saw Sarah making a bit of a smirk at his remark and shaking her head slightly as she raised her glass for another sip of the wine. Sarah once more apologized for the blind date she had most recently set up between Francine and myself. Again, I thanked her for caring and trying but asked her to please not do any more. Of course, she wanted to know more about what Francine and I had talked about and done on the two occasions that we had gone out together since that fateful night.

I didn’t have the heart to tell her that Francine and I had talked mostly about her, Sarah. I couldn’t tell her how Francine had pined that she had thought that Sarah was interested in her. It was nice to find out that Francine and I had mutual friends in common other than just Sarah and Dave. While the alternative lifestyle numbers of which Francine was one of was growing ever larger in this town, I still knew quite a few of them from earlier in my life. I had promised Francine that I would keep her preference to myself as far as Sarah was concerned. I knew that while Francine would love to be more than just friends with her, she would still very much like to remain friends with Sarah anyway.

We talked about some of the other people we knew from Night Friends and the comings and goings of some of them. Not so much gossiping as shedding light on parts of the stories that the other might not have been privy to. Sarah pried me about some of the girls online that seemed to be awfully friendly with me, both online and in person at the few get togethers she’d seen everyone. While I didn’t out and out admit to having been intimate with any one of them in particular, my body language and my blushing pretty much told the tale for me. At least for Sarah, she was very sharp when it came to such things, Intuitive… almost clairvoyant really. Of course, she claimed to be able to read Tarot cards and had a touch of second sight, though it wasn’t always as reliable as the cards.

“Jim, why don’t you let me read your cards some time?” Sarah asked for probably the twentieth time since I had become friends with her and Dave.

I shrugged, as I always did, and hung my head slightly giving Sarah a sidelong glance before locking my eyes on the glass of wine in my hands and studying it intently. At least that’s what it may have looked like to anyone observing me, in reality my mind was seeing visions of my past life flitting through the almost amber liquid in the glass. Faces that caused my heart to soar with joy and break with remembered pain of loss.

I knew that life was mostly chance and our future is what we make it, but I also believed that perhaps that future could be molded and bent by fate and other outside influences. Deep down in my heart I really REALLY didn’t want to know my future if it held any pain like I’ve experienced in the past. I would have to deal with it as it came, if it came, but I didn’t want to plan for it and be waiting for it to happen. I expressed these thoughts to Sarah, once more. I thanked her for her offer but declined yet again.

“How come you don’t read your own cards?” I asked Sarah. The smirk on her face told me almost as much as the words that she spoke.

“For some reason you can’t tell your own future. Sure, you can read your own cards but it will be different from one minute to the next.” She explained.

“Would that hold true for everyone you read cards for?” I asked, sincerely not knowing.

“You would think so, wouldn’t you?” She asked. “But even though the cards might be a little different the reading is still almost identical each time.” She said and bit her bottom lip before taking a long sip of her wine while still studying my eyes intently. I could feel her mind working on something… I braced myself.

“Jim, I could read your cards and not tell you if anything bad was going to happen… Oh come on…” She all but pleaded.

Looking into her eyes I could see that she really really wanted to do this. Somehow, she thought that this was some way of helping me and since I had asked her to please stop trying to fix me up, she was desperate to do something. With a heavy, almost theatrical sigh, I half bowed my head and gave a lopsided grin while looking up through my eyelashes and eyebrows. I blinked and nodded my head reluctantly. The squeal that Sarah let out as she sprang up clapping her hands and half hopped and half skipped around the coffee table to dash off to her and Dave’s bedroom to get her Tarot deck startled Dave and I both. Dave looked over at me and smirked and shook his head before shrugging and taking another sip of his beer. I returned his shrug and sat back on the couch resigning myself to have my fortune told. Maybe.

Sarah made a fuss of bringing her cards and a candle, a small velvet like cloth about the size of a desk blotter to the dining room table. She lit the candle and then came to collect her glass, the half empty bottle of wine and of course me. I looked over my shoulder at Dave as I followed her into the dining room, he just looked and me grinning and chuckling silently as he waved his hand as if to say “Go on… go on…”

Sitting across the table from Sarah she placed her deck of tarot cards in the middle of the purple cloth with the candle to her left and my right also about mid-way between us. From a small cloth bag, she drew out a large egg sized quartz crystal and set it atop the deck of cards. Shifting around on her chair to get comfortable she then stretched her hands across the cloth on either side of the deck and laid them palms up and motioned for me to place my hands in hers. I shifted in my seat, closer to the edge so that I could comfortably reach across the table and take her hands in mine.

Sarah explained that the crystal was cleansing the cards of any negative energy and making them more receptive to me and my energy or aura or whatever. She told me to close my eyes and relax, not to try to think about anything really but just relax and let my mind drift. I did as she said, though I had to peek a few times to see what she was doing. I saw however that she had her eyes closed and was apparently concentrating. After a few minutes, give or take, Sarah took a long audibly deep breath and let it out through her mouth as if blowing out a candle. I felt her release my hands, and she picked up the crystal and returned it to her cloth bag. She then asked me to cut the deck, to pick up however many cards felt right to me and set them beside the remaining cards. I did as she asked. She had me cut the remaining cards again and set them beside the first cards I had cut from the deck.

