A Royal Engagement

This account is not intended to be historically accurate, but it is supposed to be humourous.

A Royal Engagement

The planning had taken several months. Diplomatic exchanges had been lengthy and tedious and now the happy union between Prince Harold of Moronia and Princess Lilla of Transvallia had been arranged to cement the union between the two nations after twenty years or so of sporadic war.

Neither side really wanted a war, but neither would accept peace over the disputed city and province of Dunn. Basically neither side wanted the money pit but national pride got in the way.

Princess Lilla was not pleased, “Why do I have to marry that dork,” she demanded.

“Because you are a girl, you do not have any sisters and as far as we know Harold isn’t gay,” her mother sighed.

“Why do I have to marry Lilla?” Harold asked .

“To end the war,” his father the King explained, “Don’t you read the newspapers?”

“Can’t my sister marry one of their Princes?” Harold asked.

“Only if you marrying Lilla doesn’t work out,” The King added.

Harold was not happy, he had seen Lilla’s portrait and he knew the artist, and knew the princess would be twenty kilos heavier, 20 centimeters shorter and at least twice as wide as the photo, why even his own father’s portrait showed a fine upstanding giant of of a man not the fat old twat he had now become.

Lilla was not happy, crammed in to a carriage for two days with her ladies in waiting was no fun at all. She much preferred the castle where she lived, and she especially liked winding up footmen trying to get them uncomfortable as she flashed some thigh or a boob so they got an embarrassing woody.

Jayne her confidante was doing her best to persuade Lilla that Harold was a good catch, “Look it’s just the wedding night and then you can screw anyone you like, you won’t have to be a virgin anymore.”

“That bird’s well and truly flown,” Lilla admitted.

“Oh fick,” Jayne gasped, “It’s the first thing they’ll check.”

“You did realise didn’t you? Egbert, the fit gardener?” Lilla asked.

“I thought you just tossed him off,” Jayne protested.

“No, full 20 centimeters,” Lilla grinned, “Pulled out though, no babies.”

“Damn,” Jayne cursed, “You should have said and we could have tried to get you stitched up again.”

“Too late,” Lilla laughed, “If you are so worried you had better pretend to be me for the checks.”

“I look nothing like you,” Jayne protested.

“They will only have seen that awful painting,” Lilla pointed out, “Stick my crown on and no one will be any the wiser.”

Jayne was not too thrilled, “What happens if I end up married to Prince Harold?”

“Really, do you seriously think he will fancy you?” Lilla asked.

Jayne was hurt but she knew she was over weight, and short so maybe Lilla had a point.

The carriage thundered on as the center vehicle of a twenty carriage convoy of guards, soldiers, courtiers and every other sort of hanger on you could think of.

They arrived at the Castle and were invited in.