Anxiety to Triumph to Heartbreak: My First

Chapter One

My name is Jason. I’m a 22 year old senior at a state university located way up in the mountains. My freshman year I joined a fraternity because I was an exceptional drinker. I was far from a typical frat boy, but the idea of having a core group of friends to party with was very appealing to an 18 year old me. My social life was fairly strong during my first three years of college. I had a lot of friends and was well known around campus.

My senior year I was elected president of my fraternity. I ran on the platform of governing through maturity. There were a lot of detrimental things that my fraternity got into and I wanted to curtail that. I wanted my fraternity to be more community oriented and less degenerate oriented. Some people liked my approach, some people saw me as a stick in the mud. I did not care. It was the vision I had since I saw the degradation my freshman year. Becoming such a polarizing figure in the Greek community garnered me a lot of newfound interest from some of the sorority girls. For three years sorority girls were a cohort that I greatly failed to understand. They’re all around lack of shame perplexed me and I often found them to be much too forward for me.

Since I can remember interacting with girls was a painful experience. I never had a girlfriend in high school. I was just getting to the point where I could casually socialize with them toward the end of my high school career. My difficulties with the opposite sex continued when I got to college. I thought for sure joining a fraternity would be the magic fix to my women problems, but that fix never came.

Freshman year came and went and I had no real prospects. When I was sober I was refining my social skills with women, when I was wasted, I was making a fool of myself. By sophomore year my social skills were well refined and I was ready to finally break through. That never happened. When I would watch my friends seal the deal I would take mental notes. Some of the things they would say though…never in a million years would I have the confidence to emulate. So I remained stagnant because I didn’t have a shred of game.

By junior year I had lost a fair amount of weight and developed some close friendships with a few girls that dated friends of mine. I think they saw through me and knew I needed help. Through them I gained confidence that I could converse in a sexual manner with women…even if they saw it as drunken banter. But for me it was invaluable practice. By the end of my junior year I had managed to secure a few dates.

They weren’t with the best looking girls but I thought that would work to my advantage. I was hoping for a girl with lower self esteem than I had. Turns out that girls that were more shy and awkward than me didn’t present many opportunities for me to “cash the v card” as my frat boy friends would say. That’s right…I was still a virgin by 20 years old. By the end of junior year I had my first kiss. It sucked and I found the girl to be repulsive albeit not bad looking. Beggars can be choosers I guess.

Everything changed my senior year. I came back to school only slightly overweight whereas I was very overweight my first few years of college. I got two tattoos over summer break and drastically improved my wardrobe. I just moved into our new fraternity house about a quarter mile from campus. As president I had the first choice of rooms so I got the biggest with a balcony. Things were looking up for me. This had to be it. I always thought “no way I could go to college a virgin.” Now my mindset is “no way can I leave college a virgin.” I was determined this wasn’t going to happen.

Move in day came and went. Lots of booze, lots of drugs, lots of slutty girls walking around my house. The next morning I was outside chipping golf balls in the front yard when I saw a very short, very tan girl coming down the outside stairs.

“Hi Sydney” I hollered. I recognized her as a Beta girl.