Now there were three piles of cards… once more Sarah had me cut the cards only this time it was the cards from the first cut, and this time I was to turn them ninety degrees and set them atop the three remaining piles… making a total of four piles of cards. I cocked my head quizzically but followed her instructions. Sarah smiled and then picked up the remainder of the first original stack of cards and shuffled them as one might for playing any kind of card game. This stack she set to her left at the edge of the purple cloth. She then took the second stack, from the first cut, and shuffled them as well. This pile was placed to her right side, my left, on the edge of the cloth. The third stack was shuffled and she set this pile on the edge of the cloth directly in front of her. That left just the last stack of cut cards. Sarah looked at that cross ways stack of cards and then looked into my eyes and told me what to do.

“Jim, you pick up the last stack of cards and shuffle them however you like. When you are done, set them down cross ways in front of you at the edge of the cloth.” She instructed.

I picked up the cards and shuffled them two or three times and figured that was enough and I set them down as she had told me. Sitting back in her chair she picked up her wine glass and took a long sip before setting it back down and then folding her arms on the table in front of her, her right arm and hand resting atop her left. She told me that the four stacks of cards represented different things. The stack in front of me was my “present” or my life as it is at this moment. The stack to her left, my right, represented my past, things that might be influencing my present. The stack in front of her was the thought card, things that I should think about or ponder. Boy that one sounded rather vague. Finally, the stack of cards to Sarah’s right, my left, was the action card… what to do.

“Jim, draw a card from the stack in front of you, and set it face down in the center of the cloth, slightly closer to you.” She instructed and watched me as I drew the top card and set it down on the table as she had said.

“This is my present life?” I asked skeptically. The look Sarah gave me made me bridle my sarcasm and smile sheepishly.

“Now, take a card from the stack to your right, this will tell us something of your past.” Sarah intoned almost daring me to make a snide remark. I merely smiled and drew the top card and went to set it atop the first card in the middle but she stopped me.

“No, set it face down like the first but about midway on the cloth and to your right of the first card.” She directed me. “Now draw a card from the stack on your left and place it face down on the center line but to your left of the other two cards.” She told me and nodded as I followed her directions.

“It looks like a diamond pattern.” I half mumbled as I anticipated her final instruction of drawing the last card from the stack in front of her.

“So, you have done this before?” She asked raising one eyebrow questioningly and half turning her head to give me a bit of a sidelong glance.

“No Sarah, I haven’t. But I am pretty quick at seeing patterns some times. Sometimes I just get lucky.” I grinned bashfully as she motioned for me to draw the last card and complete the pattern on the cloth in the center of the table.

“This last card is for want of a better term, the action card. It represents things you could or should do to improve your situation and your future.” Sarah spoke calmly. “Every card has multiple meanings or possibilities. And they are doubled in that depending on the orientation of the card whether they are positive or negative.” She rattled on as if reciting something from memory.

“Positive or negative? That doesn’t sound very precise. How do you know if it’s positive or negative?” I asked a bit perplexed.

“By their orientation. Right side up or Upside down. As you are the focus of this reading, you are up… When I turn over the cards to read them if they are right side up to me, they are… well… right side up, or positive. If they are right side up for you, they are upside down for me and therefore negative for this reading.” Sarah explained.

“Okay, I guess that makes sense. So, what now?” I asked.

“Now we turn them over, one at a time and read them. Go ahead, turn over the card closest to you.” She instructed me. I complied and reached out and took the card closest to me and turned it over.

“It’s the Lovers card… and it’s reversed… upside down.” Sarah looked at the card and her lips drew tight into a thin line, not smiling, not frowning, not showing much emotion at all. Her eyebrows knitted however and I could see a bit of a storm in her eyes just before she glanced up at me and locked those eyes of hers on my own.

“And this is my present life?” I asked still not understanding what the card might represent.

“It would tell me you are happily in love and settled in a committed relationship if it were right side up or positive… but upside down it could mean that you are unhappy, lonely, have a fear of commitment, or unsure or untrusting of others.” Sarah spoke softly almost as if she were in a trance. She bit her lip lightly and then looked back at the cards and took a deep breath.

“Okay, Jim. Turn over the past card, the card on your right.” She instructed.

I turned it over and looked at it, immediately I realized that this card too, was reversed or upside down.

“Oh my! The three of swords… reversed…” Sarah nearly gasped as she brought her right hand to her mouth to cover her lips and mouth lightly. She almost nervously looked at the card and then back into my eyes and back to the card. Again, her eyebrows knitted in concern and her eyes took on a soft, sad shine to them almost as if she were in pain.

“And that means?” I prompted her for an explanation.

“Oh Jim, I’m so sorry…” She began and closed her eyes and took a long deep breath before continuing.

“I had a sense about you from the first time we met, that you were deep, like very still water, only people who have gone through very… trying… times and life events feel that way to me. The card tells me that you have suffered a great loss in your past, perhaps more than one really. A tragedy each time… and… that you are in part still stuck in the past. As if part of you is still holding on to that pain for some reason.” Sarah spoke so softly that it was almost a whisper.

When she looked up into my eyes once more, her eyes were shining and nearly brimming over with tears. With a trembling hand she reached out with her right hand and took a hold of my left hand and squeezed it reassuringly. Still holding my hand, she directed me to turn over the card closest to herself, the card to “ponder”.

