What does a recently divorced woman in her mid-30s do when her workplace has a 2-week holiday? Well go on vacation of course. My ex-husband was a controlling person, he needed to have things done his way on his schedule. But he had made me feel comfortable, I guess being with someone from the age of 20 on into your 30s does that. But I’m glad that chapter of my life is done. I could see the signs a couple years back and I think I subconsciously wanted out of the marriage anyway.

But it was a blessing to have this freedom now. With him I had never travelled or even went on a proper vacation, but now that I was single and ready to mingle I was anxious to go out and explore the world. My first trip was a Caribbean cruise, I’d lived in the northern hemisphere my entire life and always dreamed of the white beaches and clear water that I see on those travel websites and movies.

The day of departure was a bit of a blur, I was rushing to pack and I didn’t really know what all I needed or wanted to bring. I decided that traveling light would be the best route and only packed a few outfits, some hygiene products and my best friend for the past 5 or so years, my vibrator. The first day on the sea I mostly stayed in my cabin and looked out onto the water. I was having trouble getting out of my comfort zone I guess. But around 7 at night I heard a knock at my door followed by someone saying” Towels or linens Ma’am?”. I was a bit surprised because I wasn’t expecting anyone but looking into my bathroom I realized I did need some towels. I got up to open the door but stopped mid-step when I noticed I hadn’t been wearing anything. I asked the person on the other side of the door to wait a moment while I hurriedly put on the complimentary white cotton bathrobe hanging by the bathroom door. I slowly opened the door and gave the young man in the door way a smile as I thanked him for the towels.

He looked to be in his early 20s but the all-white uniform they make the staff wear probably makes them look a little younger than they are. He stood at just under 6 foot from what I could tell, he wasn’t buff but you could see some muscles definition under the tight polo he was wearing. His shirt was nicely tucked into his white slacks, which were hugging his waist with the assistance of the flat black belt he had on. The uniform also forced him to wear a hat with the cruise lines logo embroidered on the front, but I could see some tuffs of curly blonde hair peeking out of the sides and back of the cap. He moved onto the next cabin, I was feeling a bit confident so I dared to stare at him as he went on. As he knocked on my neighbor’s door he looked back over at me and flashed me a smile. I shot one back at him and retreated to my room.

The exchange might seem like meaningless pleasantry to most but I hadn’t felt attractive in some time and the short gaze of that young man was enough to remind me of that.