Bands of Lust- Chapter III

Bands of Lust- Chapter III

The Brody that was is gone. He skipped town hours ago. What now lay in Terra’s arms was something else. I’d lost my virginity to the girl I’d loved from afar since sophomore year. I’d always pictured her to be this sweet, charming, funny girl with a laugh that just made the worst days seem like distant memories. And she was all those things, but she was something else, something I hadn’t expected and probably wouldn’t have suspected if not for tonight.

To be honest, I’d only seen them in movies or porn videos. In a way, they were more mythology than reality. But somehow the porno and movies seemed tame compared to the truth. Terra, the girl I loved, was a sex addict. Take that in as best you can. Your brain’s probably telling you that this is probably some weird fantasy, but it isn’t. Your probably as shocked as I was, well, maybe not since you weren’t in my shoes, but you’re nevertheless wondering what the fuck am I to do, because I vowed to be the permanent outlet for her sexual desires for life, or at least as long as I could stand it. That’s how much I love her, and she loves me because of it.

Now I’m lying in her bed on a Saturday morning staring up at her ceiling. I could feel her breasts rising and falling like a calming sea, her heart beat a steady meditating baseline. Her arms were wrapped around my torso, her right thigh lying on top of my groin. She’s still in her striped stockings and fishnet gloves. Her hazel eyes that flipped between loving to lustful on a dime were hidden away, and her brown flowing hair slightly obscured a soft, charming face that had stolen my heart since tenth grade. Did I see myself here back then? I mean really? No. This was simultaneously the dream and the reality. And I still couldn’t believe it.

My clothes were scattered about her room. My dress shirt had most of its buttons thrown about the floor like some wild fortune teller’s failed bone casting. My pants, belt, and underwear were slumbering in a corner; my shoes were a few paces from the bed where I’d tossed them. I still had my socks on. I pulled myself from Terra’s sleeping form and made my way to her bathroom, my eyes landing on her bedside digital clock as I went; it was 6:00 AM. Christ, it’d be light in an hour and I still needed to get the fuck out of dodge before Terra’s loving parents awoke and found me here naked having just satisfied their nympho daughter. Never thought I’d say that sentence at some point in my life.

After removing my sweaty socks, I padded into her bathroom and closed the door. I didn’t bother locking it. I rested my hands on the sink and gazed into the mirror. The sex had drained a few years off my life given my tired, disheveled appearance. My hair was a mess and my eyes seemed glazed. I turned around and regarded the pink claw marks on my shoulder blades. She hadn’t drawn blood, but she’d definitely been close. I turned back to face my twin.

“What the fuck are you doing?” I asked it. “You can’t do this. I know you love her, but come on, this is insane. Be her outlet? The fuck were you thinking you dumbass?” What was I thinking? That was just it, I wasn’t thinking. I was so infatuated with her, so in love with her I made a rash promise without reading between the lines. Now I was stuck with it. I couldn’t just abandon her now, say, “I know I promised I’d stay with you, care for you, and be your outlet, but I’ve realized that was a mistake. Good luck and see you at school. And don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone.” Yeah, right, that’ll go over real smooth, idiot.

“Shit, shit, shit,” I growled. Everything was all wrong. It wasn’t like my dreams, wasn’t like my desires. Somehow those fantasies had been turned on their heads, spun around, and beaten with baseball bats until it resembled some perverted mirror image. “I can’t do this, I can’t do this, I-”

“Brody, are you okay?”

I spun at Terra’s soft, concerned voice. It was the voice I’d heard in my dreams, the one I always loved as I passed her in the hall. That was my Terra’s voice, not the addict within her, but the real Terra, the one I needed to care for, to protect. She stood in the doorway as naked as I’d left her, minus her stockings and gloves. She looked at me with those loving hazel eyes now filled with worry.

“I’m fine,” I answered. “Just, a little cluttered is all.”

She came in, hugged my right arm, and looked at our reflections with her head resting against my forearm. “Is it me?” she asked. “I know that it’s hard to understand, I’m sure I wasn’t what you were expecting, but…I want you to know I still love you.”

We looked at each other. “I’m glad of that,” I said, smiling, trying to seem strong. But she knew what was bothering me.