“Another swords card, and that poor guy looks quite dead from all those swords in his back… what the hell?” I stated even as I realized that this card too was reversed, right side up for me but upside down for Sarah and her reading.

“The ten of swords. Actually, this time the reversed meaning is a good thing for you perhaps, certainly something to think about… to ponder.” Sarah said with a bit of a smile returning to her lips.

“The ten of swords reversed is a sign of healing, maybe recovering… your life and situation is repairing and improving. It means you should be hopeful and optimistic.” Sarah expanded and squeezed my hand tightly before letting out a long breath and steeling herself for the last and final card.

“And this one tells me what I should do?” I asked as I reached to turn the card over.

Immediately I saw that it was like the first three in that it too was reversed. What are the odds of that happening I wondered silently? I glanced up to watch Sarah’s face as she took in the card and her face transformed with a smirk and a sideways roll of her eyes as if whatever the card was telling her was obvious to anyone. When her gaze returned to my eyes it was tempered with a little humor and lightness.

“The Hermit, how apt is that?” She almost giggled before she went on to explain the card and how she read it.

“Represents stubbornness and independence, too much time being alone and locked away inside yourself… at least as it is reversed anyway. That’s you Jim.” She chirped with a bit of a chuckle.

“So, this card is telling me to keep to myself, to stay away from others and be stubborn?” I asked slightly confused.

“No… no… not at all Jim, the action card is what you need to change about yourself to make your life happier and healthier. It’s saying that you need to be less independent, to maybe take a chance on others, perhaps a leap of faith for your heart. You need to meet new people, socialize more.” She said as if it were obvious to anyone.

I smirked halfheartedly and gave a little shrug. My right hand idly touching the cards in front of us. I felt Sarah’s hand tense in mine as my right hand touched the three of swords with the blades stabbed into the big red heart. And oddly enough I heard her gasp almost silently as if she had felt a stab of pain. I glanced up with concern only to see that her eyes were closed tightly and she was biting her bottom lip with a look of consternation on her face. Again, she took a long deep breath and shook her head as if to clear her thoughts.

“Okay Jim, that’s all for tonight. Maybe you’ll let me read your cards again another time… sometimes I get drastically different readings, you never know.” She said as she released my hand and picked up the four stacks of cards and combined them before collecting the four that were drawn and turning them back over and setting them atop the stack of cards.

She placed the cards back into their box and put the box and her little cloth bag in the center of the cloth and then folded it first from her side to the middle then from my side to the middle then from her left to the center and finally from her right to the center. She wet her fingers in her wine glass and then pinched the wick of the candle extinguishing it. Standing up she took her wine glass in one hand and reached her other hand for mine. I grabbed my own glass and the bottle in one hand and took her offered hand in mine and she led me back to the living room where Dave had fallen asleep in his recliner as some inane sitcom played on the television.

Releasing my hand from hers at the sofa, Sarah set her wine glass down and walked over to the recliner and took the empty beer bottle out of Dave’s hand resting on his chest. She set the bottle aside and picked up a small afghan from the ottoman and spread it out over Dave’s sleeping form. She kissed her fingers and pressed them to his lips softly before straightening back up and making her way back to the sofa to sit next to me once more.

“Sarah, I should be going. I’m used to the late-night hours, but you and Dave should be in bed sleeping by now or at least very soon anyway.” I said as I drained my wine glass and set it on the table.

“Thank sleeping beauty for me later for the wonderful company and dinner tonight.” I said smiling as I stood to ready myself to make an exit.

Sarah too stood with me and walked me to the door, and followed me outside where she pulled me in for a very warm and endearing hug. Damn if she didn’t feel good in my arms though. I smiled as we broke our embrace and thanked her again for inviting me to dinner and for all her worry and effort to try to make me happier. I also reminded her to NOT try to continue with that effort. She frowned at me and punched my arm before crossing her own arms in front of her and tilting her head downward a bit and sighing.

“Jim… the cards have never lied to me. What I saw tonight worries me. Not your future, not so much your present even… but your past. I don’t know what or who hurt you, but DAMN! Honey, you know you can talk to me about anything, really. If you ever want or need to talk to anyone, you know I’m here, right?” Sarah stated and ended with the question.

It was an open invitation for support and understanding if I needed any. I felt a little lump in my throat as memories of things from my past crept up in my thoughts. Smiling faces, so hopeful and full of love, then the searing pain of loss and separation squashing the happiness in less than a blink of an eye. I knew someday I would again have to explain to someone my deepest and darkest days and hurts. Tonight, was not the night however, and to be honest I didn’t want to think about those things. At least, not tonight, or anytime soon.

“Thank you, Sarah, really. For everything. I’ll keep you in mind, I promise. I’m going home now. I’ll talk to you later girl.” I told her as she moved to give me another quick hug. She pecked me on the cheek with a quick kiss as well before sending me on my way. She leaned against the door frame with her arms crossed over her chest and watched me get in my car, start up and drive off.

Of course, due to my work schedule, the night was still young for me. I wouldn’t be thinking about sleep or the bed until daybreak or maybe later. When I got home to my apartment, I grabbed a glass of iced tea and plopped my butt on my couch and turned on the idiot box. I really wasn’t paying much attention to whatever was coming through the cable though, it was all just light and shadows as I sat there ruminating Sarah’s reading of my Tarot cards earlier in the evening. Aside from only vague hints to Barbra, I had told no one online or in person much of my past… Especially not about my two biggest heartaches. How then had Sarah seemingly tapped into that long-buried pain?

