Late February

Sarah cancelled the wedding for obvious reasons.
Katie was an angel, no flesh to be seen at all; she would come home and change into legging straight away.
In the evening after her bath she would wear a dressing down. We all used to sit on the sofa the same and I would cuddle them both but that was all.
I was hoping that we could all get back to normal very soon.
It was three weeks now since Sarah had caught Katie and I.


I was woken at 2am in the morning by Sarah turning on the bedside lamp.
“What’s the matter? Cant sleep?” I asked
“No, things on my mind”
“What things?”
“You and the girls”
“That’s all over now, you know that”
“I know you have said it is, but I have doubts, and I can’t get the image of you and Katie in bed together out of my mind”
“Well I can say on your life I haven’t been with them since you have found out, haven’t you noticed the way they have been acting? Especially Katie, they wont risk doing that again and nor will I.”

“Yes I trust you”
“What’s the problem then?
“I don’t trust them, Katie in particular.”
“But Katie is being an angel now”
“I would like to think your right, but you know what a schemer Katie is, in my mind I think she’s got something planned, she doesn’t care if her plan takes a year to come true, as long as it does.”
“I think you’re imaging things.”

“Whatever, Katie has planned you can bet she has enlisted the help of Lauren.”
“Your wrong I know you are they wouldn’t do that, not now.”
“I just feel it’s not going to work.”
“Work? What’s not going to work?”
“Us, I’m eaten up with jealousy, when you’re alone with them and I can’t see you I have to come and look, and if I’m with one and you’re with the other I can’t help but wonder what you are doing.”
“No need to worry; if they try it on Ill stop them”
“Like last time?”
“That was different.”

“I can’t go on like this Mark”
“What do you want to do then?”
“I want you to go.”
“Go? Where?”
“Leave, find somewhere else to live, not see us again.”
“I thought we were ok now.”
“We would be if I could trust them.”
“But I love you, we were going to marry remember?”
“I love you too, but I can’t live like this, we will have to part, and get on with our lives, you will find someone else.”
“I don’t want anyone else.”
“I hope you don’t make a fuss, if I make arrangements to have the girls at their Nan’s at the weekend, will you go then, and not tell them?”

“Well if I’m not wanted here I guess I will have to, but I thought we were ok, it’s going to break their hearts and mine.”
“I know it will, and it will break mine but we will have to get used to it, Ill tell them you got moved.”
“They won’t believe that, if I got moved I would refuse, and if I was going I would at least say goodbye to them.”
“Please don’t make a fuss and turn them against me.”
“I won’t make a fuss, but they won’t like what you have done.”
“Please Mark, its breaking me up inside saying this, if it were just the two of us we would be fine, but I know Katie too well.”

“If that’s what you want Sarah Ill make arrangements for this weekend.”
“I do, I have to do it, promise me one thing.”
“What?”
“If you see them in the future don’t tell them about this conversation, tell them anything, but don’t say I sent you away.”
“I’m not going to lie to them Sarah.”
“Well then avoid them; I don’t want you seeing them again.”
“Only way I can do that is to move out of town.”
“If that’s what it takes so be it, I just don’t want you seeing them again.”
“I think you being very mean on all of us, and ruining four people’s lives, just because you have doubts that are unfounded.”


I was getting mad now, and breaking my heart at the same time, I could see no sense in what she was saying and I don’t want to leave, I was happy here with my three girls.

That Saturday the girls were taken to their Nan’s, kissing me before they left.
Not realising it would be the last time for all of us.
When they had gone, I put my meagre things in a case and loaded the van, Id planned on staying at a hotel till I found new digs.

Sarah was gone for over an hour, by the time she arrived back, the van was packed.
I made her a coffee, “I still think you wrong Sarah, there’s no need for this.”
“I think its best, please don’t argue.”
“Well Id like to know what you will tell the girls when they see my room’s empty tomorrow night and I’m not here.”
“Ill think of something.”
“Well it’s going to be a lie, something you said they must never tell, and you’re lying to them.”
“That’s my worry.”
“Are you sure in your mind that you want, me to go?”
“Yes Mark, its best for everyone. I can’t live with this doubt all the time, if Katie is planning something I will nip it in the bud.”
“Well I disagree I don’t think its best for anyone, but Ill do as you say and go.”

She saw me to the van, I went to kiss her goodbye but she turned her head, there were tears in her eyes, and I couldn’t for the life of me make any sense of it.
I got in the van and drove away.

It was easy to find a hotel; I booked in and went to my room, all night I couldn’t get the girls out of my head.
Sunday I spent searching for new lodging, I found one not too far from my depot, and arranged to move in Monday night after work.

Sunday night I couldn’t help think of the girls, and what Sarah had told them. I knew they would be crying whatever she had told them.
They were probably breaking their hearts, I wanted to comfort them, but knew that was impossible.

I lay in my new room at nights, missing the girls, for weeks after.
I hated Sarah for tearing us apart, but deep in my heart I also loved her, I loved them all.
I kept wondering what Sarah had told them about my disappearance that weekend, and how they took it. Were they broken hearted as I was?
Or had she told them I had just gone, and they hated me?

When at work I would wonder what the girls were doing at school, or at weekends, now I wasn’t there any more, and the routine they had for so long had been broken.
Who would do Katie’s maths home work?
Had Sarah a new lodger?
Would Katie tease him like she had teased me?
Lauren was growing up fast as well, would she also tease the new lodger?
Most nights I would fall asleep wondering what was happening in my old lodging, Sarah’s home.
I wanted to see them all again so much.

Saturday mornings, I went into town and walked the high street hoping the girls may have been there.
I passed the dry cleaners, and Sarah was in there working. I looked through the window for a moment, she didn’t see me.
Were the girls at their Nan’s?
Maybe the new lodger was looking after them; perhaps Katie and Lauren were in his bed now.
Would he love them as much as I do? Or were they just sex toys to him?
I left Sarah to work, I was going in to speak to her, but she seemed happy serving the customers, I didn’t want to go in and ruin her day, she didn’t want to see me.

Almost two months had passed.

April.

I wondered how much they would have changed, although two months wasn’t long; they probably haven’t changed at all.
I still had Katie’s number on my phone, but I never text or rung her, best not open old wounds.
She never rang me any way, perhaps she hadn’t got her phone now, lost it perhaps.

I needed to see them, I was being eaten alive inside, and I had to see them again.
I parked outside their school; I knew Lauren had moved to Katie’s school.
I waited; I had got there early so I wouldn’t miss them.
Right on time the kids started coming out, my eyes searched all their faces looking for the ones I had lost.