“Come here,” she said. She led me to the toilet where she sat down, her legs tightly pressed together. I took the floor across from her with my knees drawn up, waiting and wondering. “I…,” she began. She looked at me with tears in her eyes, and I felt I was seeing Terra for the first time.

“Go on,” I said. “I’m listening.”

She wiped the tears away and then started over, but she kept her head lowered, eyes to her lap as she spoke. She didn’t want to see me right now, which was fine. She would when she was ready. “It all began when I was thirteen. I had lost my virginity for the first time then to a sweet boy I’d met in my Algebra class. He was good looking, nice, and athletic, everything my whimsical little heart wanted, at the time at least.

“I’m not sure what came over me during that first passionate night. Sex had been everything my friends had described it to be. The warmth, the pleasure, the love, the pain, all of it was rolled into a tight ball that then exploded into the sky. His name had been Robert, but it was hardly love, I mean not real love. It was lust, but after that night in his house, under the nose of his slumbering parents, something triggered in me. Addiction always starts with the first leap. Some people experience something and then just leave it at that. They just see it as something else to add to their list of things I’ve done in life, but then there are those that take the first plunge and somehow become hooked to it, become addicted. This isn’t just with sex or drugs, normal things like movies, television, internet, can become addicting if the right personality tries it. I’d never thought myself an obsessive personality, but after that night it became clear. I no longer looked at boys as potential boyfriends, but just another body to satisfy my growing desires. As it continued, I bedded countless boys, and they never said anything about it as long as I kept them satisfied. A blowjob here and a hand job there. But when I turned fourteen everything changed. To be honest as terrible as the ordeal was, I thought at the time it might help me, but I was mistaken.”

“What happened?” I asked. Terra was divulging everything about herself. This was a part of her that no one but she and she alone knew. The fact that she was telling me meant that she trusted me, she loved me, and she cared for me. I couldn’t abandon her now, not ever.

She took in a deep breath to gather her thoughts, her breasts heaving in all that secrecy, all that truth to bursting. And as she let it out, the past came pouring from her lips and I was silent for the entire confession, eyes wide, and ears prickling. “Even today I’m not sure why I decided to go with him. I suppose it was my addictive side’s fault for trusting the boy, trusting that it was going to be well. Fuck, I’m so stupid.” Fresh tears formed at the corners of her eyes, and she didn’t wipe them this time, just released them. They streaked down her cheeks one after the other and I was unable to bring myself to stand and wipe them away for her. I didn’t want to see her weep, but she needed to, it was the only way she could continue her story. “The boy was handsome and older. Probably in college, freshman at least, and I’d grown bored with the high school crowd. I was itching to taste something mature, something with experience. The addiction moved my legs, drawing me away from the school and towards the car. I got in and he drove us to a small house. Heh, I actually gave the guy a blowjob the whole way there. I still remember the texture of his shaft, the taste of his cum. I can’t ever forget those sensations, or the ones that followed.

“He escorted me into the house, and it was then that my brain registered the facts. There were three more of them, each one in college and just as handsome. They were all seated on a worn couch in front of a cheap hotel television with the bunny ear antennas. The place had pizza boxes and beer cans tossed about, and it smelled of dust and cigarette smoke.

“‘Look what I’ve got here, guys,’ he said. ‘This bitch gave a nice good blowjob on the way here and I figure she’d do the same for you all, isn’t that right?’ He held my shoulders tightly, and though my brain was telling me to go. To shake loose and hit the sidewalk, my legs wouldn’t move. ‘Well, come on, babe, get to it,’ he said. I shook my head. ‘I think I need to get out,’ I said. But he didn’t care; he shoved me into his friends who didn’t waste time. They forced me to the ground, and though I screamed as loud as I could I knew it wouldn’t do anything. There’s no heroes left to rescue damsels in distress, just dragons looking for something to burn.

“They ripped my clothes from my body. My jeans unbuttoned and unzipped without my consent. I struggled to keep them up, but they held my hands down. The jeans hit their wall with a hard slam, and then they dug their fingers into the hem of my panties, and that’s when the terror gripped the hardest.