I have always thought of myself as somewhat spiritual but not by any means religious. I believe in “God” but I don’t have a name for that higher power. I think it’s fascinating that so many different cultures and even religions are so similar but that they get hung up on specifics. Fanatically so! More wars have been fought, more bloodshed over religious beliefs than anything else known to mankind. One group hating all others because everyone else doesn’t adhere to the same beliefs as they do… It’s just stupid. The way I see it, religion is just a social constriction… a means to govern and control the masses. A hierarchy of wizened “holy” men commune with “GOD” and then tell or “guide” the masses on how to live, love, think and most importantly behave. And if you do NOT live by their holy rules… you are a heathen at best, an infidel and doomed soul at worst.

I have no problem with people believing what they want. What I have a problem with is those people trying to force me to share their beliefs. I just smile and nod my head when people start quoting “***********ure” from the bible or whatever holy tomb they adhere to and worship. What no one wants to admit or acknowledge is that all those holy writings, however inspired or sacred… were written by men… for men… to control men. Man is fallible, man is imperfect, man is corruptible. I adhere to no particular religion and it drives many zealots crazy. All that said, I am open minded enough and know that there is so very much that we don’t know or can’t explain that I do not entirely discount things like spiritualism and other ancient practices and beliefs that most all churches frown upon at best. Like mysticism, divination, sooth saying, fortune-telling… Crystal balls, reading bones… and of course Tarot cards.

They are all just props really, there is no real magic in these things used for fortune telling and what not. They are just used to give people something to focus on. The real magic, the unexplainable, is the extra sensory perception that some gifted people seem to have. They are able to tap into currents or influences or vibrations that are not readily detected to our common physical sense of sight, sound, taste and touch… or even smell. Even if more often than not those predictions or maybe just the “practitioners” seem to be “fishy.” But there are those few… those rare individuals that have some kind of connection… that unexplainable connection with things hidden and not shared with anyone. Tonight, I had sensed that quality in Sarah. I was intrigued, but still uncomfortable at the same time.

Yes, secrets… Painful, heartbreaking secrets… things I had not shared with anyone… how did Sarah tap into that? I have spent years trying to bury those painful parts down deep. I have tried to grow out of the depths of the despair and pain wrought by my past. I thought I was doing pretty well actually. I have been able to find joy and happiness in the hearts and arms of others over the years. Fleeting sometimes, and in small amounts here and there. Love has a way of healing any and all heartaches if given a chance and given time. Still though, with such hurtful memories even the bravest of hearts is and will be hesitant and guarded. That’s what I was, that’s where I was, at this point in time. Longing for that barely imaginable zenith of joy and happiness of true love, but still mindful of loss of just such love. But always looking.

Sarah’s Tarot cards seemed to have pegged me perfectly. More closely even than I think she was even aware of. Well, not the cards really, but HER. Her mind and her gift… But I also sensed that her own mind was clouded and I suspect that any reading she might have been able to make on me, was tainted with whatever was troubling her. I had a feeling I’d be talking about this again with Sarah, probably in the morning after Dave left for work. Sarah was off tomorrow, as was I. She often caught me before I got to bed and either online or on the telephone, she would bend my ear for hours. Yeah buddy, I sensed a phone call coming in the morning.

Not finding anything to keep my attention on tv… all those cable channels and nothing to watch… I turned off the boob tube and made my way to my bedroom. I made a pit stop in my little galley kitchen to refill my glass of iced tea, then another in the bathroom just down the hall to get rid of the tea and the wine that I had drank earlier in the evening. Finally stumbling through my blackout curtains over my bedroom doorway I set my glass of tea on my desk before taking my clothes off to change into sweats and a tee shirt… my pajamas.

Once dressed, I sat down at my desk and powered up my computer. Within minutes I had launched my modem to connect to my favorite bulletin board Night Friends. The warbling tones and white noise heralded the steady tone announcing my connection. My screen scrolled down with those familiar lines of text prompting me to respond.

User:

Frodov

Password:

I typed in my password and hit enter, the screen scrolled down with more text. I had messages waiting from various friends and acquaintances. I typed in a command to see who was online at the moment before deciding to read my messages. There were only a couple of regulars online so I went ahead and read my messages first.

I had a short note from Barbra. She told me that she was missing me and that she was sorry that our schedules had conflicted so much lately. Her training for a new job at her workplace was taking up far too much of her time for her liking. The training would only be for another couple of weeks though and she was looking forward to sharing a little time with me as soon as she could. Perhaps a weekend getaway somewhere? She was asked by her sister Gail to pet sit while they were on a trip that was coming up in a couple of weeks. Pet sitting and house sitting since Barb lived here in Lexington and Gail and her husband lived in Louisville.

I sent back a note to Barb telling her I would be delighted to help her pet sit. We could go to the zoo that weekend and dinner of course… before we “sat the house”. Knowing Barb as I did, I know she had plans for entertainment that would make the zoo just a footnote at best.

I also answered a message from my friends Todd and Anne. Todd was lamenting about how much he and Anne missed seeing me after they moved back to Virginia to be closer to his ailing elderly mother. They were after me to make a trip out to see them sometime soon. Todd told me that Anne said she still owed me something special and she fully intended to make good on her promises. I had to sit back and smile at that. I had a slight shiver rush through my body as I had a momentary flash back of an amazing day spent with Anne during an epic snow storm, we had a while back. The petite little brunette was a dynamo that could curl the toes of any man. I know I will never be able to look at snow fall and NOT smile again.

I sent a short message to Todd telling him that I did miss them as well. I didn’t know when I would be able to come visit them, but I definitely would be coming to see them sooner or later. I asked that he try to keep up with Anne if he could and to let her know I would honor her request when I could. I asked about the kids and how they were doing with the move and new schools and the like. I knew Todd had lifelong friends there as that’s where he grew up, but Anne was lost in a sea of new faces and people. It might be good in some ways for her though. I wished them the best and promised to stay in touch.

Finished with my messages, I dropped into the trivia room to play and chat with some of the regulars online. The conversations were light and varied, the game was predictable but still challenging. It’s amazing how much information, yes, trivial information, our brains soak up and retain over our lifetimes. Yeah, but my mind wasn’t in the game this evening. My mind kept wandering back to my past and the events that marked my heart and soul. I’ve always felt that I somehow was able to feel to some extent what others feel emotionally. I never really shared that with others, but the events of earlier this evening and Sarah’s reading of my Tarot cards made me wonder if she too might have a touch of this ability.

I had not ever told her or anyone else for that matter much about my past relationships, yet Sarah seemed to sense that chasm of despair that I have fought for so long to climb out of. I wondered if her curiosity was as beastly as my own at times… would she be able to be put off from learning such intimate details about me. I suspected not. I was going to have to open up to her more than anyone else I had to date… well… since those events in my past anyway. Was I really ready to do that… as perchance my cards had shown? The last thing I wanted from Sarah or anyone else for that matter was pity. Lord knows Sarah has been hell bent on trying to fix me up with someone to make me “happy”. I’ve known happy… Happy always has a price. I’m not sure I’m ready to pay that price again.

I made my goodbyes and left the trivia game and was about to log off of Night Friends when I got a private message. Wouldn’t you know it… it was from Sarah. Her online nick name still made me giggle after all this time.

Mama Mia: “Jim? Are you okay?” Sarah sent with a hug action.

Frodov: “I’m fine Sarah. Why are you so worried?” I asked

Mama Mia: “I just couldn’t shake the feeling that you were hurting after I read your cards earlier…”

Mama Mia: “Oh Jim! I could and still can feel the pain… my heart is breaking and I don’t why…”

Frodov: “Sarah, I promise you, I’m fine. I’m not in pain. I’m the same as yesterday…”

Frodov: “… and the day before… the week before… the month before…”

Mama Mia: “Okay! Okay! I get it! Geez Louise! I just care! So, sue me!” Sarah sent.

Frodov: “I appreciate it Sarah, really I do. But I’m fine. It may have taken me a while but…”

Mama Mia: “But?” Sarah queried… I could picture her leaning closer to her monitor waiting.

Frodov: “…Nothing… Nothing I want to get into tonight babe. You need to go to bed and sleep.”

Mama Mia: “I couldn’t sleep worrying about you.”

Frodov: “Well now you know I’m fine so go on back to bed.”

Mama Mia: “Okay, Okay…”



Frodov: “And Sarah?”



Mama Mia: “Yes?”



Frodov: “Thanks babe, I know you care… and I… well… just thanks… Goodnight.”

Mama Mia: “Goodnight… and you know you can tell me anything, anytime… right?”

Frodov: “Yes MOM!!! Goodnight.” I sent with a smile action and a hug as well.

I smiled to myself as I logged off from Night Friends and leaned back in my chair stretching my arms over my head as I yawned. Yeah, it was still early for a night owl like me but what the hell, it was a night off and a little extra sleep never hurts… right? I reached out and turned off my monitor and stood up. I turned, stretching yet again and yawning even bigger this time. I took the three or four steps from my desk to my bed and knee walked over to the middle and just sort of collapsed atop the comforter, doing a face plant into my pillow. I reached out my right hand and turned off my bedside lamp on my bookcase headboard. I think I was pretty much asleep even as I did that though.

I’m not sure if I awoke because of a dream or if it was just my body being out of sync with the time of day. Working nights for so long you tend to adjust to being awake when most are sleeping. So, it was not a great surprise to me when I rolled over and looked at my old-fashioned wind-up alarm clock that the clock face showed it was four in the morning. But I was wide awake now and even if I shut my eyes and tried to go back to sleep that would probably not happen… that and my bladder suddenly grabbed my attention. So, I rolled out of… or rather… OFF my bed and made my way through the black-out curtains over my bedroom doorway to go down the hall… all two steps of it, to the bathroom to relieve the pressure. After washing my hands and ambling into my galley kitchen I opened the fridge for inspiration. Food? Something to drink?

Not feeling much like cooking, and truthfully still quite satiated from dinner earlier… or last night I guess… with Dave and Sarah, I opted for just a can of soda. “A Coke will hit the spot.” I thought to myself as a grabbed a can and let the fridge door close. I noticed a bag of pistachio nuts atop the fridge as the door closed so I grabbed those too, then made my way back to my desk in the bedroom and had a seat.

I powered up my computer and then leaned back in the chair and stretched, rolling my neck around and even cracked my knuckles. I knew from past experience that there was likely to be no one else on Night Friends this time of night other than other night owls like myself, but on the off chance someone might be online I went ahead and started to connect. The sound of my modem dialing up and the warbling staticky sound of the connection being made caused me to redirect my attention to my monitor.

User:

Frodov

Password:

I typed in the magic combination of letters and soon my screen was scrolling down with the familiar menu. I typed in the command to see who else was online and was pleasantly surprised to see my friend and fellow night shifter Angelica alone in the trivia room. I dropped into the room and sent her a hug action by way of greeting.

Angelica: “Hi stranger! Do I know you?” She responded with a frown action.

Frodov: “Well if you don’t remember me, I can think of a few things we can do to… refresh… your memory!” I sent with a wink action.

Angelica: “I’ll bet you can!” She replied with a sigh action.

Frodov: “Off tonight girl?” I asked.

Angelica: “Unfortunately, no. It’s been a very boring night too.”

Angelica: “I’m not complaining but it is boring when everything runs the way it should.”

I smiled knowing that Angelica, real name Susan, worked as an IT specialist at the University. She ruled the night shift but was often alone and like tonight bored out of her mind. We had met online on another local bulletin board and I had told her about Night Friends. Soon she was a regular here and a friendship grew. Oh, it was a very special friendship indeed. The term “friends with benefits” comes to mind and of course I can’t help but smile every time I think of her. I’ve rarely met or known a more adventurous, outgoing, frisky and seemingly constantly horny single gal in all my years. I think Susan elevated Flirting to an art or at very least a sport.

Frodov: “Anything I can do to… help… a girl out?” I sent with an evil grin action.

Angelica: “Now Jim… we’ve been down this road before. You KNOW I would be game, but unfortunately I can’t let anyone into the building after hours… who’s not an employee.” She reminded me wistfully.

Frodov: “I’m tellin ya… I should get a part time job with the university just so I COULD be let into the building!” I sent with a giggle.

Angelica: “Yeah, you’ve teased me with that before… asshole!” she responded with a laugh.

Frodov: “Well if I had time I might, but I don’t think a part time job would work out well with my hours and schedule at the plant. Sorry.” I sent with a pout.

Angelica: “Trivia is not doing it tonight… I’m starting to see questions I’ve already seen before.” Susan lamented.

Frodov: “Well you could hang up and read or something.” I offered.

Angelica: “Read what? A book?” she asked with a frown action.

Frodov: “Well… yeah… or you could read something you print out from a file online.” I told her.

Angelica: “What files, you have a new story or something?” She said for the first time with a smile action.

Frodov: “Not actually, but I’ve been tossing around an idea in my head for about a week now. I might just start writing it tonight even. Any requests or ideas?” I asked

Angelica: “I don’t know… maybe something with blindfolds or something like that.” She sent with a shrug.

Frodov: “Hmmm… Blindfolds sounds interesting.” I sent in reply… thinking back to many years ago with an exercise with a couple of very dear teachers of mine. As always, there was a brief pang in my heart but I was still smiling at the memories.

Angelica: “Well do it then! I’m BORED!” she sent with a pout.

Frodov: “You won’t get to read it tonight though. Hell, I haven’t even written it yet.” I sent with a laugh.

Angelica: “Well let me know when you do get it written. Oh damn! I’m getting a call! Finally! Something to do. Gotta go. Bye!” She sent with a wave action and then she was gone.

Sighing, I smiled and went ahead and exited the trivia game and logged off of Night Friends entirely. Sitting back in my desk chair with my elbows on the armrests and my fingers steepled together tapping my chin, I pondered the makings of a new story. Something with blindfolds. Taking a sip of my now almost room temperature can of coke. I grimaced and stood up to go to the kitchen to get something cold.

Opening the fridge again I reached for another can of coke and spied a lonely almost full bottle of rum near the back of the top shelf. Hmmm… Been a while since I had any liquor. I’m not much of a drinker but I do enjoy a little mixed drink now and then. Setting the can on the counter I reached for the bottle and set it next to the can. Next, I opened my cupboard and got out a tall tumbler and opened my freezer and grabbed a few ice cubes. I Put a couple of healthy splashes of the dark rum into the tumbler over the ice… maybe a shot glass worth of alcohol really. Then I opened the can of coke and poured it over the ice in the glass as well. I let the foam and fizz die down then topped the glass off a bit more with the cola. Picking the tumbler up I took an inquisitive sip of my elixir. A little weak but that’s okay. I wasn’t looking to get drunk really. I picked up the can and my tumbler and walked back to my desk to sit and begin brainstorming a new story.

And so, I began… where I would in the past, pick up a pen and put ink on paper, I now fired up my computer and typed it all in electronically. I sketched out a story of a married couple of undetermined age. They had just returned from some sort of evening out, a formal event perhaps, and were ready to unwind at home. Drinks were served… a fireplace… a rug of some sort… a gorgeous redhead. Yeah! That’s the ticket! And of course, a little kink is introduced into the mix by way of a couple of blindfolds.

I don’t know if it was avarice or inspiration or simply a matter of pulling a name out of the air, but I thought of the name Karyn… and that became the name of this little bit of fiction. Yes, it was fiction but I drew heavily from past experiences and kind of pieced them together with ideas that I just found a little interesting if not terribly kinky. I’ve always had the ability to immerse myself into a story, whether reading one or in this case writing one. So, it was not terribly surprising that I lost myself into the story as I wrote it. Time around me lost meaning and it wasn’t until I heard the all too familiar sounds of daytime life stirring outside my bedroom window that I even looked at the clock on my headboard across the room.

As if to drive the point home that it was indeed morning, I heard that irritating sound of the garbage truck picking up and emptying one of my apartment’s dumpsters across the parking lot from my building. Lovely… With a tired stretching yawn and a sigh, I saved my work, again, on my computer and closed out my editor and shut down my computer. Time to lay myself down and get some sleep. Two or three steps across the room and I think I was asleep before my head even hit my pillow.

It was the irritating… no… aggravating sound on the edge of my subconscious awareness that pulled me out of my dream filled slumber. Still floating in that miasma of thoughts and dreams on the edge of consciousness I drifted back into my dream state. Again, however that aggravating sound tickled my mind… pulling me back from the comforting warmth of the arms of… Sitting bolt upright, with my heart racing and my chest heaving for breath that I didn’t know why I was even holding. That sound again… Ringing in my ears. No, not ringing in my ears, but really ringing. It was my phone on the wall in my kitchen.

Taking a deep breath and shaking my head to clear the cobwebs, I rolled out of my bed and went through my blackout curtain and two strides later was grabbing the phone off the wall to answer.

“Hello?” I queried, holding the phone to one ear as my other hand rubbed my eyes to get the sleep out of them.

“Jim?” asked the voice… I know that voice but it took me a moment in my still sleep addled brain to connect. It was Dave.

“Dave?” I asked more out of trying to understand why he might be calling rather than who it was at this point.

“Jim I’m sorry to wake you… I… I have to ask you for a favor man.” Dave spoke sounding a little distracted, maybe even worried.

“No… I mean, yeah… Sure… what do you need Dave?” My mind finally kicking into gear.

“I know I’ve asked for favors before but this is something… different.” Dave said hesitantly as if he was still struggling to decide on something.

“Dave, you’re my friend. Anything I can do to help, just ask, you should know that. What’s up? Sarah’s car die again or something?” I reassured him and wondered if I needed to get dressed and go pick Sarah up to take her to work.

“I know, Jim, and I thank you for that but this is something a little different. I have to go to Jersey for… for a while. I… I was wondering if you could… Check in on Sarah, maybe come by and see her while I’m away?” Dave asked hesitantly and still seemed a little distracted.

“No, I mean yeah, of course, but what’s up Dave? Everything okay? You sound… a little… off.” I told him.

“It’s my mom, Jim, she’s not fairing very well. I got a call from her home nurse. They are contacting hospice…” Dave’s voice trailed off. I could almost feel his heart wrenching in his voice.

“Dave, I’m sorry… Of course, I’ll help out. You need to go be with you mom.” I told him. I could hear his relief in the muffled exhale on his end of the phone. I knew a million other things were probably running through his mind and I felt better knowing I had lessened the burden in some small way.

“Thanks buddy, it really means a lot to me. I owe you big time for this.” He spoke after a moment.

“Don’t even think about it Dave, it’s nothing really. You know I’d do anything for you and Sarah. How’s she handling this?” I asked.

“She’s a little worried of course, being here alone for… however long…” He told me, his voice edging on cracking. I felt bad that I made him think that far ahead.

“Sarah’s taking me to the airport here in a bit, my flight leaves this afternoon. I’ll know more after I get there of course. Right now, you know about as much as I do now. Really, Jim, this means a lot to me, knowing you’ll look after Sarah while I’m… away… I owe you pal.” He spoke again, his voice still edgy with emotion.

“Dave, really, don’t even think about it. Just take care of what you need to take care of. Call if you need anything else, okay?” I reassured him again.

We talked for a few minutes more before he said he had to finish packing and said goodbye. I told him I’d call Sarah later in the day, but I was going to go back to bed for a while anyway. He actually laughed at the thought but knew that I worked nights and for me, this early in the morning was actually the middle of my night. After hanging up the phone I opened my fridge and stood there looking at the mostly barren landscape of my icebox. Sighing, I closed the door back and grabbed a glass out of the cabinet and poured myself some water from the tap. Drinking it down I made a mental note to add a trip to the grocery later for some much-needed food and drink. I put the empty glass in the sink and stumbled back to my bed and dove into that dreamy abyss of unconsciousness once more.

I woke up later in the day, when I rolled over and focused my sleep blurred eyes on my wind-up alarm clock, I noted the time was a little after one in the afternoon. I closed my eyes and thought about how easy it would be to drift off back to sleep. But then my stomach growled… and I suddenly and urgently felt the need to empty my bladder. Groaning dramatically, I rolled over and sat up on the edge of the bed. After the momentary dizziness abated, I stood and stretched, my arms wide then reached for the ceiling while rotating my neck. The popping sounds of my spine and joints clicking and creaking reminded me of someone walking across bubble wrap. I took a moment to make my bed then turned and made my way through the blackout curtain and turned down the hallway to my bathroom. First things first.

Bladder emptied and face and hands washed, I went to the kitchen and opened up my fridge. Oh yeah… still need to go to the grocery store. Sighing I reached for the glass I had put in the sink earlier in the morning and got myself some more water from the tap as my stomach growled again. I was leaning over my counter beside the sink writing out a short grocery list as I sipped my water when my phone rang. I dropped my pen and turned to pick up the phone from the wall hook.

“Hello?” I answered.

“Jim… It’s Sarah…” I heard her say in an agitated voice I had come to recognize when she was… well… agitated.

“Hello beautiful.” I responded

“Jim… help…” She all but whined through the phone line.

“This damned car won’t start again…” she lamented.

“Sarah, calm down, it’s okay. Where are you?” I asked.

“I’m out here at the airport. I just saw Dave off to Jersey. When I got back in the car to come home it just wouldn’t start. I swear to God I’m going to just set this piece of junk of fire and be done with it! ARRRRGHHH! Help! Please?” She vented. I couldn’t help but to chuckle a little and I’m sure she heard it through the phone line on her end of the conversation. I really could picture her setting the car on fire then backing up and watching it burn.

“Okay, don’t get hasty… you’re at the airport? Whereabouts? Short term parking I assume, right?” I said trying not to chuckle any more.

“Yeah. I already had one guy tell me I should call AAA to come give me a jump. I hate to bother you Jim but I don’t know what else to do.” She continued to vent with a little desperation creeping into her voice.

“It’s okay Sarah. Really, it’s no bother. Let me throw some clothes on and I be there in about fifteen minutes.” I reassured her.

“Oh, thank you honey! You are too good to me!” She sighed with relief into the phone.

“It’s what friends are for Sarah. Hang tight, I’ll be there in a bit.” I told her and then we broke the connection. I hung up my phone and with one hand scratching my head and one scratching my butt I stepped across the hallway to go through the blackout curtain into my bedroom. I pulled on a pair of jeans after shucking my sweatpants and t-shirt. I grabbed a clean sweat shirt out of my chest of drawers and then slipped my feet into my shoes. Now dressed I took a couple of minutes to cover hygiene.

Stepping through my curtain I turned right to step into my bathroom and brushed my teeth and rinsed. I ran a brush through my hair and shrugged, it still looked a little like bed head but hey… I just woke up… mostly. I started to turn and head down the hall to my living room/dining room when I thought twice and stopped and turned back to my medicine cabinet. I pulled out my deodorant and hiked up my sweatshirt to apply a dab or two under each arm. I little insurance can’t hurt, right? All set now I went through the kitchen and grabbed my store list then grabbed my car keys off the dining room table. I let myself out of my apartment, locking the door behind me. Down the short flight of stairs to the building entrance and I was out the door and on my way to the airport.

Sarah was leaning up against the driver’s side door of her and Dave’s car, the rust orange ’82 Honda Accord hatchback. The back driver side tail light cover was still cracked and missing half the lens… at least the bulbs still worked. The chrome on the bumper looked diseased from the rust eating through from the inside out. Yeah, the car was showing its age and its mileage. Between the miles Dave had put on it since it was new when they had lived in Jersey, and then all the miles he and Sarah had accumulated here in Kentucky, it was positively geriatric with well over two hundred thousand miles on the odometer. Be it sentimental reasons or the fact that it was just too pricey to replace, they kept patching up the old car and, driving it when it was drivable. At the moment, once again, it apparently wasn’t. The dejected look on Sarah’s face vanished when she saw me pull up next to her. I rolled down the passenger side window of my ’88 Ford Escort and Sarah leaned in the window.

“Hi cutie… want some candy?” I asked with a smirk on my face… knowing I would lighten the mood a little with that old cliché line.

“Oh, stop it, Jim!” Sarah laughed

“Seriously though, thank you so much for coming to my rescue… again. I don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t been home.” She added frowning again, the worry in her eyes as she contemplated that possibility.

“Well, I was, so let’s see what seems to be the problem, this time.” I told her as I popped my seat belt and opened my driver side door to get out.

I walked around my car to her driver side door and got in to turn the key and see what would happen. It didn’t even click… nothing. I reached over with the key on and turned on the radio, and beeped the horn… they all worked so I knew it wasn’t a dead battery, this time. The gauges told me that there was plenty of gas and the oil light wasn’t on, none of the idiot lights were lit or flashing. Hmmmm… my limited mechanical diagnostic skills were being eliminated fast.

“Has it done this before today?” I asked Sarah with my head cocked slightly to one side as I worked the problem in my head.

“No, this is the first time it’s done this that I know of. I tell you Jim, I’m so sick of this car. I wish Dave would just get rid of it and find us something more reliable…” She lamented for the umpteenth time. I just kind of grinned at the familiar complaint and winked at her.

I climbed out of the car and reached back in to pop the hood and then walked around to open it up. Like I really knew what I was doing. I stood there scratching my head still working the problem. It’s got gas, it’s got electrical power… what is not making a connection. There was no sound at all from the starter when the key was turned. Could it be the starter motor or wait! Maybe it was the starter solenoid. That little electrical control that engages the starter motor to the motor itself to turn it over and start the motor. That might be it. I’ve had to replace them on various other cars I’ve had myself so I wasn’t a complete stranger to how that worked.

Sarah must have seen the light bulb come on over my head or something as she half smiled, hopefully, and kind of ducked her head down a little as if to say “Yeah?